Saturday, May 29, 2010

5 months

Dear Dylan,

Today you turn 5 months old!! Really?! Where did the whole month go?? You have been a busy boy this month, learning new skills and getting big!

~You haven't been weighed in yet, so I don't know your weight, but you're growing nicely! Everyone comments on how filled out and chunky you are!

~You wear 3-6 month clothes, but your feet are still so tiny that you wear a size newborn (size 1) in shoes.

~You are talking more, adding "Oohhhmbuuh" and "Aaaagoooo" to your vocabulary. I'm positive that means "I have the prettiest mommy in the world!" hehe

~Just today you rolled from your back to your front with no assistance! And then you started fussing because you were on your tummy and didn't wanna be!

~You're still sleeping through the night! I feel so blessed to get a full night's sleep every night!

~You're really getting too big for your bassinet, but I hate to give up having you in the room with us at night. But I know you'll love your crib!

~You haven't started any solids yet, but maybe that'll be in next month's update! You love your breastmilk, though!

~You have some stranger anxiety... who can blame you, with all the shots and blood draws you've had in your short life. You practically break your neck looking for mommy if someone is holding you and I'm standing nearby.

~Still, everybody who meets you falls in love immediately!

Friday, May 28, 2010

a decision

I went up to my school today. First time I've been there since right before Christmas break. I went after school so I didn't have to see many people. I saw my old classroom... things were different. It's funny how you don't actually expect life to go on without you. I had the weirdest feeling of being violated and being bitter, even though those feelings were unjustified. It's not my sub's fault that she did the absolute very best she could and gave those kids what they deserved-- a teacher that was there and not gone all the time for appointments. In fact, that's EXACTLY what I wanted her to do. But when I saw the whiteboard, with their little signatures on it telling her that she was the "best teacher ever" and that they were going to miss her over the summer... well, I felt sad and betrayed and forgotten. I know how dumb that sounds. I'm the one who CHOSE, and was not FORCED, to take a leave of absence from school. With my son AND my class's best interest at heart. But it still stung a bit.

But... seeing that classroom... I know that nothing inside of it compares to being home with my babies. So, (depending on if we don't struggle too badly financially this summer, which would change this decision drastically...), I think it's my place to be home. For good. Or at least until Dylan is no longer breastfeeding and starts taking to other people a little better. (Presently, he seems to have stranger anxiety... you should see how he searches for me when someone else is holding him.)

So... here goes nothin'.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

You're my little lovebug; my cuddly kangaroo...

My funny bunny, sweet as honey, all of this is true!

You're everything that's wonderful; you're all of the above...

But most of all, what YOU are is...

God's sweetest gift of love!

words borrowed from the book You're My Little Lovebug

Monday, May 24, 2010


1. quite obviously not dead.

2. cute pictures on my camera.

3. ...........

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

tornadoes part deux, and other randomage.

Tomorrow is promising to be filled with tornadoes again, and this time in MY half of Oklahoma (you didn't know I owned half of OK, did you? heh), so if you never hear from me again, assume that my time has come and that you have inherited my pogo stick.

But in all seriousness on the tornado thing, I am scared. I hate bad weather. But if it happens in the middle of the night? Fahgettaboutit. I'll sleep right through it.

Couple of days ago, I had a bit of a spewing of the mouth on facebook via cryptic status message. Sorry about that, guys. I just get so frustrated. And I wasn't REALLY speaking to anybody in particular (yes I was), but if I WERE (I was), it would have been to people that are generally nice people, but just have their heads up their hindquarters at the moment. And they didn't get it. (Don't worry, it wasn't any of you who responded.) Anyway, moving on.

School is almost out, which means I'm supposed to go up to the school and get my stuff packed. Here-in lies my dilemma... I don't know if I shall be returning to teaching or not. So I don't know what to do with my stuff. Should I pack it up with the intentions of not coming back? Should I leave it there and make the next fool I mean, teacher clean it up? I have until February to decide if I'm returning to the profession. I wouldn't mind doing something to bring money in to our family, but I don't know that teaching is what I want to do. Plus, I've fallen in love with my current job, and I don't want to give it up. Decisions, decisions.

D man had his bi-monthly visit with the OT lady yesterday. He showed off ALL of his mad skills, like "look what I can do now, lady!!" and she seemed to be impressed. This was the first visit with her that he didn't cry the entire time! He only cried at the end, like "GEEZ, chick, what's with making me do all these workouts? I'm tiiiiiireddddd, waaaaaaaaahh." He's trying so hard to roll from back to front now... he perfected the front-to-back roll weeks ago. He's getting so big!

Pictures eventually.

So I was watching Tyra yesterday (don't ask me why, for I haven't a good explanation), and appaaaarently, there's a dating website for folks who are married and want to have an affair. It's funny, because OMG there's a site for married folks to hook up with each other! But it's NOT funny because it's a site for married folks to hook up with each other. I suppose that people think that cheating will magically make their problems disappear. Unfortunately for them, it doesn't work that way. Shame on the person who owns this website. Shame on them for profiting off of people's pain. Shame on me for watching trash TV! And also, shame on me for wikipedia'ing the site because I was still in shock that this place even exists. And indeed, it does.

Which brings me to evidence number 234093284098 that I have the TV on too much during the day:
Little M, having his toys talk to each other, completely engaged in his own little imagination: Just go to disneychannel dot com and check it out!!

uh. oops.

