Ha Ha Ha, Bless Your Soul...

Two.

2011-12-29T14:55:00.004-06:00

Dear Dylan,

Today you are two. Two years ago, I was only 37 weeks pregnant. Two years ago, I had a routine OB appointment that was pretty status quo. Two years ago, I had a non-stress test, which was also typical. Two years ago, happenstance kept me on the monitor a little longer than I was supposed to be on there, which was a blessing since it caught your heartrate dipping down very low. Two years ago, I almost got sent to Oklahoma City in an ambulance, but the sweet nurse talked the doctor into letting us drive up there instead. Two years ago, I showed up at the hospital at about 5:45PM and had you at 6:37PM. Two years ago, I looked at you for the first time, and I knew you. Two years ago, I fell in love with you. Two years ago, you started the journey to change our lives and our hearts forever. We will never be the same people we were ever again, all because you made your appearance. Two years ago today.

The day.

One year later.

Two years later.

"Retard."

2011-12-22T01:23:00.002-06:00

"Some people make me feel like such a retard!" --an acquaintance on facebook.

Dear facebook acquaintance,

I'm very sorry someone has made you feel stupid. (I assume that's what you meant, yes?) I hate it when people make me feel that way.

But, without realizing it, by NOT wanting to feel like a "retard," you are actually selling yourself short. You see, without fluffy and silly generalizations, people with intellectual disabilities are neat people. They're eager to learn, eager to please, and they try harder than anyone. They think things through more thoroughly (even if those thoughts are simple), they use the common sense they've worked so hard to acquire, and they CARE about people's feelings. When they are passionate about something, it becomes something they are bound and determined to master. Their accomplishments are monumental. Ever met a person with an intellectual disability who is judgmental? Me neither. Their capacity to love is beyond anything you can ever imagine.

They're magic, facebook acquaintance.

Are you SURE you have thought this through, facebook acquaintance? I think it would be awesome if you would learn that "retard" doesn't equal "idiot".....not by a long shot. If you truly understood what you said, you'd know what a blessing it would be if you were more like "them."

Love,
Me.

Catch up

2011-12-16T23:37:00.003-06:00

... which, in all honesty about my accent, probably sounds more like Ketchup.

So, what all has happened in the last month and 1/2? Um... this, that, the other.

The kids are doing fine.

Dylan is strengthening all his newfound skills. He's crawling a ton now... dare I say, more than he army crawls and rolls. He pulls up on things to his knees, or what his therapist likes to call "high knees," and of course it makes me giggle when she says that because I'm 12. He has a new word- no. Not just no, but "no no no no no no no!" It sounds a bit more like "na," but his facial expression and the shaking of his little finger gets his point across. He's also FINALLY figured out the word "mama," although it's still used mostly when he's hungry. So, if anybody's keeping count (I'm not even REALLY keeping count), that makes Dada, Mama, and no. Also, when you say, "Dylan, do you have poop?" He'll wave his hand back and forth by his diaper and say "shhhhhew"...Cuteness. And when you say "cut the pickle!" he'll put his two index fingers together and gear himself up for you to cut the pickle then tickle him. I love that look-- that "I know you're going to tickle me, and it already tickles just thinking about it" look. He gets that from me, for sure.

Little Michael was in his first school Christmas play. He was an angel. A super cute angel, at that.

I have video, too... but I also have the slowest computer known to man. So I don't think it will upload.

He made a ton of Christmas decorations for us at school. They are very creative there! I felt lucky because we have an art teacher at my school, and she made ornaments with them... this was good news, because I couldn't think of anything creative to do. But next year, we might make Rudolphs out of clothes pins or dog treats.

We all had colds for a while that started out as head colds and went to chest colds. I was sick for a week, but I still went to work because I'm a glutton for punishment, of course. Little m's wasn't ever terrible. Dylan probably got the sickest out of all of us... his included puking his little guts out.

But we're all on the mend now, although big M is starting to lose his voice... *aw, darn!*

Dylan had a genetics appointment at the beginning of December (just a yearly thing we do). He saw the Physician's Assistant, and she was proooobably 6 years younger than I am. I don't like that. The visit was fairly fruitless... although she did order bloodwork to keep an eye on his thyroid levels and such. They came back normal, so that's fabulous. She said next year she'll order xrays to check his neck and back. She also said he still has fluid in his ears, so I guess we'll speak to his ped about a referral to an ENT doctor. While we were in OpenHomaCity (I love that it's still how little M says it), we checked out the completed construction at OU Children's. It looks amazing!! I love how connected the physician's building and the hospital are now. I love the waterfall inside. Michael and I agreed that if it had been all completed and as calm and non-construction-y during our NICU stay as it was during our recent visit, maybe things would have felt a little less stressful and hectic. But, it is what it is.

The cold weather reminds me of that time still.

I have a ton of Christmas wrapping to do.

I'm on Christmas vacation til January 3rd. I really need the sleep.

I uploaded pictures from my camera for the first time since May. Oops! Lots of fun pictures on there.

I think that pretty much catches (ketches?) you up on us. What's new with you?

DIHOT pt 2b, halloween, and life.

2011-11-06T00:44:00.005-05:00

I apologize for the crappy quality.. it was late-ish, and I took that with my phone, which I'm certain had baby drool on the camera lens. But, there it is. My guy, crawling across the room.

I'm so proud of him.

***************************

In Halloween news, it was a bust this year. We didn't trick-or-treat, because little M had a nasty stomach virus. I was up with him ALL night long the night before. Our neighbors found out we weren't trick-or-treating, and they brought over a bucket of candy for little M, though. So he didn't go without. :) That was so sweet.

Dylan also caught the stomach virus, which made its debut on Friday night... WHILE we were at a chinese restaurant. It was as horrifying as I'm sure you're imagining it.

I'm certain I will catch it too, although I don't usually catch the kids' ailments, since I'm around 24 germy kiddos every day (not even including my own). But this time? I was drenched from head to toe in Dylan vomit. So I don't know how I could NOT catch it. I'm not looking forward to it... I have a throwing-up phobia.

Oh, but back to Halloween. Little M and Dylan DID get to wear their costumes once this Halloween season, though. We went to little M's school carnival the weekend before Halloween, and they wore their Buzz (Dylan) and Woody (little M) costumes with pride. I'm not positive if we got any pictures, though.

*********
In school (for little M and for me) news, everything's going well. Little M has gotten used to school and seems to be doing fairly well. Every time I drop him off, I can hear several little voices yelling "Michael's here! Hi, Michael!!" so that has to be a good sign, right? On Friday, he had a mishap where they were cleaning up their centers, and a kid threw a toy and hit him just near the eye. So he has a nice little shiner going on, but he's okay. I'm starting to really love his school and teachers. If he's having a hard time separating from me in the morning, they'll hug him and hold him til I'm gone. He tells me he loves school and his teachers. I can't ask for more than that for him.

My school... my kiddos are really blossoming. I do love the "little sponges" part of first grade.

**********
In "okay, that was weird" news... we had a series of earthquakes this weekend in Oklahoma. I didn't feel the ones in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday morning, but I TOTALLY felt the one Saturday night! It was kind of exciting, because I hadn't felt one that strong (5.6) before.

********
Since I have cleaned more puke than I ever care to see again in my life, I have obviously been missing out on some sleep. I can't wait to turn my clock back (right before I go to bed in a few seconds), lie down, and wake up---um, sometime. Hopefully late. Hopefully not to throw up. :( Ugh.

G'night.

Dylan, in his own time, part 2a

2011-10-30T22:40:00.003-05:00

Ladies and gents... we officially have a crawler!! He can only go a short distance, but he can DEFINITELY move forward on all fours!! (He could previously army crawl and roll, but this, my friends, was a real, true crawl!) What's next, Dylan? Presidency? :)
Pictures soon!

Blog hoppin'

2011-10-21T20:58:00.002-05:00

So, there's this blog hop...
and it's a pretty cool blog hop....
And if you were ever wondering
about the lives of people who love kids with Down syndrome,
this hop is for you.

I hope beyond hope that, if you're finding these blogs (not just mine, of course) because you've just received a diagnosis of Down syndrome, that we can help you see how wonderful, normal, exceptional, rewarding, challenging (sometimes in a good way), and awesome our lives are with our little people. And I hope you learn that-- you're going to be okay. And so is your little person.

So anyway... hop around! I know I intend to!

Dylan, In His Own Time

2011-10-20T15:03:00.006-05:00

{Adapted from Ruby In Her Own Time by Jonathan Emmett}

Once upon a time in a home in Oklahoma, there stayed two parents- a mommy parent and a daddy parent. They were patiently awaiting the arrival of their second son. "Will he ever come?" asked the daddy parent. "He will," said the mommy parent, "in his own time."

And he did.

"He's very small," said the mommy parent. "Will he ever grow?"
"He will," said the daddy parent. "In his own time."

And he did.

Well, this baby boy, he had a little something extra to him. And that little something extra made it harder for him to hit milestones that other babies hit. His parents worried and worried. His therapists doubted the parents were trying very hard to help him get stronger. Frustrated, his mommy and daddy cried out,
"Will he EVER even SIT UP?!"
"He will," said anybody who had been-there-done-that, "in his own time."
And guess what?

He did! By himself!

IN HIS OWN TIME.

Can I just show you...

2011-09-22T23:34:00.002-05:00

...little Michael's school picture?!! OH. MY. GOSH.

This is probably illegal, but I didn't scan it...just took a pic of it with my phone. So eh... come cuff me. Free health care in the jails. :)

yup, still alive

2011-09-19T19:29:00.003-05:00

...not that anybody reads.

