Sunday, June 29, 2008

the phone epidemic and other things.

I guess my phone caught the phone death disease because it has decided that yes, it will receive text messages; yes, it will send text messages; yes, it will allow me to hear people talking during a conversation; but NOOOOOO, they will NOT be able to hear me. I'm not sure what in the bloody heck is wrong with the thing, but really it doesn't matter anyway because it gave me an excuse to buy a new phone.
And by "new," I of course mean a newISH. I hardly buy anything new. I'm very tight in that regard.
It's refurbished. And it's not fancy. I don't like fancy shenanigans. I'm too old to learn new things. I'm one step away from the "Jitterbug" phone. (look it up.)

Anyway, my son will be 10 months old tomorrow at this time. (10:08pm, actually.) I can't believe he's 10 months old. I can't believe he's doing the things he's doing, either. He can't walk unassisted but that doesn't stop him from getting into every little thing, including a game of splashie splashie in the potty whilst mommy changed her clothes in the bedroom. But he pulls up on everything and can stand without assistance for approximately 30 seconds at a time. And he can climb down from the couch properly, not just splat himself on the ground by rolling. (I'm glad he can't climb UP it yet, because as soon as he figures out how to climb UP, I'm gonna have to consider a cage similar to my dogs' bed as a sleeping quarters because that kid will NEVER stay in his bed AGAIN, I guaran-friggin-tee it.)

It amazes me daily how much I love him. I didn't think I'd ever get to a point where I loved someone with every single piece of my heart and then some. But I love that kid more than anything. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I have never loved someone so much, cared about someone so much, worried about someone so much, prayed about someone so much in my entire life. I still have panic attacks about him dying in his sleep, but it might be more of a control issue than I'm letting myself believe. I can't control his breathing. Nobody can. Only God and he can. And that's hard for me to understand, I guess. It's just like when someone else watches him for a little bit, I don't have control over what goes on.... or when the husband takes him to his parents' house, I don't have control over when he sleeps, when he eats, when he gets a diaper change. Hello, my name is Amy, and I have control issues. The first step is admitting it, yeah?

A child that I had when he was in 2nd grade's little sister died on Friday. She was only a year old. Just turned a year old in May. At his 5th grade promotion, I saw his mother and commented on how big the baby had gotten (it seemed like she was JUST pregnant, which is exactly how she felt about and she said "ah, she's little! she only weighs 17 lbs!" ...which is VERY little for a year old. Then she reached out to me for me to hold her, and I couldn't resist! I remember thinking that my own kid was a TANK compared to her.... he already outweighed her and was, at that point, only 8 months old. Then, I guess she realized she was with a stranger because she reached back for her mommy. She was a perfectly happy baby. I don't know what happened to her. I don't know if she just died all the sudden... or if she had something wrong with her.... or if something happened. It kills me not knowing, because you can only imagine what's going through my head with my own kid. And it kills me that someone lost their baby, because that's my biggest, greatest, most panic-inducing fear. And it's the most sad because it was one of my very first students' little sister, and you teachers out there know how you bond with your very first class. You feel like they're yours. So if he loses someone, I lose someone. I need to go to her funeral, but I don't know how I'll take the tiny coffin or the fact that the funeral is for a baby only about 3 or 4 months older than my own son. I'm doing lots of praying for the family, because I can only imagine the strength it's going to take for them to not fall completely apart.

Well, I guess that's about it... I still haven't won the lottery, which stinks, but I guess if I'm meant to do the things I think I'm meant to do, something will come up. If not... well.... I don't know.
Goodnight, dear bloggerville.

No comments: