Thursday, August 03, 2006

please don't play the American Idol music just because I've had a bad day...

...because I'm sick of that song.

The day didn't necessarily start out bad.. boring, but not entirely bad. Watched my Golden Girls... yes, Kent, ..golden...girls...! drank some health crap... not literal crap but almost. The day got bad when the hubbster and I went out to eat, and the family in the table across the aisle from us had a brand new baby girl... she couldn't have been more than a couple days old. And I guess the mommy felt like showing her off, because she took her out of her carseat and held her while she ate...and my view was even better then. Tiny tiny little baby girl, dressed all in pink. I took a look at the baby and started to cry. My husband tried to divert my attention and talk about other things...and of course tried to make me laugh... but it really put a damper on my day.

The questions I keep asking that nobody can answer for me is WHY... why was I blessed for such a short time with a baby on the way...and WHY did it not work out? Was it punishment for something I've done? Was it something I drank, ate, took, did? Is there something wrong with me? When will I stop worrying about it all and when exactly does the grieving process actually end? Will I be blessed with such a precious gift again? And if so, how long will it take?

Will God ever answer my questions?

I've never been so ready to go back to school. I need some normalcy and something to do during the day. I think it'll help me out a lot.

1 comment:

ProdigalSon said...

I can't even begin to understand what you are going through, I wont even pretend to. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. All I know is they do and there is no explaining it. Even if we all had cute little things to say that might take some of the pain away it wouldn't ever really help anything. I just think back to stories in the Bible where horrible things happened to people and yet something good came out of it. Daniel, Job, Joseph, the list goes on. The important thing isn't that it happened to THEM the important thing is that it happenes to all of us in some way and we can take their stories and apply the principles to our own lives. And know that down the road somewhere that God has it all worked out already we just have to catch up.

Hi, I'm Aaron, I'm one of Kents friends.