I was without internet (other than my phone) for over a month, simply because my internet provider was being...what's the word... douche-y?

But all's well now.

Little Michael started preschool in August. He also turned 4 at the end of August. Preschool is... well, he's getting used to it. He had a hard time adjusting to not getting to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted at first. He had never been in ANY daycare situation before. He stayed with a babysitter for his first two years, then stayed home with me for 8 months, then stayed with his grandma last school year. He's never had to sit on a carpet, stand in a line, eat when someone said so (instead of when he wanted to), take a nap when someone said so (instead of when he felt ready for one)... he has been raised in a very much child-led home. (That's the parenting style that comes most naturally to me.) So, needless to say, sitting on a carpet, standing in a line, eating when someone told him to, napping when someone told him to... NOT playing with all these un-played-with toys sitting around... didn't go over well with him at first. He loves school, don't get me wrong... he just didn't understand why he didn't get to rule the roost. But he has conformed pretty well, and I'm only sometimes getting reports otherwise.

I'm getting used to the role of "parent" in that whole "parent/teacher" dynamic. It is much tougher than I realized, and it has taught me A LOT about communication with my parents.

Dylan Thomas is just the same ol' guy as always. He still is not doing anything new. Nobody seems to know why. Some people's opinions are that he's lazy (I don't think so... if he could get up and play with his brother, he so would, I think.) and some people opine that he's just "made like that." (Dr. S.) But none of that gets him any closer to sitting up, crawling, walking. Right now, he's sick. He has croup, laryngitis, and a raw spot on his nose (from wiping it so much, probably) that Dr. S is concerned about contracting MRSA. (She's very worried about MRSA. Any little booboo = MRSA breeding ground, in her eyes.) He can say "there dada"... or something pretty similar... while he's pointing at his daddy. He still won't say "mama".. when you ask him to, he'll sign it, then point at me, but he won't say it. He has learned to shake hands, and loves to dance (the best he can from his back). I talked to Dr. Solitario about his lumbar spine, because my mom said it looked strange, and she figured that if there was an abnormality, they would have found it when they did all the x-rays from when he was first born and had duodenal atresia. But I will probably insist he gets an x-ray, just to totally rule anything out there.

School is going well. I had 27 little first graders in my class for about 3.5 weeks, and other than nobody having any room to breathe, it actually was fine... they are good kids. But they finally got a 1st/2nd split teacher, and I lost 3 students to that. I'm excited about getting those kiddos reading.

I have not blogged in so long for a couple of reasons. One reason had to do with no internet on my computer (typing on my phone's not fun). The other had to do with not wanting to. I feel like I say the same things over and over again. I've never seen a blog of a baby almost 2 who still can't sit up. I've never felt so alone on this journey. Nobody really understands, or if they do, I don't feel like they do. I don't get many comments. So I wonder, why waste time? Will I continue blogging? I don't know. Maybe.

No pictures again... I haven't even touched my computer for a month, so I haven't uploaded any. But I have pics of little M's two birthday parties and just some everyday life pics on there.

How are you? :)

I am alive

2011-08-05T17:12:00.002-05:00

...just in case you were wondering. ;)

School's going to start pretty soon (as in, 2 weeks from today), so I've just been trying to soak in the home-with-my-babies-ness while I can.

We haven't done anything in particular... haven't gone anywhere (hubby's busiest season at work is the summer time). We've just been home (mostly inside, because if you haven't heard, it's hotter than Satan's hot tub out there!), enjoying each other.

I have gotten some things accomplished this summer-- 1. Dylan can hold his own bottle now. He can also say something that sounds very similar to "NICE TOUCHES" because he hears that 23049823049238 times a day. (Anybody else's kid claw their face off for no apparent reason? Because mine does.) 2. Little Michael is completely potty trained (but I cannot promise his teacher that he will NOT come out of the bathroom completely naked asking for assistance with wiping.) 3. I've kept us alive all summer. That wasn't easy. Do you realize that our grocery bill DOUBLES in the summer?? Suddenly, trying to feed 4 people breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks every day requires a second mortgage on your home or something.

In more boring news about us, we FINALLY dumped cable and switched to Dire.ct.v and A.t&t wireless internet. The dire.ct.v is already going... the internet will be up and running next week. Did you know that out of the month of July, my cable internet worked maybe TWO DAYS? Out of 31. I'm no mathematician... but that's not a very good working/not working ratio. And for that they were wanting about $50 a month (that doesn't include the actual cable tv service).

In children-are-getting-huge news, Dylan had his 18 month well-child checkup the other day. (Yes, I know he's 19 months old, but I wouldn't be ME if I were actually on time with one of these things.) He weighs 21 lbs 14 oz, and is 30 inches tall. My big guy. :) Little M went ahead and had his 4 year well-child check too, since we were there (although he couldn't get his pre-k booster shot because he's not quite 4 yet)... they checked his vision (20/10 vision!), he peepeed in a cup for the first time, and the doctor gave him FOUR SUCKERS. (She said, and I quote, "He's not going home with me, so I don't care." lol) He weighs 37.5 lbs and was 3 ft 5 inches tall.

SOOO, I'm going to start decorating my classroom next week. That'll be fun. Except I have no budget, so a lot of my stuff will be homemade, but who cares? They're first graders.... they'll love it! ;)

I made a picture thingie with several pictures of my guys to go in my classroom. Last year I didn't have ANY pictures of my kids hanging in my room at all. (We won't mention that it was because I had well over 2,000 pictures on my computer waiting to be printed. *whistles*) This year will be different. I also want to make a sign that says "The nearest thing to Heaven is a child." and some other cutesie things like that.

Anyway, yeah... another no-picture-post. Sorry. I know it's boring, but so is waiting for the pictures to upload on the computer... and so is not having internet access 94% of the time. Pictures one day. Promise. :)

Randomage

2011-07-07T20:33:00.006-05:00

Random conversations my 3-year-old has engaged me in recently:

1. "Mommy, we live on the Earth. We can't live on Mars. Maybe we can live on the moon. THEN we'd live in SPACE!"

2. "Hey Mommy? Can we go to Heaven and see Jesus? (me: What's in Heaven, do you know?) Toys... probably fireworks... and lots of Cars 2 toys."

3. *starts laughing out of nowhere* (Me: What's so funny?) "I just saw a man sitting on a TOILET. That's so gross!" (Note: we were sitting in the car in the Piz.za H.ut parking lot waiting for my husband to meet us for lunch when he said this. With no toilets in sight.)

****************

We had an awesome 4th of July weekend/day. We spent the 3rd with my husband's side of our family, swimming and eating lots of BBQ'd food! We spent the 4th on my side of our family, eating more BBQ'd food and being so close to a fireworks display that we had to tilt our head back to see them! It was fun and relaxing to be around our families.

***************

Dylan has had a really bad rash on his little bottom lately. I *think* it's from trying to switch him from older baby/toddler formula to regular milk, but I can't be sure. Whatever it was, it has blistered his bottom. I've tried all the tricks I know-- different kinds of butt pastes, Bur.t's Be.e's powder, Aquaphor, Neosporin (at one point it was actually bleeding.) Nothing but time and extra care is really helping that much. So I've been making sure to change him as often as I can, re-apply whatever ointment I'm using at the moment, and let his little booty breathe the air for a while.

***************

In other sicky news, a summer cold plagued our household for about a week, first taking out little M... then making its way to Dylan (he's still a bit coughy), then hitting my husband, and finally hitting me. I'm still sick, but the guys are much better. PS: Mommies should be exempt from the germ sharing. We have enough to do.

**************

In Dylan's-picking-some-stuff-up news, he learned to suck through a straw and hold his own bottle. He's also figuring out the sippy cup, although he's not a total fan yet. He will also sit on his own for at least a minute before he crashes to the ground! Sometimes longer. That's pretty big for us, considering he's the king of I'm Not Doing This when it comes to sitting. I'm trying to teach him how to sit up and/or pull up in his crib, just to give him something better to do when he's sitting in his crib NOT sleeping...lol... but he hasn't caught on quite yet.

He's also growing some of his back teeth right now. No fun. :( He's up to 7 teeth now.

***************

Little M is going to start preschool in August. Well, it's a daycare technically, but it's run just like preschool with curriculum and everything. (It's run by retired teachers.) They have a 3-year-old class and a 4-year-old class. He will be 4 on August 30th, and the cut-off birthdate for our public school to enroll your preschooler is September 1st... so if I put him in regular preschool right now (which I technically could), he'd be the very youngest in his class. Considering how he is just now really getting the hang of the potty business, and considering he has never been in daycare (he was with a babysitter for the first 2 years of his life, and he stayed with my mother-in-law this last school year), therefore he doesn't know how to line up, sit in a circle, or have the world NOT be all about him... we figured the 3-year-old class would be best for him. Now, this does not obligate me to NOT send him to Kindergarten the next year if I feel that's what's best for him... and it doesn't obligate me TO send him to K the next year. It pretty much frees me up to do whatever I feel is best. Which I like. Because I like being in charge. ;)

Anyway, back to his school. We went to tour the place a few days ago... little M was SO excited. He loved the play centers and the playground. He loved it so much that he didn't want to leave! Which prompted him to have a wall-eyed fit right in front of the director. *sigh*... well, you can't say my guy won't love school, at least! (And, it kinda confirmed to me that he really, REALLY needs another year to grow up before structured school.)

************
Picture time!
Dylan Thomas, after he tried a bite or two of chili-cheese fries!

James Michael, pausing for a quick photo-op.

James Michael, being a perfect little angel!

Dylan Thomas, getting tickled by his mommy.

