Monday, December 31, 2007

I didn't realize growing up was an option.

I am a stick in the mud. I am aware of this, and frankly I'm happy about it. I don't want to party, drink, go out to clubs or bars to socialize with people with whom I have nothing in common. I am an old soul, and I guess I always have been. Even in high school I was a stick in the mud, but I've never been unhappy about this fact.

I look at people I know... people my age... people even older than me... and they feel they need to do these things. Not only do they feel they need to do these things, but they feel they need to snap pictures of it and show the world... hey, I party! I drink! I act like I'm in college, but I'm 30something! Because I never was into any of that, I honestly want to know... is there not a point when you're too old for that? Is there not a point when you are too mature? Is there not a point when it stops being fun to act 21?

And-- even at my age, I have people pressuring me to do the things they do!! What??! Peer pressure at dang near 28 years old?? It's too bad I've never associated with my real "peers" and have always found myself attracted mentally and socially to a more mature group of people. I'm sorry, I'm not willing to compromise the wonderful gifts in my life... my husband, my beautiful son, my responsibilities as a teacher, a mother, a wife, a person who pays bills (and lots of 'em, I might add), a person who has a mortgage.... I dunno, I didn't know there was a choice whether or not to grow up. Knowing me, I probably still would have.

I'm not saying you're a bad person if you drink, go out, etc. I just don't understand why some people try to make it a lifestyle. It almost makes you wonder what kind of respect they have for themselves.

And on THAT note... I hope you have a wonderful 2008!! I pray that you are showered with wonderful blessings this year! And if you MUST drink, please hand your keys to someone who hasn't been. I don't want you to die, and I certainly don't want an innocent person to die.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

my little ladies' man






Who's gonna be able to resist this face??
Happy 4-month birthday, little guy! FOUR MONTHS... crazy.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

so basically..




This is my entire life.
I'm kind of in love with him.
He is kinda in love with eating his fists. :)
*le sigh*

So... uh... what's new?

Friday, November 30, 2007

too much cuteness










Monkey boy is up to 15 lbs 9.5 oz. Yep. Plus he turned 3 months old today, so happy birthday to him!!










He's so much fun.





Who needs DNA tests when you've got pictures like this one below?















Saturday, October 27, 2007

time flies...

It's amazing how much he's changed in the past couple of weeks! He is now 8 weeks, 2 days old... he weighs 12 lbs 14 oz and is 24 inches long! He smiles all the time now. He had colic pretty badly from about 2 weeks until about 6-7 weeks... now he has it for about 30 minutes to an hour an evening and that's it! He's pretty happy other than that short time. He has gotten into batting at his toys and splashing his feet in the bath! He definitely recognizes his mommy... when other people hold him, he already starts looking around for me! And if he can see me, he fixates on me for a while, then fusses til they hand him back to me. (Spoiled much?) His doctor said that's uncommon in infants his age, and that it shows up usually at about 9 months... so I have an advanced momma's boy! I'm not complaining though.. I'm enjoying every second of being the center of his universe before he gets big enough to get interested in boy stuff and becomes a daddy's boy. By the way, he LOVES his babysitter, and she loves him! It has really helped to put my mind at ease.

It's time for me to go on some sort of diet. The tummy was something to be proud of just a couple of months ago, but no longer.

A little over a year ago, I wrote about a certain individual who seemed to always be trying to hurt me with their words and actions. That was around the time of my miscarriage of my first baby. Guess what? They're pretty much still at it. And there's no way to make it stop because it's so unpredictable! If you know me, you know that I am a "settle the waters" type of person. If there's conflict, I want it resolved so things can get back to normal, and I'm notorious for "forgetting" the bad things people do (although I never do forget, but I can pretend to so that things will feel comfortable for everybody). Every time I'm around this person it's a different thing... one time we'll be just fine with each other, happy and laughing... the next time it's the total opposite... they're saying mean things and criticizing not only me, but my parenting and things beyond my control at this point, like my flabby tummy. (I guess I'm supposed to be magic and turn into some washboard abs type person within 8 weeks of having a c-section and losing 36 lbs.) Why would someone even point out someone else's shortcomings?? My mother taught us that it is rude and disrespectful to point things out that would hurt someone else's feelings.

I've resolved to stop going anywhere near this person at all... which will cause nothing but drama in itself, but it'll keep me from having to deal with them. Unless you have a better suggestion out there....

