Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Another update on Stellan, plus other things.

Baby Stellan is improving! They're letting him eat, slowly but surely....they started him on some pedialyte and moved him back up to breast milk (expressed, of course). Oxygen stats are staying up... blood gases are going down.Praise God! He is good!


Don't you just hate to finish a book? I do...I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE reading's just that I want to know what happens next in their lives... it's like I become part of the story, and I want to keep living it with them. But their story ends on the last page (unless it's a sequel book, I suppose). I FINALLY, finally, after years of owning the book and pledging that I would read it (then putting it back on the shelf because of my busy schedule and lack of time-to-read, and choosing instead books with less....volume?)....FINALLY I read I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. It took me a long time, which I knew it would... heck, it's like 891 pages, and I have a toddler who does NOT sleep anymore. But this 2 week "Winter vacation" gave me some time. What a book, eh? Interesting.... sad.... thought-provoking.... I really, really loved it. A good read, if you haven't read it already. I'm soooo looking forward to reading his other work. The only thing I'm not incredibly fond of is his overuse of the "gd" curse. But you'd be surprised how awesome I am at substituting that word with a bajillion other words, on the spot, without even having to think about it. :)


Anyway, that's all I had to say. Ernie the Goldfish had a proper burial service in the toilet yesterday. He will be missed by..... the noisy fishtank that still sits with water but no fish now. Kinda sad, huh?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

update on baby Stellan

Stellan has taken a turn for the worse and is in the hospital with severe RSV. His O2 sats keep going dangerously low (in the 60s and 70s) and his blood gases at this point are way too high. His heart rate sounds like it's going up and down too, although cardiologists are still insisting that it isn't heart failure. The nurses already have the intubation equipment at his bedside, in case his sweet little body doesn't want to fight the RSV anymore.

Let's continue to pray, people...this modern day miracle needs to be HERE! Shout your prayers and petitions to the LORD!

Click here to visit Stellan's worried mommy's website and give her and her entire family your prayers!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Fishies don't swim on their backs, do they?

RIP Ernie the Goldfish
May 2003-December 28, 2008.

May you be joined with your brotha from (presumably) anotha motha Bert in fishie heaven.

PS: Baby Stellan's heart rate and such has been found to have nothing to do with his heart failure in the womb, and probably everything to do with the cold he has. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Praise him, all creatures here below! Praise him above, ye heavenly host! Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! AMEN!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Baby Stellan

I mentioned on Monday of this past week about the blog that got me started on the "Not Me Monday"... you know, the one with all the cute kids that make me go "awwwwww"? Well what I didn't mention was that the littlest one...the 8 week old... he's a MIRACLE baby. Truly. In the womb he was diagnosed with a heart condition, and from what I understand, they were thinking he wouldn't even survive. But lo and behold, he was born 8 weeks ago, symptom and condition FREE. COMPATIBLE WITH LIFE. A MIRACLE.

But the miracle is now in the hospital. He has had a cold (and with 2 big brothers and a big sister all having colds before thee, I can't see HOW you do NOT get a cold!).... but the symptoms of the cold have worsened and his heart rate is now very very high. He is on all the proper machines until they find out if the high heart rate is due to the cold (perhaps even RSV, which would suck, but would definitely be better than a heart condition) or if there is something else going on there.

Please pray with me. I know this blog doesn't reach many people. But baby Stellan is a MIRACLE in a time of unbelieving. The MIRACLE needs to touch WAY more lives. Please pray that he is healed of whatever is causing his sickness.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas 2008

We were blessed with WONDERFUL family gatherings on both sides this Christmas! It makes me so happy to know that we were all together for Christmas... first on my side of the family for Christmas Eve, and then on big M's side of the family for Christmas Day. And even time at our own little house for SANTA presents in between the two gatherings. Nevermind that I probably gained a million pounds from all the eating (tis why God invented New Year's resolutions, after all)... I felt very blessed this year. It didn't have anything to do with the gifts, although we were showered with AWESOME gifts, especially little M. It had everything to do with family.

But on the subject of gifts, whoa, my kiddo made out like a BANDIT! Tons of toys, clothes, and diapers at Nana's house, toys and clothes from Santa, tons of toys and clothes from Aunt Tina's house.... we are so blessed that people think so highly of our beautiful little boy. He IS kinda cute, if I do say so myself. I think we'll keep him. If for no other reason than to play with his brand new Elmo Live! :)

And as for me, my biggest predicament this Christmas is to decide which purse I shall carry first... the one my brother got me or the one my SIL got me! What to do, what to do! Both are completely AWESOME! Man, what a dilemma, eh?!

I hope and pray that your Christmas was as peaceful, loving, exciting, relaxing, and wonderful as ours was this year. God bless you all! Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Eh, I'll give it a try...

So I have NOT just recently started reading this blog featuring a very adorable family. They do NOT make me go "awwwww" on a regular basis now. The link to said blog is NOT featured in the "Not Me Monday" thingimagig. :)

I did NOT sleep on the couch with my son last night because he was sick. Nope, not me! I also didn't give up the couch to his 24 pound, 31 inch body (because he was NOT taking up the entire thing anyway) and slept on the floor for a couple of hours. Didn't happen, you can't prove it!

Said son did NOT puke all over his daddy. Twice. It was NOT chunks of strawberries and peaches from his oatmeal yesterday. And it was also not orange flavored pedialyte. Nope.

I promise, I did NOT get a huge kick out of Daddy getting puked on twice, because in the past 16 months, I've NOT been puked on, pooped on, snotted on, blooded on (is that a word?) about 2034982304982 times WITHOUT yelling like it was the end of the world. Two pukes was NOT daddy's limit, he said.

I am NOT still in pajamas on my first day of Christmas break. No indeed!

I do NOT have to go grocery shopping or we're eating old bologna today. With no bread.

I have NOT brushed my hair today. And that one's true. ha.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

upon blinking

This morning was so disgustingly icy. My husband happened to have the day off today, and offered to drive me to work and the baby to his babysitter's. (Yes, he had the day off... yes, he could have kept him at home.... but he's a man, bless his loving heart, and he doesn't understand. ) He dropped me off first so I wouldn't be late, and then started the journey to the babysitter's house. About 20 minutes after he left my work, the babysitter called and asked if we were coming or if we were stranded somewhere. I told her that DH was bringing little M this morning, and that they should be there any minute. I hung up with her and called big M.... but, of course, he didn't bring his phone with him. (Considering sewing said phone to said husband's palm.) So I called the babysitter again in a few minutes to ask if they had made it yet, and she said, "nope, not yet." Panic. Catch your breath, Amy. Breathe. They're okay. Dear GOD my family is out in the nasty ice, dear GOD please let them be okay. So I say, "okay, well if they're not at your house in 15 minutes, will you please call me back?".... 15 minutes later, no phone call. Another panic attack. "Sweet Jesus, please be with my little family... my entire world....".... so I called her again. "Oh, yeah they showed up about 10 minutes ago! Your husband wasn't even wearing a coat! Don't worry, I lectured him!".... I love her. Thank you God. Thank you for hearing my prayers and seeing fit to answer them this time. Thank you for getting my little family where they were going safely this morning.

Because another person I know did not make it safely to where she was going this morning.

Growing up, I was friends with Mistie. Mistie had a little sister named Crystal. Mistie and Crystal eventually moved away from Ada in high school, but Mistie and I have since gotten back in touch via Myspace. Eventually, Mistie and Crystal both found their way to L-town, where I live now. I saw Crystal at Wal-Mart all the time, it seemed. This morning, Crystal was on her way to wherever at 7:30AM, when her vehicle hit some ice and careened off the road. She passed away. Left 3 small children, a husband, a sister, her parents, and lots of sad people who knew her behind.

It's amazing how the thought of our own death doesn't enter our mind often. It's almost like we fear everybody else's death... our parents, our children, our friends.... but our own death just doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen. We are not promised another day here on earth. In a blink of an eye, we could be gone. My prayer for you is that you hold your family a little tighter upon reading this... love them with everything you have.... because we just don't know when our time is up here.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

writing posts in my head all day long, being still, and other things.

Oddly enough, I find myself kinda WANTING to blog today. I have since I woke up this morning. I woke up thinking about the concept of being still. My mom's dogs know to be still and wait for their treat...otherwise they don't get it, or perhaps one of the other dogs will take what should rightfully be theirs. Funny how humans are not as good at being still and waiting. I know I'm not. When something is not going my way, I want immediate answers as to why. I don't want to be still and see the reasons revealed in their own mysterious ways. I guess that's the lesson I need to study and learn right now... how to be still. When you break it down to the Hebrew translation of "be still," we basically have a "let go" or "make yourself weak" definition. When we let go, or make ourselves weak, we are giving up trusting in ourselves in order to experience the glory of God's all-sufficiency. I guess that's really important right now... in a time where I'm scared for our country, not only because of who will be leading us, but because of the happenings that seem to be surrounding us constantly... a rise in atheism, homosexuality, immorality, etc... instead of constantly worrying about what's to happen next, what's happening right now, and my part in it all, I choose to be still---confess that I am weak, that I am inefficient, that I am feeble---and I entrust the care of the world to my God.


In other news, my husband is one step closer to his new job. His "meet and greet" is coming up next week, and that's where they'll either offer him a job or not. We're praying that he WILL be offered this job, because within a year, he'll be making nearly double what he's making now. Money's not everything, and I realize that, but living is expensive these days, and we're pretty much just not making it on a lowly teacher's salary and a city worker's paybucket.


Speaking of teaching, I finally put up the class's Christmas tree today. I guess if I hadn't procrastinated until now, I would have realized much sooner that all of my Christmas decorations were missing, except for a few apple ornaments, some red snowflake bulb ornaments, a gawdy red boa for the tree, and a Christmas tree skirt. So a kiddo I taught when he was in 3rd grade (who is now in 5th) stayed after school and helped me first search in vain for my Christmas ornaments (there's a thief amongst us! Really now, WHO steals Christmas ornaments??!), and then helped me decorate my poor little tree with the silly decorations I could find. We decided, when it was all said and done, that it kind of resembled the Charlie Brown tree.... and in a way, I really liked that. I can't be teacher and parent to all 26 of my students, and I can't teach them all they need to know about the important things in life (sometimes I don't even know!)... but one lesson they're learning this Christmas is that it's not about the "things" you have, it's the PEOPLE you have around you, and of course the real "reason for the season"... Jesus Christ. (But I can't teach that part. Well, I guess I COULD, but it could turn out to be not-so-wonderful for me.)


In Mr. Toddler Man news, he has decided (with the help of his friend Austin from the babysitter's house) that his name is Mike. Not Michael, which we've called him since birth. Not James Michael, which is actually his name.... but Mike. His friend Austin calls him Mike. As soon as I walk in the babysitter's door in the morning, Austin says "MIKE DOWN!"..meaning that he wants me to put "Mike" down so they can play. So now my little munchkin, the same munchkin I love with all my heart, will point to himself and say... "Mike!" Okay, kiddo, whatever you say... butI'mnotcallingyouMikenevernevernever. :)

He had his 15 month well-child appointment a few days ago. He weighed a measly 23lbs 6 oz, and was 31 inches long. That sticks him in the 25-50th percentile for both weight and height. I stop and worry, because when he was a 3 month old, he was almost off the charts in height and pretty far up there in weight too. Now he's falling off the other direction. Then I remember that his Daddy, who is 5'9", was only 130 lbs when we first met. Observe.

That's us in 2001. (sorry it's so dark... apparently the person who took this picture of us is NOT a fan of flash.) Why couldn't My baby boy have inherited the stocky, wide, football player build of MY side of the family? So he'll be scrawny, I can live with that. But he'll be adorable and I know I'll be fighting the girls off with a stick.

See what happens when I blog for an entire month, and then don't blog for 11 days?? I make the longest post known to man! Well, okay, probably not... but it was like all of this was built up and it needed to be released in bloggerville! WHEW, I feel better now. See ya when the next urge arises!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

what's in a number?

0: The amount of patience I have right now with my dogs, who are driving me crazy.

4: The number of dogs in my house barking at ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

9: Hours of sleep I got last night! Ahhh pure bliss.

5: number of poopy diapers I changed yesterday.

3: Tums I'm having to chew right now. Stupid heartburn.

30: The number of minutes it took me to fall asleep last night because of the song stuck in my head. I hate that.

8: The time that I will start watching, probably in horror, the show about Britney Spears. Because apparently I am a sucker for a train wreck.

23049283403294: Loads of laundry that I need to do.

40something: How many cents I need to get a stamp to mail off my house payment. Woo.

0: How many more blogs I have to do! YESSSSSS!!!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

guess what?! guess what?!

Today and tomorrow and then I'm THROOOOUUUGGGHHHH BLOOOGGGGINNNGGGGGGG!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!
Today my little man is driving me bananas. He's been in a bad mood for the biggest part of the day, but right now he's being pretty playful....but he's testing me. For instance, he understands what "no" and "stop" mean, he just chooses to do it anyway to see what I'll do about it. Then when he's in trouble, he musters up crocodile tears and pokes out his lip.... psh, like I'm a softy. Sorry kiddo, but I've been teaching for too many years to fall for THAT one. But it is cute and I do feel bad afterwards. He just doesn't know that.

Friday, November 28, 2008


We made it back to Lawton. I'm tired.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I made it again!

I'm in the fun ol' town of Ada, and most of my family has just left my mom's house. I have the coolest, sweetest, loudest family ever. True story.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

because tomorrow's busy...

I better say HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! Tomorrow we will be in Ada Potata, home of......*insert something cool about Ada here*.... eating lots and lots of food and gaining lots and lots of weight.

