Monday, February 09, 2009

Not ME! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last week, I did not arrive home from work with an "I don't want to cook" attitude, so I did NOT suggest that we go out to eat at our favorite Korean restaurant. (Korean ladies LOVE my son...they go nuts over him! I mean... no they don't...heh). The hubby wanted to go eat as soon as I got home...however, I did NOT have to pee REALLY BAD. (Sorry, that sounds disgusting. I mean.. relieve myself.) Also, my son's babysitter did NOT switch his cute jeans for some yucktacious, funky, parachute-looking pants earlier that day when he spilled milk all over himself. So what did I NOT do? I did NOT de-shoe and de-pants my son, change his pants, and re-shoe him ALL WHILE POTTYING! :)

And don't you let anybody tell you that I gave my kiddos at school extra recess because I wasn't in the teaching mood one day this last week. Never happened!

Let's not even count the number of times I did NOT wipe my son's poor little snotty nose on something other than a tissue this week!* The count does NOT include my shirt, one of his socks, a paper towel I happened to be hoarding away in my purse (it's a scary place in my purse, people. A, and (this one will cost me a fortune in his therapist bills one day) a pad. An Always pad. With wings. Nope, I wouldn't do that to my precious toddler!

*nearly all of the above mentioned snotty-nosed incidents happened while we were on the road or in a parking lot of some random store. I do keep my son's nose very clean at home with the proper tools, aka aspirator and tissues. Just to clear up any why-does-this-woman-have-a-kid-omg confusion. :)

This week, my husband did NOT decide to clean out our storage unit (and that was NOT so we didn't have to keep paying other people to store our accumulated crap for us). He did NOT find some of my awesome memorabilia.... including, but not limited to, my softball trophies, a bunch of band stuff (NOT a band nerd! Promise!), a poster I had hanging on my wall when I was a teenager, lots of notes passed between my BFF of old and me (I wouldn't do that during school! NOT ME!), and a letter, sent to me in 1996 from my big sister, which included a beautiful poem about me. And I have decided NOT to share its beauty with the blogger world.
It does NOT go a little something like this..

The Stink of Amy

There is nothing I can say
to really describe the way
you smell...
not well....
It's such a nasty stink
It's hard for me to think.
While I ponder
I think I'll stand back yonder.
Your smell is more
than a skank-ridden whore.
I only can hope
you will find a good soap.

The End!

Ah, sisterly love!! hahahaha.


dmelen said...

Love the post. Too funny! The pad nose wiping had me laughing so hard I could have peed.

Wayne said...

Great not me monday I thought your not me's were great, especially the one about you giving the kid's extra rescess to funny

Would you like to take part in Tribute tuesday?. It's a blog I made and its a chance to say thankyou to that some one in your life who has made the world a better place for you. It has mr linky so the world can see your tribute to that special person

Mighty M said...

Very funny Not Me! post. You know, recess is GOOD for kids. They need extra exercise, you just keep right on giving them an "extra" one, it's for them, not YOU. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I totally commented yesterday. What happened to it?

I said you could smell the love in the poem, but now it's not funny. Alas.