List of stuff

2011-06-25T19:19:00.002-05:00

1. Why is it that when I finally sit down to write a list of stuff that's gone on in the last little bit, I always draw a flippin' blank?! I think this chair is like a blog-black-hole.

2. We had the developmental therapist and the physical therapist over the other day. Dylan showed off MAJORLY with all his fabulous skills (that he doesn't usually do, so he hides them from even ME til the time is right... thank GOD the time was right when the therapists were over!) He did lots of getting up on all fours, army crawling, rolling over to ALMOST a sit (and to a sit, with help), and the most important one... PULLING UP TO A STAND AT THE COUCH. THAT one? ALL by himself. We do this thing where we put the couch cushions all around him, blocking him in and putting nothing fun on his level. Then we put all the FUN stuff on the couch cushions towards the edges... DVDs, my cell phone (you know, the fun stuff?) toys, etc. So then he really has no choice but to pull up on the couch cushions, at least to his knees, to reach something fun to play with. The PT noticed that when we give him just freedom to do whatever he wants in his boring little square, he's still content to just lie there and do nothing much for a big chunk of the time... so she started infringing in his little boring square with pillows and such, taking away some of the "freedom" room. THAT's when he really got interested in the stuff on the couch (toys up there, too), and THAT's when he pulled to a stand to get something. ALL of us went eyes and mouth wide open on that one!!

3. Dylan's PT, FTW.

4. Has he done it since? Nope. lol

5. Yesterday, my mom and big sister (and her youngest child) came to L-town to visit. And by "visit," I mean they came to kick big M and me out of the house so they could bogart the boys. So big M and I got to go to lunch together, by ourselves, yesterday. Ah, eating without having to feed someone. :)

6. Then later in the evening, big M and I took little m and my niece to the movies to see Cars 2. This was little m's first theater movie experience. He was GREAT in the movies!! He only needed to go to the potty once, and then towards the very end of the movie he started getting kinda restless and got up to walk around (but just ended up in the next seat with his cousin). Other than that, he watched the movie, ate some popcorn, and drank his drink. He LOVED the movie!

7. Dylan stayed at the house with my mom and sister. Dylan is perfect, wonderful, awesome, and STUBBORN BEYOND BELIEF. For the most part, he still eats a lot of baby foods. I bought him some of this turkey-potatoes-something-or-other kind, and he didn't like it... but I had bought several jars of that kind. I didn't bother telling my mom and sister that he didn't like that kind, because.. well, I forgot. Anyway, when it was about dinner time, they tried feeding him that kind. When he gets pissed off while he's eating, he throws the food out of his mouth, and then bangs his head back and forth (if there's something behind him, he'll bang his head on it as hard as he can, too... geez, kid, relax!). Anyway, when he did that, he inhaled some of the food that was still in his mouth. My mom's pretty sure it went in his airway, because then he was wheezing. After a while he was kind of croupy-coughing. They were scared! (I would have been too!) Finally, he got it coughed up. But they were shaken after that! My sister was afraid to leave him when they went home, in fear of him getting choked up again in the middle of the night! (He didn't.. he's breathing fine now... wheeze/croupy sound free.) Scary stuff!

8. (PROBABLY A TMI ALERT...)Can you please, please, PLEASE give me your tips on how you convinced your (typical) child to poop in the potty? I know, most of you will say that you waited til he/she was ready. Little m is BEYOND ready. He has completely pee-trained himself, and almost NEVER has an accident where that is concerned. But he absolutely REFUSES to poop in the potty.... no, I take that back. He refuses to START his poop in the potty! He will have it hanging part of the way out and then tell me he needs to go poop in the potty... and then he'll let it fall out in the potty. But that almost always means a big poop place in the back of his underwear. And then he'll do that about 230492384093248 times a day. It's driving me crazy!! I would have liked to put him in, maybe, preschool or a K-3 program this next school year, but I just don't think I can with him not being poop trained!

9. $0.25 if you read this entire post. :)

Fathers Day

2011-06-19T23:55:00.003-05:00

My babies' daddy is pretty awesome. He's a good husband too. I'm happy to have blessed him with two beautiful little boys that enjoyed the heck out of lavishing their daddy with homemade cards and gifts picked out by little m today. We spent time together, we swam with family, we ate my sister-in-law's awesome cooking....we had a great day.

But my heart is hurting tonight...for those babies out there who don't have a daddy or a mommy. Specifically, babies born in other countries with special needs. See, in a lot of countries in eastern Europe and in Asia, when a baby is born with a birth defect of some kind, they automatically have no value in their society. They are left at the hospital or at an orphanage by birth parents who don't want them for whatever reason. Sometimes it's pressure from society. Sometimes it's shame that their baby isn't typical. Sometimes it's some other reason. But more often than not, they end up in an orphanage where they are merely kept alive (usually). Nobody shows them love or affection. Lots of them are severely underweight. They own nothing, these kids, and nobody takes care to make sure they are even wearing gender-specific clothes (there are pictures of boys wearing a dress of sorts...girls wearing boy clothes with their head shaved.)..or even clothes that remotely fit. These babies aren't tucked in with a bedtime story and a kiss. They are often left in cribs for the majority of the day. Most hit an age where they have to move out of the orphanage and into a mental institution...sometimes as young as 5 years old.

I'm not asking you for anything in this blog entry. Well, that's not entirely true... I'm going to ask you to see these babies for yourselves. Please visit this site: http//www.reecesrainbow.org and feel what I'm feeling tonight.

I'm going to send extra prayers of thanks and petition tonight.

Well, it finally happened.

2011-06-18T23:11:00.002-05:00

Picture it: today. The mall. The play area. We were finished doing some shopping, so I figured I would let little m play a while. I sat down with Dylan in my lap and watched my preschooler run and play. Soon after, a woman with 2 small kids and a baby came in the play area. As the two small children ran to play, the woman with the baby sat beside me. Without missing a beat, she asked me how old Dylan is. I told her. She told me he was beautiful. I told her her son was too. After a pause, she said, "my cousin has a daughter with Down syndrome too."

That was my first time that someone in the real world mentioned it.

She and I talked a while about the trials and blessings of raising children with special needs (turns out, 4 of her 5 children had a special need of some kind). One of her kids technically shouldn't be here because of congenital heart defects, and we talked about what a blessing it is that she's now two and going strong.

I wondered what I would feel after my "first time." I wondered if it would make me sad that my son's condition was obvious. I wondered if I would be happy that someone finally acknowledged him for who he is. I wondered if it would make me mad that someone intruded in my personal business.

Is it weird that my actual reaction was excitement? I was excited and relieved that the person to bring it up was a fellow SN mommy. I was excited that I had someone to chat about it with who had an idea of what I am going through. I was so excited that I wanted to call people and tell them that it had finally happened! But then I realized that they'd probably think I was crazy for getting so excited over such a thing, so I didn't.

Now, my next "milestone" I want to hit is to be the voice to a brand new Ds mommy, telling her that it's all going to be okay...and in fact, it's going to be exciting and wonderful.

Hey y'all.

2011-06-10T09:11:00.004-05:00

I have never participated in a "show us your life" from Kelly's korner before.....but if there's one thing I do well, it's raise my sweet Dylan!! Dylan is 17 months old. Dylan has Down syndrome. Dylan is amazing and stubborn and beautiful! Please feel free to read my blah-g and learn more about him, us, and his silly brother, little michael. :)

oh, and I make my posts from my phone using swype....so if there's some nonsensical word somewhere, it's swype's fault. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

Upon the burning of some friendships..

2011-06-05T00:24:00.003-05:00

Swyping again, so bear with me.

I was at a teacher workshop recently. And while I was there, I encountered a person who used to be my friend. You see, this person was kind and caring when D was born....until I realized that she was phishing for info so she could be the one "in the know" and people would come to her for info on my baby and me. Not because she cared about us at all. So, needless to say, I haven't spoken to her since. And then there she was at my workshop.

As riled up as it made me to see her, it also brought to the surface that I am still hurting over the loss of some friendships. If you would have told me a couple of years ago that I would lose some important friendships simply because I gave birth to a baby with special needs, I would have told you that you were crazy. But indeed, I have lost important friendships.

But I guess I need to revamp my definition of "important."

How about you? Did your friends stick by you through the thick and thin of all of this? Did you become better friends with acquaintences because they were the ones there to emotionally support you? Or did you lose people who apparently couldn't handle the emotional baggage that can accompany treading unknown waters of special needs? Did they blow you off completely, our did they prove they were in the friendship for all the wrong reasons? (I had both.)

On the upside, I know there are awesome, loving people out there that love my babies a much as they love me, and they don't even give the extra chromosome a second thought. They would bend over backwards for my family. And I meet more each day. A girl I met at that same workshop asked about my little boy, and the subject of Ds came up, she got a huge grin on her face and talked about how much she loves kids with Ds. (she was a special ed teacher.) I knew she was someone I could hang with!! Hehe.

To wrap up this whine fest, I will leave you with a few Michaelisms.

Me: what are you doing?
Little m (finding new humor in echoing things we say): what are you doing?
Me: I asked you first.
Him: I asked you first.
Me: are you copycatting me?
Him: are you puppycatting me?

(I guess that means I won?)

And then, while discussing why he should poop in the potty...

Me: the potty really wants to eat your poop because it's very hungry!!
Him: but a potty doesn't even HAVE a MOUTH.... And eating poop is dis-gus-ging!

(can't argue with that!)

Dun, dudududun, dudududun, dudududun...

2011-05-27T19:32:00.000-05:00

Schoooooooool's out for summer!!

Sooo looking forward to being home with my babies.