Yesterday my school went on the General's Challenge, and we walked for an hour throughout our neighborhood. Now I have a blister on my foot. But it was nice to get out and walk... and yesterday was the perfect day for such a thing. But I told the other chicks at school that that would probably be my exercise until.... well, probably until I hit that "New Years Resolution" time again. heh. I always have good intentions. :)

El bebe has a big sore on his bottom lip and I can't decide if it's a fever blister or where he bumped his mouth yesterday. His babysitter said he had blood on his lip but she couldn't figure out where it was coming from since he refuses to sit still for more than a nanosecond. So I am not positive if that's maybe where the blood was coming from or if it's a fever blister. I don't know where he would have picked up a fever blister, however.... so.... hmm. I don't know. Either way, it doesn't look like it's the best feeling in the entire universe, and I've been trying to put chapstick stuff on it all day, but he just tries to eat it.

I need to get going on the packing... if I wait until tomorrow, it'll just stress me (and the hubby) out. Goodnight, dear bloggerville. I shall try to blog tomorrow because of my obligations and whatnot, but I can't make any promises, since my mother's computer is the slowest computer in all of creation.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

just under the wire

I made it before midnight! So I didn't forget to blog today! yay.

I just cleaned out my fish tank... I used to have 2 goldfish... Bert and Ernie. Bert died, but Ernie is still going strong! If he makes it to May, he'll be 6. And this is NOT because I'm a superior goldfish's because, for whatever reason, Ernie wants to LIVE! No matter how many times (since the kiddo has been alive) I have forgotten to feed him, or how nasty his tank gets because of my neglect of anything work-related after I leave the paying job... he still sticks around. Now THAT'S dedication, my friends. I think he's trying to get big enough to eat me. I wouldn't blame him.

Lots to do tomorrow. At least I'm off of work for Thanksgiving Break! Woohoo! Sweetola.

Monday, November 24, 2008

getting so close to the end!

Weee! After tonight's post, I only have to make 6 more until I can fade back into oblivion!!!!!! word.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

I was just thinking of that song.... the song in my title....partly because my principal plays the bells at her church and that's one of the songs they were playing this week (you'd have to meet her to know why this is a little bit sweet and a lot funny... she's not a terribly musical person... or a terribly coordinated person... or a terribly organized the fact that she's playing the bells [yes, plural] makes me giggle a bit). I was also partly thinking of it because that's what I feel like doing right now. Praising God from whom all blessings flow. I'm so happy and so proud to be the mother of my son. I'm so proud and awe-struck that I was chosen to hold him, carry him, teach him, lead him with discipline and love... I love him so much that sometimes it's hard to breathe. I cannot and will not and refuse to picture my life without him. Just having a proud mommy moment. :)

I was having a discussion with my child's babysitter.... I believe this was on Friday.... and she said something that stuck with me: (hold tight for the background otherwise it won't make sense.) She keeps a foster baby.. baby Jessi... with whom we have ALL fallen in love. Jessi's biological mother is, I suppose, trying to fight to get her back; however, they had court a few days ago, and the judge said that he didn't see the case going anywhere but termination of parental rights, but he would leave it up to the state. Jessi's bio-mom got all bent out of shape, so she didn't show up to the next visitation, and then she came to the next visitation with a ginormous chip on her shoulder, took Jessi to the other end of the playground, and just held her and pouted the whole time.... not interacting... nothing. Finally, my sweet, wonderful babysitter came up to her (if you ever get a chance to meet her... do... she's amazing.) and asked her if she was okay. The lady cried and said she was mad about what the judge had said and that she's trying to do the right things but this, this, and this has happened to her in her life, and so on. My babysitter said to her... you know, I'm sure you've been through a lot in your life, but now that you have a child... you're no longer get to be the victim. You're now victimizing your child. She also went on to tell her that she's worth more than what she's given herself and Jessi's worth more than what she has given her so far, but in her nurturing, sweet, awesome way, of course.

This spoke to me. A lot. I was raised pretty much just by my mother (who is wonderful and amazing and did a great job raising 5 kids alone, I might add). My dad made some very bad choices, for most of which he has apologized. That didn't change the fact that when my mom worked nights (7pm to 7am) I was the one that babysat my little brother and sister... all by myself... when I was 13 years old...with no dad around to protect us (good thing we lived in sleepy little Ada town). It didn't change the fact that my dad wasn't there when I went to the prom. He didn't walk me down the aisle when I got married. He didn't scare boyfriends (not that I had many, but that's not really the point), and he didn't do those daddy things with me that other girls got to experience. But now that I am a mother to my own child (who has a FANTASTIC daddy, I might add)... I am no longer the victim. To act as such would be victimizing my own child. I can only make things better for him, and that's ALL I can do. I can only show him more love than I was shown by my dad, and that's ALL I can do. I'm not saying I constantly play a victim card as it is, because that's FAR from the truth. I'm just saying that I can't feel guilty for what I didn't have growing up; I can only give my little man more.

Anyhow, sometimes the best lessons in life don't come from school or even church. Sometimes they just come as paradigm shifts found in daily conversations.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

my makeup post.

Today has been a-okay. We went out for breakfast because, well, we have no groceries (yeah, tomorrow I'll go shopping. Maybe. Probably. Yeah.), and then we came home and did absolutely nothing. My kind of day. We watched "Movies that don't suck" all day long (right now it's The Terminator... earlier it was Enter the Dragon). Now the husband is watching the OU/Texas Tech game. I'm not because I couldn't care less about college football. My son has had, maybe, a 30 minute nap all day long, and has been on the mild-to-moderately cranky/obnoxious side. Right now, though, he's playing with his toys pretty happily. (Now that I typed that, he just started crying again. Nice.)

There's something beautiful about a day that's not obligated to anybody but our little family. I love the days that we are searching for things to do because nobody's pulling us here or there. HOWEVER, I am looking forward to my weekly break when big M takes little M to his parents' house tomorrow so I can do something about the wreck that is my house (it is SO pointless to clean when the human mini-tornado is here), rest, and go grocery shopping without someone crying everytime the basket stops because that means the wheels on the basket stop too, and someone likes to watch the wheels on the basket. Ah, God bless the weekend!!

oh snap again!

I officially suck at making a post every day. I just can't do it. Oh, I'm going to TRY to continue through November because I made a commitment, but I obviously suck.

Yesterday.........hmmmmmmm, what did yesterday consist of?
"He keeps kicking me in line!"
"She won't stop talking to me!"
"He called me a bragger!"
"He splashed water in my face in the bathroom!"
"Can I go to the bathroom???"
"My head hurrrttsss"
"My throat hurrrttsss"
"I fell on the playground and got this cut *sniffle*"
"I fell on the playground and twisted my ankle *sniffle*"
"I fell on the playground and nothing physically happened to me but I still want to whine about it. *sniffle*"
.....okay the last one didn't happen, but OH MY HEAVENS! I wanted to pull my hair out and leave the room screaming! They were driving me crazy!!! They were on each other's nerves, and more importantly, on MY nerves constantly!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

long day

It's been a very long day. I stayed home from work yesterday because 1) I didn't feel good and 2) I had a million things to do at to attend to. So, as I kinda mentioned in the last post, the baby and I stayed in PJs til past noon. Then we got dressed and took care of the million things of business. And I felt more accomplished yesterday than I have felt in lots of days of teaching. I don't know, maybe it's because it's getting so close to Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Maybe it's because I need a break. Maybe it's because I haven't won the lottery yet like I've so desperately wanted to. Perhaps all of the above. But there's something about watching Golden Girls when I'm supposed to be at work, changing my baby's diaper and then putting his PJ bottoms right back on instead of getting him dressed, eating in the living room with my little monster, taking a nap on the couch with my little monster..... it makes me want to do those things EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. Seriously. That's what I want to do with my life. Be with my child. Children, actually. I want to have at least one more, maybe two more. I want to be home with them. I want to bake them cookies and have crazy fun. But the practical, realistic side of me always goes back to stupid money and stupid financial responsibilities and stupid everything that is anti-my dream. *le sigh*

But I digress. Today was very long. I came back to my poor assistant pretty much kissing my feet. She came in the door saying "please let her be here, please let her be here...OH YOU'RE HERE!! THANK GOD!!!" The kids were NOT perfect angels yesterday with the substitute. Not to mention that the substitute was literally no more than a warm body sitting in my chair. She had no control whatsoever. The school counselor came into my classroom several times to herd my crazy class, and every time, the sub was sitting in my chair pretty much doing nothing. Good thing my computer is password protected, otherwise she probably would have just been sitting there surfing the net.

So basically I was forced to be a bear today. 1) I didn't feel good. And 2) The kids were on my nerves after I found out how bad they were for the sub. It's like I had to retrain them from scratch today...everything from not talking in the hallways to raising their hands to speak or ask a question.

I don't like days like this, but the good news is that tomorrow is FRIDAY! TGIF x 2340928.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I can't wait for December

....just so I don't have to blog everyday. Honestly, next year if this rolls around again, unless my life is WAY more interesting than it is right now, remind me NOT to participate. This is meant for people with wonderful things to say, I guess.

My kid is taking every single opportunity he can find to help me type. I don't know how many times I have hit the backspace button during this short blog. He can pretty much only reach the enter key on the number pad at the moment, so it's mostly just moving my cursor back about 230948 paragraphs.

Now he's saying... "umm.... UM....UMMMM...." I guess he's trying to get my attention. HELLO KID, IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE STAY IN PJs TIL ONE PM AND TAKE A LATE NAP AT NEARLY 5. Grrrr.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I've been drinking a lot of pepsi. I don't know why. It doesn't taste good. It's not good for me. But I drink it anyway. Maybe because it has been on sale at Wal-Mart and I can't resist a good sale?

Yesterday sucked, but on to today. It wasn't THAT much better. But it was better nevertheless.

James Michael number 3 is cutting 3 new teeth at the same time. How fun! It's drool city at my house. His babysitter changes his shirt at least once a day because of all the drool, and she would probably change it a second time if I would send more clothes with him.

I love how when we're coming home from work/babysitter, and I'm driving along, and we're listening to the radio... all of a sudden he'll bust out with a super loud AAAAAAAAAA-B-C-D! But he won't go any further than D. He makes my days so worth it.

My nails are getting ridiculously long.

The Mini-Page in the paper today was about head lice, and now that I read it and saw the pictures, my head keeps itching. Blech.

Hm, let's see, what else.... next week is Thanksgiving! And I'm going to stuff my face. Just so you know.

One day I'm going to win the lottery. Then you'll all be sorry! I don't know why I just said that. But when I win the lottery, I'm staying home and having 230498 babies. True story. Actually, since I'm a c-section person, it's recommended that I have no more than 3. blah. But if I win the lottery, I can fly to some other state to have my babies where they don't have a thing against VBACs! But I'm scared to fly, and none of this is going to happen anyway. So in the words of my 3rd graders, this would be what you call "fantasy" and not "realistic."

Tomorrow is another day.

Monday, November 17, 2008


You do NOT want to read what I have to say today.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Is this month over yet??

Man, when I decided to blog every day for an entire month, I didn't think it was going to be this tough. Not so much actually logging in to blog, but having enough "stuff" to talk about.

Tomorrow's Monday and I am NOT a fan.

My lip still hurts from where my son's big, hard head came crashing into it, busting it and sending blood everywhere. Nice. If you would have put it in slow motion, it would have looked like a boxing match, where the blood, sweat, and spit goes flying. Good visual, eh?

I need to go on a diet. I always pick the dooziest of times to try to diet... ie, right at Holiday time. Ah well. I need (want) to lose about, say, 25 to 30 lbs before I get pregnant again, and I would like to shoot for getting pregnant again in Julyish of next year. That's if our finances will allow it, of course, because I can't afford another mouth to feed or a butt to diaper at this very moment, but things could always change. My big boy will nearly be 2 by July (sad face for sure), so by the time the baby is born, perhaps he'd be potty trained! A girl can dream, can't she?

Time to make dinner! It's nachos with chili...want some?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

In lieu of a post tonight, here's a survey I ganked from my myspace.

1.) When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?
uh... the in-between-the-laundry-room-and-living-room area. BUT, about 99% of the time, you enter through the garage, and that leads right into the laundry room.

2.) Do you have a dishwasher?

3.) Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?

4.) Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?
I have a knife block, knives in my regular silverware drawer, and knives in their own drawer. I have knives EVERYWHERE.

5.) House, apartment, duplex or trailer?

6.) How many bedrooms is it?

7.) Gas stove or electric?
electric, but I do wish it was a gas stove.

8.) Do you have a yard?
yeah, but not much of one.

9.) What size TV is in the living room?
I don't know, we don't take pride in having the latest "stuff".... our TV in our living room is the same one that was in my husband's bedroom as a teenager.heh

10.) Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?
not on the same shelf.

11.) Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter?
no. We don't drink coffee.

13.) What room is your computer in?
the spare bedroom

14.) Are there pictures hanging in your living room?
a few

15.) Are there any themes found in your home?
not really...the main bathroom is theme-ish...kinda a floral thing...

16.) What kind of laundry detergent do you use?
at the moment, we have some Tide Coldwater and Dreft baby detergent.

17.) Do you use dryer sheets??
yup. Downy.

18.)) Do you have any curtains in your home??
no.... just blinds.

19.) What color is your fridge??

20.) Is your house clean??
it could be cleaner, but it's not terrible at the moment.... someone could pop in and I would probably be okay with it, just as long as they didn't look too closely lol

21.) What room is the most neglected??
this spare bedroom. By far.

22.) Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty??
there are some dirty dishes from tonight's dinner still sitting in the sink, but not for much longer.

23.) How long have you lived in your home?
a year and some months.

24.) Where did you live before?
the smallest house you've ever seen, but on some beautiful land in the country. We miss the country, but not the house.

25.) Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet?

26.) Do you have a scale anywhere in your house?
yeah in the main bathroom.... by the way, if you ever come over and use it, my mother has informed me that it weighs you 2 pounds heavier than her doctor's office scales. Just an FYI...

27.) How many mirrors are in your house?
uh... like 4 I guess.... I don't know.

28.) Look up.What do you see?
the ceiling and the weird light fixture in here... I mean, it's kinda cool but it came with the house and it's probably not something I would have picked out myself, you know?

29.) Do you have a garage??
a two car garage, even...although I'm the only one who parks in it.

30.) Are you planning on moving anytime soon??
NO. I HATE moving.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Today was on the fairly uneventful side... one of my kids muttered under his breath that he was going to slap me...ha. Awesome.

won't you forgive me?

I did not blog yesterday. It's not that I forgot (yes I did) but I also didn't get online at all yesterday. You see... yesterday, my son's babysitter took my son to her kids' basketball games after school. AKA-- hubby and I had a date night! The 3rd one since he's been born. She's taken him to other basketball games before, but I always have something else planned those afternoons/evenings. It was nice, we went out to eat.... but some weirdo part of me wanted our son to be with us too. After all that funness, we came home, and I had a message that my babysitter was on her way to drop my kid off. I looked around the house.... DISASTER AREA. Whoaaa.... NOT pop-in friendly at all. So I spent about 5 minutes SPEED CLEANING. DH was impressed with the result and said he should mention that company is coming more often. ha. Isn't he funny. But then she didn't even come in the house because her other baby was night-night in the car. Awwww.
My foot's asleep and I have to get ready for work.

So do forgive me, blogger. Do forgive me. Perhaps if I think of it, I shall blog again today to make up the difference.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

and yeah.



I'm not a psycho, I promise. I find it odd that I talked about a dude I hadn't seen in years today, and then went out to eat with my husband and son... and who did I see? That dude! WEIRD!!

Um, let's see...what else. I've developed a cough. And I don't like it.

My son is a beautiful, ornery, perfect, messy blessing and I love him with all my heart.

I don't have anything else to ramble about. I hope I make it through the rest of the month blogging every day.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

good job, annelle... spoken like a true smart@$$

my-very-single-and-very-catholic-friend: maybe I should just become a nun.
me: you don't want to be a nun.... the name says it!

*end scene*

and yes, blanche said that on golden girls. I cherish moments where I can use golden girls quotes in the real world. Makes my whole day.

PS: I typed this entire post with 1 hand and wrangled a toddler with the other. such fun.

Monday, November 10, 2008


The child who threw up during the play the other evening threw up in my classroom today.

I just want to thank him for spreading all of his germs for all of 3rd grade to catch...and I want to thank his parents for sending him to school still sick.

You guys are greeeeeeeeat.

Sunday, November 09, 2008


The convo that happened pretty much the entire way from Mt. Scott to Wal-mart this afternoon...

babyboy: NOOOOOOOO!
daddy: YES!
daddy: YES!!!
daddy: YESSSSS!!!!

What were they arguing over? Nothing. Babyboy just likes the word NO.
In fact, sometimes it's NOOOOOOOOO-UH!
And sometimes it's NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! ..with a finger shake.

A convo between babyboy and me yesterday:

mommy: Where's mommy?
babyboy: at school.
mommy: where's daddy?
babyboy: at school.
mommy: Where's Aunt Lissa?
babyboy:.......I don't know!

SO FUNNY! I don't know if he MEANT to say it, but he said it. "I don't know!" .... what a cute little turkey.

And this is kinda, when he's hungry, he yells out... "EAT EAT!!"

And an update on me::::::: Nothing. My kid is my life. Deal with it.

Saturday, November 08, 2008


I didn't blog yesterday. Dang me!
I did, however, just run my pinky finger into a wall accidentally, and now it's really sore. :(

Thursday, November 06, 2008

oh, today??

Today, one of my students put hand sanitizer in another student's milk at lunchtime.
And at our patriotic play this evening, another of my kids puked his guts out on stage in the middle of the performance.

I got to work this morning at 8am; it's 9pm now and I just got home a few minutes ago.

And how was YOUR day?

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

just under the wire

I hope that the people who voted for Obama enjoy the handbasket they have picked out in which to send us all to hell.

Sharpen your axes, ladies and gents... we're all about to be building fires for light and warmth soon.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Oops I almost forgot

Today I voted for John McCain. I don't think he's going to win, and I'm very scared for our country.

That is all.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Day 2, should be 3...

I'm at work. My kids are eating lunch. I'm eating some really gross chili from the cafeteria. I'm no longer friends with my "best friend" and as childish as that might sound, I DO have my reasons.

That's all for today.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

well, I'm a day late, but....

I'm going to "TRY" to blog every day for the rest of this month.
They probably won't be, like, insightful blogs... perhaps just a sentence of the day because I am way too lazy to blog.
So here's my tidbit for today.... Here is the newest conversation going on at my house. Daily. Hourly. You get the picture...
me: Where's your mommy?
baby: Aaaat coooool (which means "at school")
me: At school? Where's Daddy?
baby: Aaat cooool.
me: Daddy's at school? Where's your puppies?
baby: Aaat cooool.
me: Puppies are at school?? Where's Nana?
baby: Aaat coool.
you get the idea. My kiddo is a genius.... well, I mean, how could he NOT be? Look how many family members he has pursuing higher education!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

In other news...

I wish I had something happy to say.

I don't.

That is all.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I just taught my 13 month old how to say "hiney". I rule!

Sunday, September 28, 2008


I've never been a person who is completely insensitive. But in the past 15 years or so (yeah, starting at around puberty) I haven't let much emotion in at all. I never got terribly wrapped up in other people's sob stories, and I just didn't find sad THAT sad, bad THAT bad, glad THAT glad, etc. BUT, ever since I became a mommy, something weird is happening to me. I am empathetic. I am concerned about others in a way I never have been before. What's going on here? The ice is melting?? Kinda scary.

For instance---picture it. Earlier. In the checkout line at the Mart of Wal (sidenote: under one hundred dollars, thank you very much!). I'm busily putting my purchases on the conveyer belt, when another cashier comes to our register with a can of spray paint in her hand and a dirty, older man with pronounced positioning of one side of his body and spray paint all over his mouth/face. The two cashiers give each other knowing looks, and my cashier rings it up for him. When he walks away, the cashiers kinda chuckle about how he was not getting ready to paint anything with that can of spray paint. All I could say was "Bless his heart." And it took all I could do to NOT cry. CRY OVER SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW! WHAT?! Maybe I'm emotional because of hormones. Or maybe I've gone haywire after becoming a mommy. Either way, I'm not complaining... it's just very weird for me.

