Saturday, August 19, 2006

that's alright.

i'm going to stop using this blog. sssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooo bye.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

So? I don't care that I'm not getting any comments. Really!

I'm trying not to be bitter. :) lol

My classroom is FINALLY done, except the janitors have been kinda not doing their jobs, and they haven't emptied our trash cans in our classrooms or vaccuumed in there in like a week... but once those things are done, my classroom is done. Now if I could only get myself in gear to get the plans ready for the first day of school....

I'm mega tired. I need to go make myself sleep.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Okay, here's the situation..

...actually, Parents Just Don't Understand is stuck in my head now because of a smartiepants comment I left in another blog. But anyway.

I've had time to rebound from the last bout of depression, and I'm fine now. It's a roller coaster ride, that's for sure, but I've had other things to do to keep my mind off things. I'm moving into a new classroom. Said classroom used to be home to a woman who taught for 30plus years. Said teacher was the world's biggest pack rat. Said pack rat had papers, folders, a drum(?), books, etc stored for 30 friggin years on the shelves in her classroom. Said shelves weren't cleaned off when she retired because she just left them there. Said mess had to be cleaned up by me. Said me was not a happy camper. Said camper cleaned it anyway, though, because what choice did she have?

Anywho.... her stuff is no longer, and my stuff is almost in place. I have a lot of books to stick on shelves, a little more decorating, arranging my desks, and starting to plan for the teaching of not one grade in my classroom... oh no.... but 2 grades.

Do you know how horribly rotten, humbled, humiliated, etc I feel when I feel sorry for myself (see last post) when people in the world have it so much worse? I was just telling my husband today that we're all gonna be in big trouble when we get to heaven because we have allowed our brothers in 3rd world countries to be so impoverished while we whine about gas prices. When I was little, I wanted to win the lottery sooooo badly because I wanted to buy a whole bunch of food and clothes, and take it over to those poor countries. I wonder, now, if that's actually what I would do with the money.

Also, there's a family here in Lawton that has been struck with tragedy time and again. The dad was in Iraq where he was shot in the neck and left a "triplegic". The son has autism. Just recently, the family was in their specially made van that allowed the father to drive with his one functioning arm, when the van itself malfunctioned, sending them careening off the road and throwing the dad out the window. Miraculously, he lived through the crash, but he has lost feeling in his one good arm and his memory is messed up. The son, Gold bless him, broke his back and is now in a wheelchair. The youngest daughter had "bumps and bruises" and lost a kidney, but all in all is okay. The mom had bumps and bruises but also came out okay. The oldest daughter, who was in the car behind the van, got a flat tire and had stopped to change it when the accident happened, so she was neither involved, nor did she have to witness it. How can I complain when this family, so strong in faith, keeps getting hit so hard with tragedy? And not only that, they come out smiling, strong, and positive!! I aspire to be like them. Honestly.

I also have the pleasure of getting the little boy in my classroom this year. I look forward to working with him.

Sorry, I got on a roll... I don't expect all of this to get read. But it's my diary anyway so if you don't wanna read it, well... don't. :)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

please don't play the American Idol music just because I've had a bad day...

...because I'm sick of that song.

The day didn't necessarily start out bad.. boring, but not entirely bad. Watched my Golden Girls... yes, Kent, ..golden...girls...! drank some health crap... not literal crap but almost. The day got bad when the hubbster and I went out to eat, and the family in the table across the aisle from us had a brand new baby girl... she couldn't have been more than a couple days old. And I guess the mommy felt like showing her off, because she took her out of her carseat and held her while she ate...and my view was even better then. Tiny tiny little baby girl, dressed all in pink. I took a look at the baby and started to cry. My husband tried to divert my attention and talk about other things...and of course tried to make me laugh... but it really put a damper on my day.

The questions I keep asking that nobody can answer for me is WHY... why was I blessed for such a short time with a baby on the way...and WHY did it not work out? Was it punishment for something I've done? Was it something I drank, ate, took, did? Is there something wrong with me? When will I stop worrying about it all and when exactly does the grieving process actually end? Will I be blessed with such a precious gift again? And if so, how long will it take?

Will God ever answer my questions?

I've never been so ready to go back to school. I need some normalcy and something to do during the day. I think it'll help me out a lot.