Then and Now

2011-05-26T10:26:00.010-05:00

Then and Now # 1-- My niece's graduation. My niece Courtney graduated from high school last week. I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. They vaselined a little bow in her hair, and there she was, all burrito'd in swaddle blankets and looking sleepy and confused. She was such an exciting addition to our family... I was only 13 years old when she was born, and I was SO excited to be an Aunt at 13. I took her to her first "theater" movie when she was 3 and I was 16 (the very thing I'd dreamt of doing since she was born.."one day when I can drive, I'm taking her to the movies!")... we saw The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and although the scary parts scared her, she hung in there. The entire family could be entertained for hours playing with her little natural ringlet curls in her hair, or listening to her silly sayings and stories. I remember when she started preschool, and she was excited because she thought her teacher would be just like Miss Honey on Matilda. She has always been so mature beyond her years... quick-witted, intelligent, and OF COURSE beautiful. I just don't know where the last 18 years have gone.... but there she was, walking across the stage in her white cap and gown, marking the beginning of her real life.

Then..

Now.

Then and Now # 2: My school year. When I took a medical leave of absence from school last school year, I was so excited to stay home. It was the perfect arrangement for us-- except for that whole money thing. You know, the "your mortgage company, car company, and medical folks want money and they don't care that you'd rather be home with your kids than pay them" thing?? Yeah. So since I felt Dylan was stable enough for me to return to work, I went to the school board and let them know I was ready to come back. I should have known something was off when the secretary I spoke to went into her boss's office and closed the door to talk about me. And I should have known something was off when I talked to the boss lady and she asked what grade I preferred to come back to. You see, they HAD to give me a position somewhere, but not necessarily the position I left. I should have known that my old principal was trying to get me out of my school, and that I would have to be transferred somewhere else. I don't know WHY it came as such a crushing blow to me, since I should have known these things were going on, but I didn't. And it did. I seriously felt so defeated. I already had to go back to work when I didn't want to, and now I had to meet a whole new faculty/staff, new principal, new kids, and *gulp* new grade. See, not only did they make me switch buildings, but they made me switch grades... to first grade. A grade I had never taught before. With my anxiety level through the roof, I put on a brave face and went to my new school to meet my new principal and see my new classroom.
Now? I survived the school year in first grade. I LOVE my new school and my principal... though sadly, my principal is being sent to a different school next year, so I won't get to work under her again! She doesn't realize it, but she was a huge blessing to me, repairing my crushed self-esteem after being forced out of my other school. She was so organized and structured..something I love in a leader. She made me realize how conditioned I was in my old school to believe that I was always wrong... This principal made me realize this, because she always made me feel like I was right!! And I didn't realize til she actually made me feel good about what I was doing that I had felt so anxious at my old school. My new principal made me feel important and needed from the day I walked in. And my coworkers are awesome too. They're cohesive and so family-like. I loved several of my old coworkers (still do!!), and I was scared I wouldn't be able to make friends like I had at my old school. But I made fast friends with my fellow first grade teachers and a few others. I'm happy to see them every day. And my students. Oh, my students and their growth this year!! Wow, I had never realized how HARD first grade teachers work!! The bulk of them came to me not reading, and now they can ALL read!! It's so amazing to see what they were doing at the beginning of the year, versus what they're doing now. Now, don't get me wrong-- I like the "big kid'ness" of 3rd grade better... but I have never taught so hard in my life as I have this year!! And I loved feeling successful. I may have a few more wrinkles and a few more gray hairs on my head, but I survived. Thank God.

Then and Now #3: My kids. Can you believe that Dylan is almost 17 months old, and little Michael will be 4 in August?! Weren't they BOTH just born??!

Then...

Now. Or, a month ago. When Dylan's face was still broken out. It's all better now, by the way. And do you know how hard it is to get a good picture of them together?? Very.

I feel like I'm finally entering adult-hood... about time, eh? Since I'm *coughs* in my 30s. With things evolving the way they are around me, I finally feel like I'll be one of the Wise Ones one day... one of the adults people go to when they need advice or help. What a weird transition it has been... but I am almost there. :)

Some people ruin everything.

2011-05-03T11:44:00.003-05:00

The title sounded a little bratty, eh? Well, maybe I'm in a bratty mood!! hehehee

But really. When I first added the "friend connect" or "follow" or whatever feature to my blog, I was so excited when I got a new follower. I would run to their blog, follow them back, and beam from ear to ear that someone actually cared what I was writing.

Now? I've gotten about 8 followers in the last couple of weeks, and what have I written in the last couple of weeks? Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

And those followers? Bots, probably. Or people pimping their buy-stuff-from-me, make-money-from-home, you-too-can-become-a-gazillionaire-in-2-seconds, need-a-lawyer?-going-into-foreclosure?-I've-got-info-for-you type of blogs. And? No thanks.

So, I loved seeing when I had new followers... and I love knowing you actually give a damn about what I've typed. But if you're not real? Go away.

And if you're real? Leave a comment to let me know you stopped by. But nothing hateful, or I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish. :)

Or not.

Just sentences that don't go together.

2011-04-17T22:28:00.003-05:00

First of all, I'm typing this on my phone. With my swype feature. Swype is super fun. The most fun part is all the awesome suggestions it gives me. Like when it suggested nicaragua for a word I swyped that was TOTALLY NOT THAT!

Second of all, I've been a tad depressed lately, feeling like such a failure as a mother because of Dylan's lack of progress in the motor skills department. It certainly didn't help that his developmental therapist suggested, in the nicest way she could muster, that perhaps he isn't progressing because I give in to him too easily. I'm not exactly sure what gave her that idea, since it's not exactly true, but it's what she implied. I have never felt so defeated, since what I read into that conversation was "it's your fault. You aren't working hard enough." (not what she said, just what I heard.)

So I discussed it with my mother-in-law. And she assured me that we (she keeps the boys during the day) are doing everything we can, and that D will come around in his own time. And I spoke with his pediatrician, who made me feel much better by reminding me that he IS only the size of a nine month old, and (like my MIL) that D will come around in his own time.

So I feel semi-better that I am not a total failure, but that leaves me in a weird spot-- where do we go from here? Dr. s suggested I ask for a new therapist. She also really wants me to sign him up for private physical therapy. My MIL suggested I stop therapy all together, since he isn't ready to comply. I think maybe I should give his therapist another chance, since I'm not convinced she meant to hurt my feelings. But perhaps meet her at the health department instead of my house so she doesn't get laid back, pushover vibes from me. What do you think?

To top it all off, D is having some health issues. He recently broke out with a rash of red bumps all over his face. When they refused to go away, I took him to Dr. S. At first glance she suspected eczema, but little m has severe eczema...has since he was just a few weeks old...and it doesn't look or feel anything like that. At closer inspection, she thought it was possibly a bacterial infection. In addition, he still has his ear infections. So he's on a super strong antibiotic, a higher level of hydrocortisone cream, and some other kind of cream.

But you see, I've become THAT mommy. The obsessive googler ((side note: swype just suggested hooker for googler.ha!) that looks up symptoms on the interwebz. And I found something that looks like what D has. It's called idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura. Or ITP. Fast forward to today. My coworker (who just had a baby, and that baby had blood sugar issues that landed him in the same NICU where D lived his first month of life) texted and asked for Dr. S's number and fax number. I have her number in my phone, but I didn't have her fax. So I started looking through all our NICU paperwork, hoping I wrote it down on something. Lo and behold, what did his NICU discharge papers say? That he had thrombocytopenia. And that it needed to be monitored by his primary care physician. Only nobody ever discussed it with me. Or explained it to me. I'm still not sure what it is.

Now I've got to discuss it with Dr. s.

Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, and swyping a big long blog entry isn't as fun as I thought it would be. So goodnight folks.

mish-mash

2011-03-31T23:35:00.002-05:00

1. So, I got a new phone. My old one was a really, really old Raz.r. And it had gotten to the point where it restarted itself every time I flipped it open. So now I have a Sam.sung Capti.vate. And it's pretty sweet... I guess. I don't know anything about phones. (Duh, I had a Raz.r for 3 years or more.)

2. D has his first official semi-words... I mean, other than dada, which he says A FLIPPIN' LOT. He says a noise that sounds like "hiiiii" when he's waving... and when he's eating, he goes "mmmm!" It. Is. Precious.

3. He also blows kisses now. Melt my heart, why don'tcha.

4. Speaking of that fancy phone, I have a video of him waving, blowing kisses, and doing pattycake on there... but I have NO CLUE how to put it on the computer. Next time I see someone who is techy, mayhaps they can help me.

5. The student teacher thing is going well.

6. Did y'all see that video of that teacher in Jackso.nville Flori.da throwing a pencil at a boy with Down syndrome's head? Do you KNOW how lucky she is that she's not my child's teacher? Or even that I'm not the teacher next door to her? SHE WOULD NOT HAVE HER OWN TEETH.

7. I'm super tired, but I think there was something else I wanted to mention. But, I can't think of it.

8. Oh yeah, D has a rash-of-sorts going on. It's more like red bumps on his tummy and face. Nowhere else on his body. They don't look like bug bites or chicken pox. Any Dr. Internetz out there?

9. I severely need a new computer chair. Or a laptop. Whichev.

10. My coworker's baby is due, like, seriously any minute now. Her long term sub is from England. She's going to do a tea party with the class on the day that Prince William and whats her face get married. Is that not darling?!

11. Speaking of that coworker, her upcoming bundle of joy's name is Cooper. But poor Cooper has no middle name, because his parents can't agree on one. Any suggestions? Their last name ends in an -ey, if that helps any...