In other news, the little man is walking like a champ! He's been actually walking since probably 11.5 months, although he started doing steps in his 10th month. Now he's practically running. He's going through a very-grumpy-and-whiny-and-clingy-and-not-wanting-to-sleep phase. It's NOT fun. I'll be glad when my happy baby comes back. :)

That's all, Folks!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

let's see how far we've come

August 30, 2007

August 30, 2008
Happy Birthday, my little one. Your mommy loves you more than you will EVER know, further than you can ever see, deeper than you can ever imagine. To the moon and stars and back.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

some stuff

James Michael number 3 will be one year old in less than a week.
I'm very sad/happy about this.
I wish I would have taken more time during his first few months to just stop and enjoy it, instead of feeling so overwhelmed with being a new mommy and not knowing what the heck I was doing and being sleep deprived--not ENTIRELY because of him but because of my fear of his dying in his sleep. I don't get that time back, and that's sad. But, God willing, I have lots of years ahead where we'll be together, getting closer and closer as mommy and son.

He's a walking, talking, eating-big-boy-foods, certified, grade-A toddler now. We're weaning off of the pacifier and the bottle, although since school's been back in session I've been doing less weaning and have kinda handed the responsibility to his babysitter. She has all day with him, and I have very little time in the afternoon/evening with him. I don't want to make that time stressful for either one of us... I just want to enjoy him. But she's done a wonderful job with him... at her house, he only drinks out of a sippy cup (something he REFUSES to do at home) and does not take the pacifier at all. I only give him the pacifier at bedtime (and on weekends at nap time), so we are slowly but surely making progress.

So school's back in session. I feel pretty much renewed and ready to face a new year, although I have 25 kids in my classroom, so space is limited. We don't even have enough textbooks for everybody. I don't like the first, say, 9 weeks of school... it's hard to remember that they're fresh from second grade and they're not completely un-babyfied yet. So when I get frustrated and think "UGH WHY CAN'T THEY DO THIS?! WHY CAN'T THEY FOLLOW THIS SIMPLE PROCEDURE?!" I have to remember that they're in a transition phase from being completely coddled and pampered to being independent. I have to remind myself of this often.

The hubbster is applying for new jobs... better paying jobs. He has worked for the City for *counts fingers* like 8 years, and he's worth way more than what they pay him. So good luck to him on that.

I'm making beef stew. I know it's more of a cold-weather type food, but it's smelling soooooooo good and I can't wait to eat it and watch the Olympics finale tonight.

I've been totally addicted to the Olympics. It stinks that they show it so late in the evening because I've been staying up like a dummy and watching it when I KNOW I have to be up earlier than dawn just to get myself and the little one ready for the day.

I believe that's all the new news I gots right now. Anybody wanna share anything cool?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

nobody reads this anyway.

kid will be 11 months in a few days.
kid's birthday next month. i'm invited.
kid is starting to misbehave. already figured out the "no" means "do it again" and "please" means "don't do whatever she asked" thing.
kid refuses to walk. anytime he's standing freely and i say the word "walk"...even if i'm not talking to him or about him, he'll plop down on his hiney.
just a tad oppositional defiant.
but the cutest kid ever. and i think he knows it.

in other news,
school in less than a month.
workshops in less than two weeks.
haven't won the lottery yet.
given up on writing full sentences.
nobody reads them anyway.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

the phone epidemic and other things.

I guess my phone caught the phone death disease because it has decided that yes, it will receive text messages; yes, it will send text messages; yes, it will allow me to hear people talking during a conversation; but NOOOOOO, they will NOT be able to hear me. I'm not sure what in the bloody heck is wrong with the thing, but really it doesn't matter anyway because it gave me an excuse to buy a new phone.
And by "new," I of course mean a newISH. I hardly buy anything new. I'm very tight in that regard.
It's refurbished. And it's not fancy. I don't like fancy shenanigans. I'm too old to learn new things. I'm one step away from the "Jitterbug" phone. (look it up.)

Anyway, my son will be 10 months old tomorrow at this time. (10:08pm, actually.) I can't believe he's 10 months old. I can't believe he's doing the things he's doing, either. He can't walk unassisted but that doesn't stop him from getting into every little thing, including a game of splashie splashie in the potty whilst mommy changed her clothes in the bedroom. But he pulls up on everything and can stand without assistance for approximately 30 seconds at a time. And he can climb down from the couch properly, not just splat himself on the ground by rolling. (I'm glad he can't climb UP it yet, because as soon as he figures out how to climb UP, I'm gonna have to consider a cage similar to my dogs' bed as a sleeping quarters because that kid will NEVER stay in his bed AGAIN, I guaran-friggin-tee it.)

It amazes me daily how much I love him. I didn't think I'd ever get to a point where I loved someone with every single piece of my heart and then some. But I love that kid more than anything. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I have never loved someone so much, cared about someone so much, worried about someone so much, prayed about someone so much in my entire life. I still have panic attacks about him dying in his sleep, but it might be more of a control issue than I'm letting myself believe. I can't control his breathing. Nobody can. Only God and he can. And that's hard for me to understand, I guess. It's just like when someone else watches him for a little bit, I don't have control over what goes on.... or when the husband takes him to his parents' house, I don't have control over when he sleeps, when he eats, when he gets a diaper change. Hello, my name is Amy, and I have control issues. The first step is admitting it, yeah?

A child that I had when he was in 2nd grade's little sister died on Friday. She was only a year old. Just turned a year old in May. At his 5th grade promotion, I saw his mother and commented on how big the baby had gotten (it seemed like she was JUST pregnant, which is exactly how she felt about and she said "ah, she's little! she only weighs 17 lbs!" ...which is VERY little for a year old. Then she reached out to me for me to hold her, and I couldn't resist! I remember thinking that my own kid was a TANK compared to her.... he already outweighed her and was, at that point, only 8 months old. Then, I guess she realized she was with a stranger because she reached back for her mommy. She was a perfectly happy baby. I don't know what happened to her. I don't know if she just died all the sudden... or if she had something wrong with her.... or if something happened. It kills me not knowing, because you can only imagine what's going through my head with my own kid. And it kills me that someone lost their baby, because that's my biggest, greatest, most panic-inducing fear. And it's the most sad because it was one of my very first students' little sister, and you teachers out there know how you bond with your very first class. You feel like they're yours. So if he loses someone, I lose someone. I need to go to her funeral, but I don't know how I'll take the tiny coffin or the fact that the funeral is for a baby only about 3 or 4 months older than my own son. I'm doing lots of praying for the family, because I can only imagine the strength it's going to take for them to not fall completely apart.