Here's one more Michaelism, then I must sleep:

Me: James Michael, your room is SUCH a mess! *Sigh*
Him: Don't worry, Mommy. You will CLEAN the mess!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Tornadoes are no bueno.

All's good here, for anybody who was worried about us Okies. I live in Southwestern Oklahoma (I know it says I live in Ada, but I don't. I grew up in Ada, though. Home of a football player, a country singer, and a couple of redneck cowboys who came in second on Amazing Race. And me. The redneck cowboys' momma took my senior pictures, though. BUT I DIGRESS.)

Tornadoes. Yes.

We didn't get hit here in SW OK. But we watched the terrible damage as it was happening in central OK, especially the OKC area (specifically Norman) and the Shawnee/Tecumseh area. I prayed for the poor people living through those mean tornadoes... I marveled at how, in a neighborhood, several houses were reduced to simply foundation, and some houses weren't touched at all. I watched a vehicle tumble down the road. I saw a whole truck stop demolished. And it's scary business.

Tornadoes. I. Do. Not. Like.

Keep those people who were affected in your thoughts and prayers, please. The last total of deaths I heard was 5, but the property damage is out of this world. Praise God for those who did escape with their lives, and may God hold the ones who didn't make it in the palm of His hand.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Stuff I'm Thinking About.

1) When you find out that my child has Down syndrome? You know what I really don't want to hear? "Oh, children with Down syndrome are the sweetest kids ever!" So is the bonus chromosome the sweet chromosome or something?! If my son is a good natured kid, it's because he's Dylan. Not because he has designer genes. It's such a generalization that's not necessarily true... people with Down syndrome have ranges of emotions, just like people with the regular amount of chromosomes do. They are going to be happy, sad, angry, excited, indifferent. Maybe it's just someone's way of making the parent feel better about the diagnosis... but really? Down syndrome is really NOT bad news. Dylan is Dylan. He's not Down syndrome.

2) If you're staying away, you're one ones missing out. I can promise you that.

3) I saw a friend I used to work with yesterday at a restaurant. She has a baby just a couple of weeks younger than Dylan. I got to hold him, with his huge eyes and bigger grin and TONS OF BLACK HAIR (Dylan and his one small blond sprig were jealous!). And for the first time during this 4-month-so-far-wild-ride, I saw the things that this sweet baby his age could do that Dylan can't. Yet. And for a brief moment, I was sad. I've tricked myself into thinking it's not okay to be sad. That being sad is insulting to my child that I love so much. But it IS okay. Our family was given an alternate version of normal. A slower-paced, small-things-are-big-achievements normal. And my new normal is perfectly okay. And Dylan will be able to do the things this other baby was doing eventually. But... for that brief moment, my heart broke.

4) Let's leave it with a Michaelism.
Him (Using a comb as a camera): Say CHEESE! SMILE! *click* That's an AWESOME picture! :)

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I Will Carry You, and well-baby visit

I will keep this short and sweet, because my husband's sleeping head is like, maybe 3 feet away from this computer and this keyboard is very clackety. Is that a word? Anyway, I read Angie Smith's book, I Will Carry You, in a 24 hour period. I have been reading Angie's blog since probably about October of 2008, about 6 months after her sweet baby girl Audrey went to be with Jesus. I actually found her blog through another baby loss blog, which also introduced me to her sister-in-law Nicol, who also lost a sweet baby boy... which introduced me to the group Selah. I know, I have an e-stalking problem. lol Anyway, all of that to say, it was an AMAZING book. Even though I knew the story of Audrey Caroline (or at least most of it) before I read the book, I still bawled my eyes out. It's a must read.


Dylan had his 4-month well-baby check-up today. First, I have to say that his doctor is a very kind, very concerned and thoughtful person. She is also about 4 ft 9 inches tall. And very blunt. Our conversations always (and I mean always. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.) consist of this:
Her: How much is he eating?
Me: As much as he wants, whenever he wants.
Her: Oh, you breastfeed... do you supplement?
Me: Yes, I breastfeed. No I do not supplement.
Her: Okay, I just don't want him to get fat.
Me: It's just breastmilk. It's good for him.
Her: Yes, it's good for him, it'll be easy for him to work The Fat off.

hehe. Bless her soul.

Anyway, The Dylanator is up to 12 lbs, 6 oz. and 23.5 inches long. He had 3 immunization shots and some oral something-or-other. (Before this fact offends anyone, I should just say that Yes, I immunize my children. No, I don't want to debate it with you. No, I don't think you're wrong for not immunizing. No, I don't think *I'm* wrong FOR immunizing. I think everybody should do what their heart tells them to do in this matter. The end. :))

His little doctor thought he looked kind of pale, so she wants him on a multivitamin. She wanted to check his hemoglobin and his thyroid levels again, so she sent us down to get bloodwork. Dylan's at that awkward stage where he's really too big to prick his heel, but his little arms are so chubby that it's hard for them to find a vein. They poked and poked my baby til I deemed it Enough For One Day. They only got enough blood for the thyroid blood test... the blood for the CBC blood test clotted, and that's apparently a no-no.

He's been a grumpy gus this afternoon/evening, but he ate well and he fell asleep just fine. He's a little warm from the shots, but the only tylenol I have has been recalled, so I will just monitor him.

Whoops, this turned longer than I anticipated. Good thing my hubby could sleep through a tornado. Or at least, through a baby crying in the night... :)