12. Right foot's asleep. Time for the rest of my body to follow suit.

mini vacay, picture style

2011-03-24T00:02:00.007-05:00

...otherwise titled, looking at other people's vacation pictures is boring. But hereitisanyway.

Little M triple, nay, QUADRUPLE loved the science museum. SO much for him to touch and mess with, and he was ALLOWED TO DO THIS. Best place ever for a kid like him!

D was all... eh, whatev.

We all posed as astronauts on the way out. (Even the hubby, but he is camera shy and would not want his astronaut picture on the internetz.) Except little M, who was mad that we were leaving, and would only kick the astronauts.

The zoo was mega fun too... for most of us.

Again, D was like, eh... whatev.

No, really, he enjoyed it... especially the fish. HE LOVED the fish.

Audiology and a mini-vacay

2011-03-19T23:49:00.002-05:00

How'd you spend your Spring Break, Amy?
Well,

1)Therapy on Monday for D...
2)Short follow-up for M on Tuesday...
3)D's well-child appointment and bloodwork on Thursday...
4)Audiology on Friday!

Not to mention the cleaning and laundry in between.

SO we decided that Spring Break should not be used as Catch Up On Appointments completely, and we went on a mini, one-night-vacation. To Oklahoma City, the place we normally don't like because of being stuck up there for a month. But this visit was just for fun, so it was great. Ate at our favorite restaurants up there, went to the Science Museum and the Zoo... spent tons of quality time with my guys. Pictures sometime in the future.

But the real reason I'm typing my quietest (big M's sleeping head is within slapping distance and this keyboard is clackety) is because of D's audiology appointment.

Now, when this appointment was made (by the early intervention people), I didn't realize it would be with an actual audiologist. I figured it'd just be the same kind of hearing test he had in the hospital as a newborn, and at about 6 months old as a follow-up. But nope, actual appointment. Lots more detail. It started out with him asking me about the pregnancy and birth, the NICU stay and why he was in the NICU, etc. Then he asked me if I *thought* Dylan could hear. I said yes, I think he hears okay... I don't know that he always LISTENS, but I think he can hear!

Guess what? I was wrong. First he did a test on his ear drums to see if they were responding like they should to air being blown on them... tympanometry, I think it was called? Anyway, if his ear drums were responding like they should, his little line chart on the computer would have had a nice peak. But instead, it had a flat line at the bottom of the line chart. On both ears. Then he did another little test that tests the little hairs in the snaily part of the ear (you can tell that I'm PRACTICALLY a doctor with my professional terminology, yes? ;) ), and yeah... he failed that too. Then we went into a little room that had speakers all around the room. Basically, he was looking for Dylan to respond to whatever noise came out of whatever speaker. See, this part of the test is unreliable to me, because Dylan is a champion ignorer. He liked it when the lights flashed, and he responded well at first to the noises coming out of different areas... but after a while he was all, "mkay, over it." and refused to even try anymore. At that point, he kicked off his shoes and decided he wanted to lie down... and when I chose not to let him lie down, he was SO not happy with my decision making skills.

Anyway... the verdict is that he has two ear infections, fluid build-up behind his ear drums, and his left ear is a tad bit better than his right, but neither of them are working properly. He has another appointment with that audiologist in 4 weeks. Meanwhile, the audiologist told me only to get him on antibiotics for the ear infections if he becomes symptomatic-- cranky, fever, etc. So hopefully they go away by themselves.

At least I got to pet a goat and see the elephants.... how was YOUR spring break? (If you've had yours yet... Oklahoma is notorious for having spring break in what is technically still winter.)

Courtney's Recount

2011-03-17T23:24:00.005-05:00

My friend Courtney (if you look over to the right, her blog is City Love, and her kid is Ben, who just turned one, and he's adorable, so go look!!) commented on my last post, basically, that she needs pictures.

So here ya go, Courtney. And whoever else wants to see 'em.

Breathing treatment. Or, "choo choo whistle breaving treatment," as it was lovingly referred to by a certain 3-year-old.
There are no words for how much this kid loves train tracks. Trains, he can take or leave, but train TRACKS? His favorite things!
Doing important work at Daddy's shop.
Wearing Daddy's hat.
Popeye the Sailor Man!
Can you say ADORABLE?!
He's over it now.
Cutie pie in his bed.
Love, love, love this kid!

Precious boy eating birthday cake on Daddy's birthday!

Dear Amy,

2011-03-17T13:56:00.003-05:00

It is okay to wish your child would gain his health back when he's sick. It is. However, next time he is too sick to even play, PLEASE enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts.

Love,
One Frustrated Mama of a Three Year Old.

PS: Three year old for sale!! Reasonable price! ;)

He's all better now, little M. And he's making up for the few days he missed in double-time. D had his one year well-child today (we'll just ignore that he's actually 14 months old... *whistles*), and when Dr. S saw little M, she looked at me and said "oh yeah, he's definitely all better." He was A LOT to handle today at D's appointment and then D's bloodwork. (We just periodically take a looksy at his liver function, his WBC, and his thyroid function... the liver, because he had such a rough time with his direct bilirubin when he first came home from the hospital, and the rest because these are things that have a higher chance of going wrong because of Dylan's extra chromosome.) The ladies in the lab were so helpful keeping little M occupied while they poked my sweet little D. And only one of them gave me a "what kind of mother are you?!" look... so I guess that's somethin'! :)

Little M is at this stage where he argues, screams, defies, and yells.... and does NOT listen to his Mama one bit. Oh, he'll listen to Daddy. In fact, Daddy doesn't even have to SAY anything, and little M gets in line. But Mama could talk til she's blue in the face, spank, take things away, put the little turkey in the corner, etc... and it does nothing. *Sigh*... when does that Golden Age start again??

In other news, D is FINALLY "on the charts" for his height! (I'm talking about a typical child's growth chart... he's in about the 5th percentile, but he's on there, bygolly!) He's not on there for weight... in fact, he seems to be losing weight. But so far Dr. S isn't concerned about this. She's also not concerned about him not being able to sit up or do much motor-function-wise... she says "as much as he went through in the first part of his life, he gets a pass!" hehe

Speaking of that, I don't know if I mentioned that D got evaluated by a physical therapist. She's one of the best that I know... one of my former students had her as a PT the year I had him, and she was phenomenal with this child. So I was excited that she would be doing my son's PT eval. She says we're on the right track... we're doing all the right things. It's just up to D to do it now. She said we're still in the window of "normal for a child with Ds" on his motor skills, and she was very impressed with how motivated he is to get on all fours and rock. I was so glad to hear her say that he's not out of that "normal for Ds" window yet... sometimes it feels like we're making no progress at all. But if I step back and look at the big picture, he's actually come leaps and bounds.

Oh, one more thing... Dr. S put in a call to a parent of another child she sees who has Ds. The little girl is 9 or 10, and the mom "is a great advocate for her child." (Dr. S's words). She wants me to talk to her about how she got funding to do extra physical and speech therapy, aside from what the state provides. That parent is supposed to call me back whenever she can, and I'm excited to talk to someone who has "been there, done that" right here in my city.

PS: If you buy the 3-year-old, I will throw in one of our dogs for free! ;)

The Sick has come to visit us...

2011-03-10T21:43:00.002-06:00

Conversation I recently had with a coworker--

Me: Dylan has been sick... just really congested and sneezy and coughy and just feeling yucky. No fever though. Little M has had a fever, but no other symptoms.
Her: My son has been sick too. I'm sure we'll end up at OUR pediatricians' office. (Our kids go to the same ped office, although they see different doctors.)
Me: Me too. Probably not with my big one, though, just the little one.

Um, wrong.

Little M, who is notorious for NEVER getting sick beyond a runny nose, came down with a fever on Sunday night. He had no other symptoms at that time... a slight cough, maybe. But he felt okay and was still playing, even though his temp was nearly 101. I monitored him and gave him medicine if he started whining or acting sicker, but for the most part, I figured... he's feeling fine, he probably IS fine.

As the week progressed, the symptoms changed a bit. Still the fever, but more coughing, more sneezing, more watery eyes, WAY more whining/crying, etc. Still, we figured it was a cold, we treated the symptoms, and we continued on with our week.

Last night, I MAYBE got 2 hours of sleep. I was up with him for most of the night. He coughed and cried the night away. I had him lie down beside me, both on the couch and in bed at different points in the night, and it was like I had my own personal heat box lying beside me. This morning, we were pretty concerned about his fever, which at this point was at about 102.5. Five days was long enough for us to wait out a fever. We made an appointment with Dr. S.

To make a fairly long story (a little) shorter, they tested little M for the flu. It came back negative. Dr. S. noticed little M had an ear infection. Thank God my sons' doctor isn't one of those in-and-out types. She was concerned about his coughing and pretty surprised that the flu test came back negative. So she ordered a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. She did rule out pneumonia... but he did have bronchitis that she said, if left untreated much longer, would have turned into pneumonia. So she ordered him a couple of shots of something-or-other (even though little M specifically told the nurse he didn't need any shots this time... poor guy!), let us borrow a nebulizer and gave us some samples of what she referred to as the Dillards of breathing treatment medicines (alb.uterol is the Walmart, Xop.enex is the Dillards. She's somethin' else, this doctor. lol), and wrote a prescription for more Xop.enex and the kiddie liquid version of a z-pack. She also broke open a bottle of children's motrin to bring down his fever while we waited, and she gave him 3 "magic" lollipops because of his shots (and because of how pitiful he was. My poor, sweet, sick, lethargic little boy).

She also asked about how Dylan was doing, even though we didn't bring him. (Yeah, I still haven't brought him in for his 12 month well-child. I guess I should get on that.) She was sorry to see little M so sick, but she was kinda glad that it was him and not Dylan, since Dylan + breathing problems = potentially very, very bad. (Dylan IS still a bit coughy/sniffly, but he isn't running a temperature at all, and he acts like he feels just fine.)

Now, Dr. S. isn't always on my best of best sides. (Refer to the time she told me little M has a speech problem when he doesn't. Or all the times she's said Dylan is too fat. lol) But I can say something about this doctor, and I know this much is always true-- she truly cares about her patients. I really appreciate that about her. I'm glad we have her.

Now, to get that crazy boy of mine better so he can go back to being crazy again... this lethargic little M stuff is for the birds!

Stream o' consciousness

2011-02-28T11:40:00.003-06:00

1. I find it really annoying when people offer up suggestions and advice when they don't know anything about the subject. For instance, why would you give out birthing advice if you've never given birth yourself? Or why would you give out breastfeeding advice if you've never held a baby to your breast? Why would you give out nutrition advice if you're ...obviously not practicing what you preach? Oddly enough, I know someone who fits every single one of those scenarios. And that's annoying.

2. I've been doing Weig.ht Wat.chers online. I've lost 10 lbs so far. The deciding factor, for me, was when I got sick around Valentine's Day. Sick enough to go to the AM/PM clinic, which pretty much NEVER happens (if you know my history with not liking doctors). Their scale convinced me that something HAD to be done. Have I mentioned that I hate scales too? Doctors offices + their scales = double hate.

3. Counting the points has been pretty easy for me (on WW online).... except on weekends. Because nobody else in my house is dieting (nor do they need to). And everybody else in my house loves pizza on a Friday night, and fast food for lunch on Sundays. And so do I. And it's really hard for me to say no to my favorites.

4. I'm getting a student teacher next week. I'm nervous.

5. Number 4 goes back to number 1, in a way... if I feel like I am not 100% secure in teaching first grade, how can I teach someone else to?

6. Dylan still isn't sitting up. I want him evaluated by a physical therapist. I have to go to the health department to sign his new IFSP today after school, so I'm going to mention that.

7. He's got 3 teeth with another that's going to break through any day now. It's pretty precious.

8. Little M is just as funny/goofy/ornery/naughty as ever. He's still having a hard time with potty training...mainly pooping in the potty.

9. The other night at around bedtime, little M decided that he wanted to play with his new stickers. The conversation went like this:
Little M: I want my stickers!
Me: No, you aren't getting your stickers tonight. You can have them tomorrow.
Little M: (in his best J.G. Wentworth commercial voice): It's MY stickers, and I need them NOW!!

PS: He didn't get his stickers til the next day. But when he heard us laughing at his little funny, he said it again 230492830498 times and forgot about his demand anyway.

Love those kids of mine!

What a Wonderful World...part 2

2011-02-18T20:13:00.002-06:00

In June of last year, I made a blog post about a girl I went to school with named Meghan Patrizi Delobe.

Today, on Meghan's 30th birthday, she went to be with our Lord.

I know she has renewed her strength tonight. I know she is soaring on wings like eagles. I know she is running and not growing weary. I know she is walking without being faint. Those are the promises our God made to her, and I believe she is doing those things now.

She leaves behind a husband, a sweet baby boy Charlie, who will be 1 in a few days, and lots of loved ones, friends, and family.

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and He saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

shopping for toy cars with boys

2011-02-05T22:59:00.003-06:00

My husband and our oldest son share a love for little toy cars. My husband has been buying them for our son since before he even realized what they were...possibly before he was even born. My son has a collection of well over 300 little toy cars (Hot Wheels, Matchbox, etc).

Tonight, we were in Walmart, where we were supposed to only be picking up some buns for our dinner. But if you ever venture to Walmart with us, you'll know that each visit starts with the basket veering right, over to the toy section. Specifically, the (you guessed it) little toy cars.

I noticed something amazing tonight. Tonight, I noticed just how many Daddies bond with their little boys in the toy car aisle. There was a man with his son, a little older than little M, in his cart, ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the monster trucks. Another who walked his sweet little curly headed tot over and kneeled down, just as excited as the little boy was, over a remote control car. Another was a bigger boy and his dad, and even if the bigger boy reluctantly made his way down the toy-car-aisle, I know that inside he loved that his dad still wanted to bond over the little toy cars with him.

I almost felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. That it was man country, and I was an intruder. I know nothing about cars... nothing at all. The very best I can tell you is the car's color, and even THAT I don't pay that much attention to. So I stepped back... backed myself down the aisle and just watched the magic happening all around me. Boys with their daddies. In their own little world. Another woman and her daughter came down the aisle to use the price check scanner on that aisle, and you could tell that they felt the "Oh, I'm sorry for intruding on your property" feeling too. They quickly scanned their items for prices and split.

I love this for my little boys. I love that they have a daddy who loves them so much, and so desperately wants his boys to share his passion for cars with him. It's like my prayers have been answered ten-fold-- my kids have an awesome Daddy.

Even if he's just a kid himelf sometimes.

hellerrr

2011-02-01T13:38:00.002-06:00

I didn't mean to take a short blogging hiatus... it just happened. I haven't had anything else to say, nor have I had it in me to even create a sentence that makes sense lately, so I just have said nothing at all.

Dylan turned 13 months old on January 29th, and I still haven't taken him in for his 1-year well-child appointment. I guess I'll get on that soon.

That day, it was 75 degrees in our city, so we did A LOT of playing outside!

My husband had a birthday on January 30th, and he's the ripe ol' age of 32 now. We had cake and ice cream, and we went to Tex.as Road.house for dinner. It was much colder than 75 degrees on this day, which is pretty much because Oklahoma's weather has a mood imbalance.

Yesterday was coldish, but not really too terrible.

Today? February 1st? There is a skillion inches of snow on the ground, covering up a sheet of solid ice from freezing rains last night, the windchill is in the negatives, and I'm home from work. Also? Today's my birthday. I'm 31 now, so basically, my description over there >>> is lying.

Being off work and in my PJs all day = the best birthday present everrrrr.

I will post again when I have something more interesting to say... Dylan's the same.. not really hitting any new milestones. Still not sitting up, and I can't figure out why. He knows how, he just flat out won't. I've never read another Ds blog where the baby isn't sitting up still at 13 months, and I feel like there's something I'm doing wrong... and I just flat out am not going to be in a negative mood on my birthday. So we'll discuss this another time. :)

Meanwhile, who wants to make me a birthday pie? (I am not a huge fan of cake.)

Our Day At The Hospital

2011-01-15T23:59:00.006-06:00

...also known as, "Mommy, remember Okla-homba City? We took Dylan to the HOSpital. We rode the wallavators! Remember, Mommy??" ~Little M.

If you've been reading long, you know we've postponed Dylan's follow-up EGD (you know, follow-up from when he was SIX WEEKS OLD?!) for about as long as one can postpone something. So we finally buckled down a date and stuck to it-- January 13th. We had to be at the hospital at 7AM, and since we live an hour and a half away, we figured we could just make a mini-vacay out of it and stay in a hotel. I booked us a nice room in a nice hotel on priceline for super cheap. I got us two queen-sized beds. By the way, did you know that my little, who NEVER EVER wakes up in the night, apparently doesn't like sleeping in new places and woke up at midnight, and then again (and for good) at 4AM?? Did you know this same little could NOT have anything to eat or drink after midnight?? That was fun. And the bigger little is just as much a bedhog as ever. So I got about 3 hours of sleep. Interrupted, of course.

But I digress.

Dylan had his EGD on Thursday. First, they gave him the liquid whatever-it-is... I don't remember what they called it, but I DO remember Dylan literally CLIMBING me after drinking it down... I think it made him a tad anxious. And then a tad sleepy. Because when I got to carry him back to the procedure room, he was wobbly and super whiny.

They got his vein in his foot on the very first stick, which is not a common occurance for my little chunky monkey. I was thankful for that. Then they gave him a shot of Versed, which knocked him out within seconds. That's when they had me go wait in the waiting room for the doctor to come out... which he did, maybe 10 minutes later (D's little. Not much to scope. Procedure is super quick.) to tell me that D's scan was completely normal! The ulcer had long since healed, and everything looked great in there! It made me so happy to hear this, but so sad to know that we won't have to see Dr. Grunow anymore! We loved him. We have other doctors I wouldn't mind dumping, but Dr. G wasn't one of them! *sniffle*

Anyway, the part that scared me about the entire situation (before, during, and even a little after) was the anesthesia. They usually give their patients some Versed and Demerol... but they didn't have to give D the Demerol at all, since the Versed so thoroughly knocked the little booger out. Even before he got the Versed (and only had whatever they gave him orally), his O2 sats started going down, so they had to put him on oxygen. And after the procedure, when we got sent to the step-down recovery area, he didn't want to wake up.

He was in recovery for an hour and a half before he even started stirring to wake up. (I know this because we watched half of a Jerry Springer episode, and a whole Steve Wilkos episode. hehe)This was after being with the GI nurses for an additional 20ish minutes after the procedure. So a good 2 hours of not-wanting-to-wake-up'ness, all because of one sedative.

But he did, eventually, wake up. And slowly drank down his required ounce or two of pedialyte. (They also tried to get him to drink applejuice, but he didn't like it.)

Meanwhile, little M was a handful at the hospital. He's so easily excitable when he's in a new place, and getting on to him seems to fuel his fire sometimes, especially when other people are around to where he thinks we won't get on to him in front of them. But he did okay in Dylan's recovery room when the nurse went and found him a truck to play with...

...and a nurse eventually told us that there was a huge play room in the surgery recovery center where he could run and play... so big M took him in there for the last probably 45 minutes of recovery.

All in all, it wasn't as bad an experience as I expected it to be. I guess I overdramatize things in my head sometimes. Dylan is fine... he was playing by that afternoon. Both guys (and I) slept all the way home, so I'm sure big M enjoyed the peaceful drive! And we don't have anything else scheduled in OKC until December of this year. It feels like a chapter in our new normal has closed, and it's actually bittersweet. Great, because who WANTS their child to have to see a GI doctor?! Sad, because it's all we've known for the past year, and it's done now. Happy for that same reason. Bittersweet, indeed.

Being one

2011-01-03T21:44:00.006-06:00

..alternately titled: First Time I've Blogged All Year! *ba dum CHHH*
This little nugget of deliciousness had a tiny birthday party this past Saturday.

I got some new (cheap) cake-decorating nozzle thingies, and I figured I'd try them out on his smash cake. Guess what? Cake decoration + not having a creative bone in your body? = this mess. But hey. I tried.

This kid knew exactly what that smash cake was for!

So far, I think he digs being one!

My year

2010-12-31T00:00:00.000-06:00

January 2010.
~Rang in the New Year in the hospital recovering from my c-section. Started getting a fever, which turned into my incision site being opened back up (gross).

~Stayed at the Ronald McDonald House for 3 weeks. Three. Long. Weeks.

~ Brought my lovely baby home and reunited my family on January 26th.

~Had an ice storm that knocked out the power for a few hours overnight on the 29th.

February 2010.
~Celebrated my 30th birthday by being home with my two boys solo for the first time. Loved every minute of it.

~Took D to his pediatrician here in Lawton, who thought he looked very jaundiced still. She tested his blood and found out that it was his direct bilirubin that was high (very dangerous for the liver.)

~Got readmitted to Children's in OKC on February 13th.

~Lots of tests run, lots of blood drawn, lots of blood transfused, and Dylan was released at 10:30PM on February 19th.

March 2010.
~ D started March out with a cold and a nasty cough, which I was scared would get us put BACK into the hospital. He got over it with no problems, though, thank God.

~D got the Synagis shot, which insurance tried not to pay for. But I stabbed them with a fork and a knife. Okay, I didn't, but I did fill out friggin paperwork and they paid all but $20 of it. :)

~ Celebrated (?) our first World Down syndrome Day.

~ That dummy Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock! (I wouldn't have remembered that it happened in March if I weren't a bored-pants back then and BLOGGED ABOUT IT. Yeah.

~ Little M entertained me daily with his silly sayings and ever-expanding vocabulary. I guess I could pretty much put that on every month, though.

April 2010.
~Had a great Easter with my little family!

~Had some bouts with some minor depression as I realized that having a baby with special needs actually chases some of your dearest friends away. Luckily, it also brings you closer to people who used to just be acquaintences.

~D FINALLY smiled a true, reactive smile this month! Then he got blood drawn that same day. Poor sweetie!

May 2010.
~ More of the same... still realizing that some people suck at life.

~ Lots of tornadoes hit Oklahoma.

~Made a decision to stay at home (which later didn't work out).

June 2010.
~Celebrated being with my hubby for 9 years!

~Started realizing that surviving financially without me working was probably not going to happen.

~Blogged about Kim Kardashian making breastfeeding comments that didn't make me happy.

~Celebrated D's half-birthday!

July 2010.
~Had a lovely 4th of July with our beautiful family and my in-laws.

~Had some crazy shenanigans go down in my 'hood. Read here.

~Celebrated 5 years of wedded bliss on the 8th. :)

~Started noticing that the Horrible Threes were quickly taking over the Terrible Twos in the bigger boy.

~Watched a Corpse Flower bloom via webcam, which little M lovingly called the Stinky Fwower.

~Finally decided that I had to go back to work so we could live and, you know, eat and stuff.

August 2010.
~Little M got his very first haircut. He cried the entire time it was going on, and then demanded a sucker afterwards. haha

~Since I decided to go back to work, I got moved to a new school and to a new grade. I was scared and sad at the time.

~Had the first day of school from... well, you probably know.

~My precious little M turned 3 this month!

~I had to give up breastfeeding because my supply went WAY down when I started back to work. :( Breastfeeding/Pumping for 8 months was an accomplishment that I was super proud of, considering how hard it was to NOT have success the first time at all, and for D not to be a good sucker. I wish I could have made it longer.

September 2010.
~D's OT moved away, so he got a new one. We like them both.

~Found out my Papaw had cancer. He decided that he didn't want treatment and that he didn't want to die in a hospital, so my mom and her brothers took care of him at home.

~Papaw passed away September 30th.

October 2010.
~My sweet IRL friend Stacey's brother (and my darling jr. high English teacher's son)'s wife had a baby with HLHS. Here is Emma Janae's blog.

~The boys had an awesome time Trick-or-Treating this year! Dylan was the Tin Man, and little M was Super Why.

November 2010.
~Took D to an opthamologist, who said his eyes and optic nerves were great!

~Took both boys to the pediatrician, who said D was fat and little M needed speech therapy.

~Took little M to a speech pathologist (my friend Bonnie) who said that no, he did not need speech therapy.

~Had a great Thanksgiving with both sides of our family.

December 2010.
~Got frustrated with trying to pottytrain little M. (I could have pretty much written THAT on each month too.)

~Wrote a letter to our NICU, thanking them for taking good care of D and us while we were up there for a month.

~Had awesome Christmas celebrations at home (Santa spoiled the boys!), at Auntie Tina's house (The in-laws spoiled the boys!), and at Nana's house (my side spoiled the boys!) ALL IN ONE DAY. *whew*

~Dylan turned one and I cried.

~Had a wonderful new year's eve celebration with my family!!

Hope you had a great year too!! 2010 kicked 2009's hiney, for sure... don't forget to eat your blackeye peas for good luck in the year 2011! :) God bless you all, and thank you for reading my blog this year.

The post in which I cry while I type

2010-12-29T00:00:00.002-06:00

Dear Dylan,

Oh, my sweet, dear Dylan. Today, you are a year old. 365 days. 12 months. What can I say? You have changed us. It took 29 years to build me into me, and it took ONE year for you to change me completely.

I remember driving up to Oklahoma City the afternoon that you decided was your birthday. I remember touching my tummy and thinking, "this is it... you're coming to the outside. Life is going to be so much different now." You see, I loved you then... but I was a little scared of you. Scared of what you were NOT going to be able to do. Scared of what health problems you were going to have. Scared that other people wouldn't accept you. Oh, little baby boy. I don't say that with a happy heart-- I look at you now, and I think, "WHY was I scared of this perfect angel?" But I was. I didn't know what to expect.

Until 6:37PM, when you came out screaming. I didn't get to see you immediately, but Daddy did. He said "He's SO tiny! But he looks... I don't know, like a regular baby!" I know he couldn't find his wording, but I knew what he meant. He meant the same thing I was thinking... you looked like someone familiar to us. You looked like your big brother... you looked a little like Daddy... but you mostly looked like me. You had a perfect, c-section, never-been-in-the-birth-canal head. You had one small sprig of blond hair sticking up. Oh, you were so gorgeous. It was love at first sight... my tiny little 5-lb baby. I don't think I stopped smiling that night at all. And even though you were a couple of floors above me in the NICU, I felt good that you were so healthy looking and so BIG compared to the other babies (although 5 lbs is not big!)

Suddenly, who cared about Down syndrome anymore? Not us! You weren't Down syndrome, like we had been preparing ourselves for you to be. You were DYLAN. You were the whole, and Down syndrome just became a tiny sliver of you. I felt so silly for worrying for all of those months. We loved you immediately. We wanted you from the moment we found out you were coming. We got sidetracked down the scared path when we found out you were to have a chromosomal abnormality. We got back on track the moment you came in to this world. We haven't looked back since... well, maybe a peek or two, when we see other kids your age doing things you're not doing YET. But you will, my darling kid. You will. You're not that kid-- you're not Down syndrome-- you're Dylan.

And, Dylan, you are a special little boy!! People are blown away by how chill you are. Perfect strangers are drawn to your calm demeanor. Family members can't wait for their turn to hold you and experience you, because you just radiate beauty and wonder. You have the power to bury yourself deep into people's hearts-- you've done this all throughout this year! You are a joy. A joy, plain and simple.

Little man, you know what you want, and everybody knows that it's Dylan's Way or The Highway. :) If a new skill isn't your idea, you flat out won't do it, and in fact will get a bit upset if someone tries to MAKE you do it. But if it IS your idea? Look out, world!

This month, you've learned to clap by yourself! You wave hi and bye. You have a happy noise... I don't know how to type it out, but it's your "I'm happy and content" sound. You've added "Nana" and "papa" to your babble-list, but still no Mama! You eat so well, moving quickly through to stage 2 and 3 babyfoods. You are all over the place! You proved that you CAN sit up on your own IF you feel like it, which isn't very often at all. Your brother is your biggest fan and playmate. You can point out my nose (but not your own). You're going through a "hold me and never put me down" phase. You give kisses on cheeks... with tongue. haha. You're my handsome little wiggleworm, and I am just SO blessed. There's just no better word for it. Blessed.

You, at an hour or so old, December 29, 2009.

You, chillin' in your crib when you should have been napping, December 2010.

Happy birthday, my darling. Thank you for changing our world. May all of your years be as blessed as you've made this one for us.

What Tired Looks Like

2010-12-25T23:17:00.002-06:00

This is the very end of a 3-Christmases-Celebration Day. And yes, little M's head is covered. That's the only way he'll fall asleep. Strange, I know. :) And that's my mom snoozing away with them.