I'm just tired of it. I want to be happy in every aspect of my life. Right now, I'm only happy in one... the fact that I'm a mommy to a beautiful little boy.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

adorableness


So... the king of chunky monkies (my baby) will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I hate that. A LOT.

He's grown so much in 6 weeks, it's crazy. I'm still amazed that I've been able to keep another human being alive for 6 weeks.... it's harder than you can imagine. He now weighs 11 lbs 6 oz... well, that was last week, he might weigh more now! He enjoys his eating, that's for sure!

He broke out with a horrible case of eczema all over his face, and it has since spread to his chest, arms, and legs... but it isn't as bad on his chest, arms, and legs as it was on his poor little face. We took him to the doctor, and he said he was reacting to something he's allergic to, but we just don't know what. He figured it was lactose-based formula (I was supplementing breast milk with formula... now he's only on formula. Another story ENTIRELY.) so he banned him from lactose-based and put him on soy-based... (hello expensive.) But he also thought that he's probably allergic to cigarette smoke. The husband's parents smoke. So he's been banned from being around cigarette smoke for now... and hopefully his grandparents will start visiting us at our house so that he can still see them (because, duh, they're his grandparents) but he doesn't have to be exposed to something that could be causing him to have an allergic reaction. His face is almost cleared completely up now, though, so one of the two was probably the culprit.

Milestones he's hit already: He got totally pissed off at me for lying him down on the floor on a blanket while I went to his dresser to find him more clothes, so to show me a thing or two, he rolled over from his back to his tummy! He's only done it that one time, but it kinda scared me! He also smiles now, even when he's not gassy or sleepy. Suuuuuch a cute smile. Observe.






















And here's more cuteness, just for the heck of it.


Sunday, September 16, 2007

perspective.

My husband took the little guy to his grandparents' house for a little while, and I stayed home... so what else is there to do but blog?

I guess I could clean the house..

But, I've been thinking a lot on the subject of perspective. I guess it all started when I had to have an emergency c-section after 29 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. Of course I didn't feel the c-section at the time, but once all the drugs wear off... guess what? Kinda hurts. Yeah. I mean, you can see why... they rip through layers of skin, tissue, muscle, etc to get to your uterus and get your baby out, then staple it all back together. It takes no time to get it done. It's a very common procedure. But it still hurts when you can feel again. Simple things like sitting up from a lying position become things you must relearn... especially when your baby cries every couple of hours. Anyhow, perspective is what I'm getting at. I had my staples in for 11 days (they usually take them out between 5 and 10 days, but I guess I'm just special like that. or something.)... when I finally went to the doctor's office to get them removed, the nurse was bragging on what a "trooper" I was being because I didn't complain one bit about how it hurt to have the staples removed. She said she had just had someone in that she was barely touching theirs and the woman was screaming her head off. I told her that when you think about what you went through to get the staples in the first place, and how much pain it was to push for 3 hours just to get the huge incision... a few staples being removed really were a walk in the park.

And just yesterday, I was talking to my mom's friend David, and we were discussing "fathers" who don't participate in the raising of their children. (Not that my husband is like that, he's very involved in our child's goings-on... he helps with everything except breastfeeding...)David said something that really got me thinking.... he said you can basically split the world's population into 2 categories... the people that "have to" and the people who "get to"... it's all in their perspective of things. He said he was older when he started having children, so he had the "get to" attitude about raising them. He "got to" change their diapers and feed them instead of feeling obligated to do it. He "gets to" be involved in their activities and lives now that they're getting older instead of "having to" drive them here or there.

I honestly had never thought of that before. I think it even helped change MY perspective on a couple of things. Nothing about parenting should be a "have to".... except "having to" get their shots and such, because no parent WANTS to do that. More people should have the "get to" perspective when it comes to that. Heck, more people should have the "get to" attitude when it comes to everyday living! You should be working at a job you "get to" go to everyday, not "have to"....

So... a good paradigm shift is helpful every now and again.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

the reason I was born....

..is here. He weighed 8 lbs, 7 oz, and was 21 inches long.... and is the most beautiful creature on the planet. That's a fact, not an opinion. See?

Sunday, August 26, 2007

well...

He was due friday. He's still not here. I believe he's decided to stay inside of me until he graduates college. That is all.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

judging.

I've been thinking a lot on this subject lately... I guess mostly because of the misused quote from the bible that doesn't tell the whole story. Read this. I took it off a website.

Matt. 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

"This is the verse so many use to try to shame Christians for discerning poor behavior, ethics, morals, and values: the "judge not lest ye be judged" verse. Using only Matt 7:1 is entirely incomplete. This verse is not speaking to not judging at all -- it is speaking to not judging unfair or any other cheap and selfish way.

Read the rest of the story ...Matt 7:2-5 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged [if we judge with an evil heart or dark intent, His judgment of us will reflect it; if we judge nobly and honestly, His judgment of us will reflect that, too], and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you [if we use extremes or exaggerations or other unfair means, our judgment will reflect it]. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye [point out his sins, "minor" in Jesus' example here] and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye [our own sins, even and especially those we will not admit, magnified by our selective blindness]? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' [tell him of his "minor" sins] when all the time there is a plank in your own eye [that there are greater or the same sins in our own lives which we do nothing about or think we are above]? You hypocrite* [pointing out the sins of others while by pretense we think of ourselves as above sin], first take the plank out of your own eye [sincerely ask the Lord for forgiveness and learn and live the Truth and Light by His Word], and then you will see clearly [be in a righteous position] to remove the speck from your brother's eye [to judge and to help him out of his bondage to sin]." At Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and the region across the Jordan, Jesus was talking to the multitudes gathered there after hearing of His message and of His healings to beseech them to not become like the pharisees and hypocrites who think they are above sin.

....... I've been reading a lot about Shaken Baby Syndrome. It's so sad and so scary. Specifically a baby named Kaleb who was shaken by someone (the accused is his daycare provider). And I think, how can anybody do this to a child? And then I remember how frustrated they must be that the child won't stop crying (not all of them, but some.) And I think that if they only knew how shaking a baby could harm or kill them, they wouldn't do it, because nobody's goal is to kill a baby. And I think if people would stop giving a crap about Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie and spread public service messages about such things that maybe it wouldn't happen as much... but then I feel like I'm judging the media and the media's focus..... ugh. Never ending cycle.

But then I read this....

Look at John 7:24. There, Jesus tells us to judge, but to do so righteously. Righteously means to use the Truth of the Word to discern sins and not by appearances only. In 1Cor. 6:2-3 Jesus authorizes us to judge. Judge we must else we could not discern good from bad, proper from improper, righteousness from evil. But judge behavior, not the individual; the deed not the doer; the choice not the chooser.

Now THAT is something people should live by. Yes indeedy.

In other news, I am 36 weeks pregnant. Yep. 9 months. I actually feel really good... that pain I had at 32ish weeks stopped, so it must have been ligament pains all along, just like my mom said (and you guys didn't believe her!!!...oh wait, that was me.) My emotions go wild on me and I'm having a hard time sleeping (mostly because of the pressure someone's putting on my bladder... I won't mention any names *PEANUT*)....but all in all, I feel good. The scale at the doctor's office is a crack head... I fluctuate between having gained 1 pound this entire pregnancy to 6 pounds. Whateva.

The baby's room is almost complete. We've ordered a bookshelf, and I have to finish his laundry... then we have to vacuum his carpet and we saw an adorable rug at Home Depot (I think) that had cars and street signs and all this cute stuff on it, and I might get one. Then hopefully we find a changing table between here and there... then it's done. Whoa. He's gonna be here soon. SCARY!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Good poem anyway.

***Edit*** I found this poem on someone else's blog on Myspace, and didn't even think to check if it was really Maya's work before I reposted. But upon thinking about it today, I looked it up and apparently it's written in Maya's style, but not written by her. Oh well, it's well written anyway.


Christians - By Carol Wimmer

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

home stretch

I am now 32 weeks. I've been having lots o' pains in my lower abdomen this weekend... LOTS OF PAINS. I'm at my mom's house, and she's a registered nurse....she says it's just stretching of ligaments and stuff because (warning: more graphic than you care to read) it doesn't hurt when I pee and I haven't had any discharge or bleeding or anything. She said perhaps the baby is dropping, but she doesn't think it's a UTI (because of the no hurting when I pee thing). I don't know what the heck it is, but I don't see myself making it through labor if I can't even make it through whatever this is. Seriously, it hurts from the lower abdomen...um...down. Sometimes it hurts when I'm sitting, sometimes it hurts when I'm standing, and walking is proving to be quite a chore. I start childbirth classes on Monday, I might just ask that lady what she thinks... and since childbirth classes are right next door to labor and delivery, if she thinks it's serious she can send me right over. If I don't die before then, that is.

So.... if I die... who wants my pogo stick??

Monday, June 04, 2007

don't you see I was sitting here being lazy?