Well, I guess that's about it... I still haven't won the lottery, which stinks, but I guess if I'm meant to do the things I think I'm meant to do, something will come up. If not... well.... I don't know.
Goodnight, dear bloggerville.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Apparently the Incredible Hulk got ahold of my husband's cell phone.
Actually DH just got mad because AT&T was being its usual self and not connecting phone calls so he took it out on the poor little phone.
A proper burial service will be held later today.

Monday, May 26, 2008



It's sad when the teacher is more excited to be away from that place than the students.
Ah well.

In baby news....
*turns 9 months old on Friday.
*cutting his first tooth, finally.
*crawls like the wind blows.
*pulls up on anything he thinks will hold him, stands, lets go, falls flat on his face.
*repeats the step above.
*learned to crawl the right way one day, learned to pull up the very next day. I guess tomorrow he'll learn to drive the car and mow the lawn, then the day after tomorrow he'll learn to be a neurosurgeon.
*is learning simple body parts like eyes, nose, and mouth.
*peekaboo and pattycake fanatic.

I broke my camera. I know, kick me. I deserve it. I want so desperately to catch these moments on film, but alas... my stupid camera.

Did I mention school's out?!
Help me pray, people.... pray with me that I will win the lottery between here and August, or that something else that I'm supposed to be doing will come and plop itself in my lap so I don't have to go back. I don't know that teaching is necessarily what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. At least not permanently. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but surely I have a purpose.... right? Or am I looking but not seeing what's right in front of my face?

Ah, well. It's bedtime.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

all I hear is blah blah blah blah

I work with a woman who acts just like Penelope from Saturday Night Live. For those of you that aren't familiar with Penelope (you know, the 2 of you that read this?), she's a character that is constantly trying to one-up anybody who's talking.... for instance...
Lady: (to her friend) Your mother-in-law sounds like a real piece of work!
Penelope: my mother-in-law is like 10 pieces of work... like 20 pieces of work... like 1000 pieces of work... she's more work than your mother-in-law... soooo...


Lady: so-n-so's cat Whiskers McGee died yesterday. She was 15 years old.
Penelope: My cat was 17 years old...its name was Whiskers McGee the first.... it died just a few minutes ago....

Anyway it's a lot funnier if you google it and watch the clips. But it's NOT funny to actually work with someone like this. This lady has a one-up for ANYTHING you've done, seen, experienced, felt, had done to you, etc. For instance....
Someone: my stomach sure hurts... I think I have a virus
Her: Well my stomach always hurts... it's hurting really bad... I think it's my colitis.

And you know, it wouldn't be THAT big a deal, except she doesn't even acknowledge what you said, other than to one-up it.
Me: Did you see that article in the paper where that lady was killed the car wreck?? Some people I know work for the volunteer fire department and were the first ones out there... they said her body parts were everywhere...
Her: Well when I had my wreck, blah blah blah blah blah.

A little sympathy for the woman who died, anyone??


In other news, my friend and I have babies almost the same age. (Mine is 6 weeks older than hers.) But hers is SOOOO HUGE!! She outweighs him by at least 2 pounds. But they are so cute together. She's very chill... my baby is very much a hyper-pants. She's so chubby. He is just long and kind of skinny looking compared to her. I babysat her for a little while yesterday, and I put her in the floor to play with Michael's toys... he got SOOOOOO jealous!! He kept grabbing things from her! He's only 8 months old.... where in the WORLD did he get THAT behavior??
Goofy child.
But he was excited for her to be there, and kept grabbing at her and laughing.... cheeky monkey.


That is all.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Here's the thing.

If that Miley Cyrus song doesn't get out of my head, I might be forced to torch a building. Preferably her music studio.

That is all.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Stuff and stuff.

He’ll be 7 months on Sunday. Seven months. Seven months ago, I was in painful labor all morning, afternoon, evening, and part of the night long, only to end up on an operating table listening to my doctor and the anesthesiologist talk about Kevin Costner movies and Brinks Home Security while my doctor pulled my child out of an opening in my stomach that he made before I was even aware my doctor was in the room yet. 7 months ago I heard my baby’s first cries... extremely loud for a newborn, I thought. Seven months ago I stayed up all night long because I was too scared to sleep with the baby in the room. I thought if I slept, the baby would not live. 7 months ago I had the worst and best experience of my life on the same exact day. SEVEN MONTHS. It’s getting closer and closer to a year. That makes me so sad. And happy.

He’s such a fun, content little person now. He’s expressive and is developing a sense of humor. He can wave hi and bye. He’s practically crawling. I’ll blink and he’ll be "practically driving". He finally, after months of begging from both Michael and me, can say "dada". He says "dada" when he’s happy and "mama" when he’s sad. Ha.

Oh, and he has upgraded to a big boy convertible carseat that stays in the car now. He looks so teensy in that big ol’ seat.

I still have nightly panic attacks about him not breathing while he’s sleeping. I don’t think they’re going to go away.

In other news, Spring is here, which means HELLOOOO ALLERGIES! My eyes are itchy balls of flame right now. But the weather has been simply beautiful, so I shant complain.
Well... I’m off to do.... other things than this. So long!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I truly have nothing to say. Except....

Judge David what's-his-face on TV says that if a fish kept its mouth shut, it wouldn't get caught.
Probably not relevant to my life, but kind of amusing.

Just like when Dorothy tells a 16-year-old that "just because the plumbing's in doesn't mean the house is ready to occupy." when talking about teen pregnancy. On Golden Girls. If you knew me AT ALL you wouldn't even need me to say the part about Golden Girls. Because you would already know.

My son is learning to crawl. He's not crawling yet, but he's learning. He can get up on all fours and rock back and forth. He can move backwards, but not forwards. And he can roll like the wind blows. But he can't crawl yet. That, however, doesn't stop him from getting in to things. A couple of days ago, I put him on a blanket with his toys in the living room, and went to the bathroom for about 30 seconds. I came back out of the bathroom and found my son in the kitchen, with the dog food, bowl knocked completely over, dog food heading toward his mouth by chubby little fistfuls.

My son is also learning to talk. He doesn't particularly know what he's saying, I suppose. But he can say "mama"...and he can say "bababa" (which I do have to say he says appropriately, whether he means to or not... when he's hungry--"baba!" [bottle]... when we're going somewhere-- "baba!" [bye-bye]..ah yes, my son's a genius... indulge me, people.) And last night, he discovered that finally, after weeks and weeks of both the husband and me in his face begging him to say it, he can say "dada"! He also does a pretty cute "hi!" and some other noises too, but those are the most notable. Although, I have to say, he only says "mama" when he's crying and upset. *sigh*

He is cutting a tooth. I figured he would be toothless until he's 9 months old and hairless until he's 1 1/2 years, like his dear ol' mom was. The hairless thing, perhaps. He's kind of a baldy. But he's cutting a tooth. On top. (I said before that the child does things the difficult way.) You see, his father has fangs. Vampire teeth. Unusually sharp and pointy teeth on either side of his front four teeth. And my son is destined to also have fangs. He is cutting a fang right now. He drools gallons, he chews on anything and everything, he's running a slight fever, which I have heard can be consistent with teething, and he's EXTREMELY WHINY right now. But he's cute so he's forgiven.

He had a bad case of EVERYTHING for a little while in February. Everything hit the poor child at once. He had the stomach bug (complete with tons of diarrhea), a moderate to high fever, a bad cough, a stuffy nose, and his eczema flared up really bad on his face, arms, and legs. The stomach bug affected him the most, causing him to lose a little bit of weight. At his 6-month well baby appointment, he had gained some of the weight back, but he was off track on his normal gaining. The child used to be in the 75th-90th percentile in weight and 90th+ percentile in height. He's pretty much still up there on height, but he has slipped to the 25th-50th percentile for weight. It is scary for me, but nobody else is worried about it. Not even his doctor.

Ah, his doctor. He got a new doctor. I'm glad of this. I really like his new doctor. He asks questions and listens and explains things. Imagine ME liking a doctor! I think part of it is that he's about my height so I know I could take him in a bout of fisticuffs. Part of it is that he wears "normal people clothes" instead of doctor clothes, and was receiving text messages as he was talking to me. Made him more human, I guess. He didn't look at the text messages or mess with his phone at all, so he was still professional. His breath smelled a little like green beans, although I think I have an obsession with people's breath smelling like green beans, because when I was in labor, the first anesthesiologist that put in the epidural's breath smelled like green beans to me. Maybe I have a green bean up my nose. But I digress. Point is--I like my kid's new doctor. I still hate the receptionists at the doctor's office, but they're just sad little people who answer phones for a living. I must pity them.

At the very end of January, my grandmother died. She was 76 years old. She was sassy and spry and silly until she had a stroke in December. The stroke resulted in left side paralysis, as it often does. They did tons upon tons of tests on her brain, and they discovered a mass on the other side of her brain... the side not affected by the stroke. Of course, this resulted in more testing, and come to find out, she had lung cancer that had spread to her brain. She was pretty much destined to not get better. While in the hospital, she had two heart attacks. She had two GI bleeds. She had pneumonia twice. She was starting to suffer. The hospital eventually said there was nothing else they could do, and the decision was made to put her in a skilled nursing home. She was there for an entire day, and she died the next. Some days I am pretty positive I'm at peace with her passing. She was suffering, after all, and for someone who was spry and silly to suffer is worse than death itself. She went to Heaven. I know she did. She's up there now with my first baby, enjoying all of her relatives that went before her. But there are days when I listen to my mom (it was her mom) talk about her "what if's"... "what if we never put her on the chemo and radiation? What if we would have just let her go in her own time? What if we would have pulled her out of physical therapy instead of letting them work her so hard?"... and I know my mom wasn't mentally prepared for her mother to go. The day that my grandmother had the stroke, my mom went to be by her side. She didn't leave her side for more than just a short period of time for the entire month and 1/2. Whatever peace she needed to make, she tried to make. But obviously it wasn't enough. My mother is going through the stages of grief and loss. But I never did... I just accepted it, which makes me feel guilty.

My child's only time to ever meet her. Except when he was in my tummy. That's my mom holding him.

I will give you a dollar if you truly read this entire long post.

No, I probably won't. But it's a nice thought anyway!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

off my chest.

Two things I need to say.
Number one-- I think that cell phones have made us ignorant and spineless. Sure, I enjoy the convenience of having a way to get ahold of someone at all times. But number one, I don't know ANYBODY's number anymore. I don't take the time to memorize it... why should I? Isn't that why they invented address books on phones? But what happens if something occurs and I don't have access to my cell phone? Who do I call? I guess I can call the Pizza Hut in Oklahoma City (270-0000!!) or time and temperature in Ada (436-1776)... or the chinese place here in Lawton (fie-nine-fie-nine-fie-fie-fie...tank yu)... and that's about it. Number two, I am wondering what the point of text messaging is. Okay, I do it too, every now and then. Most of the time with my little sister, who could probably win a fastest text messager contest. But why is it that people seem to be able to say things via text message that they can't say to people's faces? The words on the screen... do they have magical powers that make you brave? I say this because today I was told of the second happening of its kind that I've heard of in recent history..... a boyfriend dumping a girlfriend via text message. And yes, perhaps if they were 15 and only called each other boyfriend/girlfriend because it's the cool thing to do, and they "go out" together but they don't actually "go out" anywhere, then yeah, whatever, break up via text message. But I'm talking about grown men... one in his late 20s, one in his late 30s... breaking up with a woman over text message. And in all actuality, I have heard of another recent break up via e-mail. Stop the insanity, people!! What happened to good, old fashioned common courtesy?! I remember when breaking up with someone or delivering bad news via the telephone was uncouth. I can't begin to express my loathing for someone who cannot "balls up" and say something to someone's face that they can type out, one stupid letter at a time, on a cell phone.

Number two-- I am outraged at the moment because of a recent child abuse case here in Lawton that has caused a 2 month old baby to be laid to rest. I am outraged that the mother gave the oldest excuse in the book (my baby fell off the 2-ft bed on to the carpet and now he has irreversible brain damage, can't breathe on his own, and a hemorrhage behind his eye consistent with shaken baby syndrome... yeah, that's it!), and upon realizing nobody was believing her story, changes it to where her other son who is about 1 1/2 pushed the baby off the bed. Wow. I am outraged that she allowed herself to get that frustrated without walking away. I am outraged that her frustrations were taken out on a 2 month old baby. I am outraged that she didn't ask for help.... even if she asked a neighbor to watch her sons while she cried her eyes out in the bathroom or something. And yet my heart goes out to her for not doing something. Don't get me wrong, I know how very frustrating a baby can be. Especially when they cry. My child doesn't "cry"--he has two volumes, silence and SCREAMING. I have been blessed with what can be described as a "difficult" child. He is very strong willed, very demanding, and has a very, VERY bad temper. And my mom, husband, sister, and whoever else dropped by the hospital the day after he was born can tell you this--he has been that way SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN. I was major pain from a c-section, I was frustrated because breastfeeding was harder than I imagined it would be, I was exhausted because I was in labor for 30+ hours, pushed for 3, to be wheeled back to surgery, then I stayed up the entire night he was born for fear he would stop breathing if I wasn't watching.... and my son cried, cried, screamed, and cried some more. Yes, I was frustrated. Yes, I wanted to scream and cry myself. But I could never pick up his 8 lb, 7 oz body and harm it. I could never lay my hands on him to hurt him. I love him so much, and I love his faults... even when they frustrate me... they make him Peanut! There is no excuse for child abuse.

Now the question is-- what can I do to help make this sweet, innocent angel in heaven's life have a purpose? How do I make sure, single handedly, that this doesn't happen again in this city? That's what I want to know.

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.