Sunday, April 17, 2011

Just sentences that don't go together.

First of all, I'm typing this on my phone. With my swype feature. Swype is super fun. The most fun part is all the awesome suggestions it gives me. Like when it suggested nicaragua for a word I swyped that was TOTALLY NOT THAT!

Second of all, I've been a tad depressed lately, feeling like such a failure as a mother because of Dylan's lack of progress in the motor skills department. It certainly didn't help that his developmental therapist suggested, in the nicest way she could muster, that perhaps he isn't progressing because I give in to him too easily. I'm not exactly sure what gave her that idea, since it's not exactly true, but it's what she implied. I have never felt so defeated, since what I read into that conversation was "it's your fault. You aren't working hard enough." (not what she said, just what I heard.)

So I discussed it with my mother-in-law. And she assured me that we (she keeps the boys during the day) are doing everything we can, and that D will come around in his own time. And I spoke with his pediatrician, who made me feel much better by reminding me that he IS only the size of a nine month old, and (like my MIL) that D will come around in his own time.

So I feel semi-better that I am not a total failure, but that leaves me in a weird spot-- where do we go from here? Dr. s suggested I ask for a new therapist. She also really wants me to sign him up for private physical therapy. My MIL suggested I stop therapy all together, since he isn't ready to comply. I think maybe I should give his therapist another chance, since I'm not convinced she meant to hurt my feelings. But perhaps meet her at the health department instead of my house so she doesn't get laid back, pushover vibes from me. What do you think?

To top it all off, D is having some health issues. He recently broke out with a rash of red bumps all over his face. When they refused to go away, I took him to Dr. S. At first glance she suspected eczema, but little m has severe eczema...has since he was just a few weeks old...and it doesn't look or feel anything like that. At closer inspection, she thought it was possibly a bacterial infection. In addition, he still has his ear infections. So he's on a super strong antibiotic, a higher level of hydrocortisone cream, and some other kind of cream.

But you see, I've become THAT mommy. The obsessive googler ((side note: swype just suggested hooker for googler.ha!) that looks up symptoms on the interwebz. And I found something that looks like what D has. It's called idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura. Or ITP. Fast forward to today. My coworker (who just had a baby, and that baby had blood sugar issues that landed him in the same NICU where D lived his first month of life) texted and asked for Dr. S's number and fax number. I have her number in my phone, but I didn't have her fax. So I started looking through all our NICU paperwork, hoping I wrote it down on something. Lo and behold, what did his NICU discharge papers say? That he had thrombocytopenia. And that it needed to be monitored by his primary care physician. Only nobody ever discussed it with me. Or explained it to me. I'm still not sure what it is.

Now I've got to discuss it with Dr. s.

Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, and swyping a big long blog entry isn't as fun as I thought it would be. So goodnight folks.