Monday, February 16, 2009

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This morning, the power did NOT go out while I was showering. I did NOT have crazy thoughts in my head that some maniac was in my house and cut the power, or came by (I keep the door open while I shower when I'm alone so I can hear the little guy) and flipped the switch off... that would be over the top, and that's so NOT me! :)

Also, since the power was off, I did NOT try to call my dear husband to come home and hook the refrigerator to the generator because HI I JUST DID NOT GO GROCERY SHOPPING YESTERDAY! When I tried to call him, I got a message that said our cell account had been suspended because we were late on the payment. Now, who would be late on the cell phone payment because she simply forgot about it?? NOT ME!

And while the power was off, it was just then that I did NOT realize how many things are run by electricity. (Okay, maybe I already knew, but DEFINITELY took those things for granted.) The most important this morning being the garage door opener. The garage was pitch black, and I couldn't find my husband's flashlight (he's a great flashlight hider!), so I did NOT go light up a candle so I could see what I was doing to open the garage door manually!

It did NOT take me a ridiculous amount of time to figure out how to open the garage door manually.

I did NOT do a victory dance when I got it to go up.

Yesterday, when my husband changed my son's diaper, he did NOT get it on extremely crookedly to where my son's whole precious buttcheek was hanging out. My son did NOT then proceed to have a bowel movement with half of his butt hanging out of his diaper.
And guess who had to clean it up? NOT ME! Okay yes, me.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

this...that...the other.

I hope you all had a great vd.
I mean....Valentine's Day. yeah. :)

I have a stomach virus from atche-e-double-hockey-sticks. I have unsuccessfully consumed 2 meals since Friday. Both have already excused themselves from my system in an untimely manner. I am not happy with this. I like to eat. Eating = hugging porcelain. :(

Seriously, though, who gives out stomach viruses on VALENTINE'S DAY!? The hubbster wanted to go to the new steakhouse in town yesterday, but I couldn't get it together and leave the potty long enough for that. I am a nice wifey so I was willing to go to a steakhouse where I knew I wouldn't be able to eat, all for the sake of my husband's Valentine's dinner. But my body wouldn't cooperate. So we went to a drive-in-type establishment (it's called Wayne's. It's kinda like Sonic, except for old-fashioned), and I bought my boys some junk food (aka bacon burger for the big boy, grilled cheese for the little one). I ate some fries and about 1/4 of a hamburger. I regretted it later.

Today I feel a whoooole lot better, but I still can't keep anything inside. I tried to have a very small lunch of salad and strawberries, and that didn't work out the way I intended. All I can say is, thank you JESUS for the following products...
*Immodium AD.
*Charmin. yeah.
*Tetris on my cell phone. Because let's face it... if you're going to be camped out in the bathroom with things flying out in all directions at all hours of the day and night, you should at least have something available to entertain yourself.

OH, and Vanessa... a little girl (a little girl that I don't even know, but has taken to me for some reason...she's in another class at school, I never had her in my class, but she gives me huge hugs every day and acts like we're BFFs...) brought me the first Twilight book. I guess I'll be reading it after all. I haven't started it yet, but I'll let you know if it's worth the read.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Not ME! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last week, I did not arrive home from work with an "I don't want to cook" attitude, so I did NOT suggest that we go out to eat at our favorite Korean restaurant. (Korean ladies LOVE my son...they go nuts over him! I mean... no they don't...heh). The hubby wanted to go eat as soon as I got home...however, I did NOT have to pee REALLY BAD. (Sorry, that sounds disgusting. I mean.. relieve myself.) Also, my son's babysitter did NOT switch his cute jeans for some yucktacious, funky, parachute-looking pants earlier that day when he spilled milk all over himself. So what did I NOT do? I did NOT de-shoe and de-pants my son, change his pants, and re-shoe him ALL WHILE POTTYING! :)

And don't you let anybody tell you that I gave my kiddos at school extra recess because I wasn't in the teaching mood one day this last week. Never happened!

Let's not even count the number of times I did NOT wipe my son's poor little snotty nose on something other than a tissue this week!* The count does NOT include my shirt, one of his socks, a paper towel I happened to be hoarding away in my purse (it's a scary place in my purse, people. A, and (this one will cost me a fortune in his therapist bills one day) a pad. An Always pad. With wings. Nope, I wouldn't do that to my precious toddler!

*nearly all of the above mentioned snotty-nosed incidents happened while we were on the road or in a parking lot of some random store. I do keep my son's nose very clean at home with the proper tools, aka aspirator and tissues. Just to clear up any why-does-this-woman-have-a-kid-omg confusion. :)

This week, my husband did NOT decide to clean out our storage unit (and that was NOT so we didn't have to keep paying other people to store our accumulated crap for us). He did NOT find some of my awesome memorabilia.... including, but not limited to, my softball trophies, a bunch of band stuff (NOT a band nerd! Promise!), a poster I had hanging on my wall when I was a teenager, lots of notes passed between my BFF of old and me (I wouldn't do that during school! NOT ME!), and a letter, sent to me in 1996 from my big sister, which included a beautiful poem about me. And I have decided NOT to share its beauty with the blogger world.
It does NOT go a little something like this..

The Stink of Amy

There is nothing I can say
to really describe the way
you smell...
not well....
It's such a nasty stink
It's hard for me to think.
While I ponder
I think I'll stand back yonder.
Your smell is more
than a skank-ridden whore.
I only can hope
you will find a good soap.

The End!

Ah, sisterly love!! hahahaha.