I went to Ada on an impromptu invitation to my big brother's birthday party. They had a cookout at my mom's house, and the child and I can't pass up food, so we went. I love my family mucho, but I don't understand certain members of it. I don't think I ever will. I think they just need a major forgiveness fest. Some of them. Most of my family is extremely peaceful and fun-loving....but you know how families are and all the different dynamics.

Anywho.

I now don't have a babysitter for my son. The woman who OFFERED to do it before has now said that she doesn't want to do it because she will have all 4 of her grandchildren, although 2 of them are starting school this year, so that's not entirely true. Nice of her to call me and tell me, eh? Oh wait, she didn't, we had to go to her, where she finally spilled it. So what shall I do with my baby now? I have no idea. I wish I was in a position where I could stay home with him. But I can't. Soooo....

I'm in a crappy mood right now. That is all.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

the change

We had a meeting at school this morning. The principal told us that at the LPS (that would be Lawton, for those of you that don't know) principal's breakfast, their guest speaker was the head of the gang task force for the police department. He let them know that there are 110 active gangs in Lawton, some living just blocks from each other. There are two in our school's neighborhood that they know of. They have taken over a majority of the city streets and buildings, leaving their tags behind on whatever will stand still. They have taken over Lawton's mall, and they can't do anything about it unless they get violent there. They can harrass customers all they want at all times of day/evening. Their very existence is changing the makeup of our children at school. They come to school extremely wise to the ways of the streets. The children's parents don't supervise them, so they're allowed to roam the neighborhood. We had a group of kids come up to the school at about 8 PM the other night, and start throwing rocks at a mentally challenged boy, calling him retarded and other choice names. The boy got so upset that he went home, got a BB gun, and put it up to one of the girls' heads. And somehow, in the midst of all this, we're supposed to put what they're exposed to outside of our classrooms aside and teach them what they need to know. We find ourselves teaching them everyday things, like remembering to use a napkin at lunch time, wipe around their mouths... not to chew with their mouths open... how to use loving words towards each other instead of mean words... we have to tell them to bathe at night and use deodorant every day because someone at home (or the lack of someone at home) hasn't taught them that. It feels, literally, like pushing a big boulder up a steep hill. But we do it anyway, because it's what we were called to do. I hope that we can teach them enough to stop all of these horrible problems in this city one day, because Lord knows the grown-ups aren't doing anything about it for them.

"The Change"
by Garth Brooks
One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm
And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me
This heart
Still believes
The love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss
And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me
As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone
I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me
What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

Sunday, April 01, 2007

baby update....about month 5

I don't know if anybody reads this, but I figured I'd update it anyway.

I am somewhere between 19 and 21 weeks pregnant. They've changed my due date about 23409 skillion times... okay, twice. But still. Right now they're kinda banking on August 24th, which stinks because it used to be August 8th.

And I'm having a boy.

And his name is James Michael III. He's named after his dad and grandpa.

And we're buying a house. And I'm nervous about that.

But it's a cute house in a good neighborhood, and that's hard to find in Lawton.

Medical bills are no bueno.

I guess now I need to save up for some new furniture...cuz buying a new house but having the same furniture is not that much fun. And I need to decide on the theme in his room.

My body is weird and hasn't gained any weight yet... although I am showing, and I feel like a cow.

I guess that's about it.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I'm not feeling creative enough to get silly on a title.

.... I guess I should update this thing. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant. The morning sickness thing, for the most part, is over... but I still get super sick when I brush my teeth in the morning. I can live through it, though. I'm trying to decide whether or not to find out the sex of the baby. I'm thinking I should so it will be easier to get ready for him/her, but then again it's like peeking at a Christmas present before it's time to open it. What do you think about that?

On the other hand, I've heard all the wives tales about how to tell if it's a girl or a boy... like the heartbeat thing. The wives tale says that girls have a faster heartbeat than boys, so the faster the heartbeat, the more likely its a girl. Well... my sister-in-law said that my niece's heartbeat was low throughout the entire pregnancy, and she was a girl.... my mom also said that my little brother's heartbeat was high and that they told her at the doctor's office that there was an 80% chance that he would be a girl.....and he wasn't. My baby's heartbeat is 170 bpm. If the wives tale was true, it'd be a girl.

Then again, a friend at work analyzes handwriting. Her claim to fame is that she can read your handwriting and tell if it's a boy or a girl. She's hardly ever wrong. She read my handwriting and said I'm going to have a boy.

So now if I decide to find out by ultrasound what sex the baby is, I guess I can prove one or the other of them wrong. What to do, what to do.