Merry Christmas, sweet blogger friends!

D's crazy hair and other randomage

2010-12-22T21:16:00.003-06:00

Can we talk about this boy's hair for a minute?

I just love my little man's Alfalfa sprig. That sprig of hair is all he was born with. Except back then it was blond, and it's getting darker and darker by the day. And longer and longer. There's no secret-- my children are not great hair-growers. It took little M FOREVER to finally start growing his locks, and he STILL has the old-man-receding-hairline thing going on in the front. Dylan is no different... although his is more of a tall-forehead than the old-man-receding-hairline. Except his alfalfa sprig. It stands tall and proud and lets the world know, HEY, I'm not a COMPLETE baldy!

I just love, love, love this kid.

I also love, love, love the other kid I have too... the one that sits in his carseat in the back seat and barks out driving orders... ya know, since I haven't been driving for *coughs a number* years. His main driving "advice" is "There's the red octagon!! Stop the car!! Mommy stop the car now!!" All the way down the street. On every.single.street. This also applies to stop lights... same command, just "light" where "octagon" is. *sigh*

I stayed up very late last night wrapping presents. Yep, I procrastinated til now. It's all done now, though. Anyway, Dylan slept in (til TEN IN THE MORNING... bless you, child!), so I thought I could possibly sleep in too. Oh, no... the big one? Up with the roosters. I still thought I could manage a little bit of extra snooze time... until he brought me my cell phone, saying "this thing is making too much noise." I saw that it was a missed call from big M, so I called him back... APPAAAARENTLY, someone I know, who shall remain nameless *little M* called his daddy on my cell phone. *sigh*... I'd let him call my entire address book if it meant getting a few extra minutes of sleep this morning, except little M's been listening to lots of the 9-1-1 commercials lately, and I'm CERTAIN that'll be his next crank call. I love how stinking smart he is, but it's gonna get us all in trouble one day!

We're super excited for Santa to come in three more sleeps. Little M and I are going to bake him some delicious cookies, make a... um... well, interesting gingerbread house (we've opted to just use graham crackers, so we'll see how we do. haha..). Of course, the little dudes have matching PJs, so that'll be darling. I hope I remember to take lots of pictures, but I shall not promise anything, since I'm notorious for forgetting to take pictures during the important stuff of my kids' lives. *sigh*

We really, really hope you all have a Merry Christmas! Christ our Savior is born! :)

A letter

2010-12-09T11:42:00.008-06:00

I took a lesson from my bloggy friend Jenny and wrote a thank-you letter to the NICU where Dylan lived his first month of life. You see, I didn't THINK the feelings would hit me. I've been pretty even-keeled when it comes to my feelings about Down syndrome... but one thing I have NOT been so easy-going about is those feelings I had while Dylan was in the hospital. It is absolutely petrifying to live life not knowing what the next day is going to bring. I am a total comfort-zone type of person, and when my comfort-zone is being challenged... well, how I react really depends on the situation. My husband and I handled it the best that we could. There were mornings that we both woke up crying because we didn't want to be in the Ronald McDonald House anymore. We didn't want to be without our 2-year-old. We didn't want to go out in the cold, eat out (or in a hospital cafeteria.. or in the RMH kitchen) anymore. We wanted our family back to normal so badly, and all we could do was cry. There were evenings when we were so drained from the entire experience, all we could do was bicker. There were days where exhaustion set in, and all we could do was laugh. It felt inappropriate, but we had to. We had to survive how we knew how.

Dylan had the very best care imaginable in the NICU. He had awesome nurses, top-notch doctors, and nearly everyone we encountered was nice. They made a crappy situation tolerable. I wanted to thank them in person-- big M was not ready for that. I totally understand... we DID go IN the hospital a few days ago (Dylan had an appointment up there in their physicians building... we wanted to check out their new construction, since we haven't seen it in a year. It looks awesome!), but we didn't go to the NICU floor. So we decided that mailing our letter would be best. It is on the way to them now. I gave them this blog address to look at pictures of Dylan if they wanted to (so hi to all the OUMC staff that might stop by! :) ).

I don't think there's any way I could say "thank you" enough. Our guy is healthy, happy, and wonderful, and it's because he had such an awesome start.

**I guess I could actually post the letter, since I have access to it now. Don't tell anybody I wrote the other post at work. I will deny it. *ahem*

To the Doctors, Nurses, and staff in the NICU:

“Long after people forget what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

My name is Amy C*********. My son was born December 29th, 2009, at OU Medical Center, Children’s Hospital. He has Down syndrome, and he was born with doudenal atresia. He lived his first month of life in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at your hospital.

This year has been a long one in some ways, dealing with Dylan’s diagnosis and getting his health stabilized. In other ways, the year has flown by. It seems like only yesterday, your doctors, nurses, and staff were like our family away from home.

I’m writing this letter to thank you. Thank you so much for the outstanding care our son received. Thank you for taking care of his needs and ours. My husband and I felt like our world was starting to crumble in on us, having to stay away from our home and our then-2-year-old for so long. You really took good care of us in that time, making us feel welcome to stay in our son’s room during the day and making us feel involved in his care.

Now, I know you probably don’t remember us. It is a sad fact that you get a ton of babies in your intensive care unit, and I can only imagine how many you’ve seen since you saw Dylan. You might remember my husband in all of his Texas Longhorns gear, but that’s a different story. :) But the point is– you don’t remember us, but we remember you. And we always will. We remember sweet Jessica. She was Dylan’s very first NICU nurse on his very first night outside of the womb. We remember Kristen, who was great with Dylan and helped me get situated with pumping in Dylan’s NICU room. We remember Nicole, who was one of our favorites, along with Mary, Tiffany, Jennifer, and Ann. We remember Blake and Jena, and how they played music to our boy. We remember some of his night NICU staff too, even if we can’t remember everybody’s names. :) We remember Bonnie, Janie (who had to put up with me bawling twice. Sorry about that! heh), and the other Nurse Practitioners. We remember Kris, the lactation consultant, and how well she got us set up to give our son the best start in life. We remember the young ones at the front desk and how sweet they were. We remember Dr. Sheldon, Dr. Dannaway, and Dr. Gottipati, and how much help they were to us when he had questions. We remember the Pediatric Surgery team and how wonderful they were too.

Thank you for knowing that, when parents are in the throes of NICU life, it is important to make them feel okay about their situation. Thank you for training your nurses and staff to be compassionate and to field questions they’ve answered a million times over like they don’t mind explaining it again. Thank you for the tiring work that you do. I can only imagine how often your heart must break up there, dealing with sick babies or worse.

Dylan thanks you too, as he’s a healthy, happy almost-1-year-old now. He has a little hair, no teeth, but lots of chunk-rolls (thanks again, Kris!). He is learning to hit his milestones at Dylan-pace. He is such a wonderful baby. And he’s here, healthy and beautiful and wonderful, in part because of you guys. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Amy, Michael, and Dylan C********

Adventures in Pottytraining

2010-12-04T08:35:00.003-06:00

See this kid? This kid is 3 years old. This kid, at 2 years, 11 months, potty trained himself. This same kid regressed completely back in to Pull-ups when I had to go back to work. This kid? Knows EVERYTHING there is to know about potty-training. Everything. He can feel when he needs to potty. If you ask him where he's supposed to go peepee and poopoo, he'll say "In the potty. Not in my underwear or Pull-ups!" If you ask him what he should say if he feels like he needs to peepee or poopoo, he'll say, "I'll say, Moooommmmyyyy, I need to go Pottttyyyyyy." If he is wearing underwear, and he pees and poops on them, he'll say "Uh oh, I guess *insert character here* is going to cry now." Yep. We've tried guilt trips. In fact, we've tried bribery, telling him all of the people he knows that go potty in the potty, letting him watch US go to the bathroom, etc.

Conclusion? I do believe I will be packing Pull-ups in my son's care package for college. *sigh*

We're open to suggestions. He WILL sit on the potty. He's not afraid. Like I said, he was potty trained before I went back to work. So, your suggestions? We've probably tried that. But let's hear 'em anyway! :)

11 months

2010-11-29T00:00:00.000-06:00

Dear Dylan,

I can't believe that in a mere month, you are going to be a year old. I just don't even know where all the time has gone. I can't believe that a year ago, I was anxiously awaiting your arrival. You were crowding my right side because that's where you loved to nestle. You didn't move much... rather, you were probably moving fine, but I had so much amniotic fluid that I couldn't feel you.
So, what are you up to these days?

~At your last doctor's appointment, you weighed 17 lbs and some ounces. I'm preeeetty sure you're going through a growth spurt right now, because you have been gobbling everything in sight, so you probably weigh more than that now!

~Oh yes, my friend, you have been eating like mad! You never showed interest in eating until this point, but now you want to taste EVERYTHING. This past weekend alone, you tasted a biscuit from Cracker Barrel and some shredded Monteray-Jack cheese. That is on top of regular ol' baby food!

~You're getting stronger every day, too. You're not sleeping as much, you're flip-flopping out of diaper changes... gone are the days of my content little munchkin sitting still for diaper and clothes changes!

~Speaking of which, you still wear 6-9 month clothes and size 3 diapers.

~You went to your first Festival of Lights this past Friday. You missed Christmas by a mere 4 days last year, (and then of course you were in the hospital for a month, so the Christmas lights were all gone by the time you got to see daylight.. or should I say nighttime) so this was something special for you! You were all bundled up, and we laughed and laughed at how you yelled at the lights in the park!

~You are still sweet and loveable, but the stubbornness shows itself quite often too. You still refuse to sit up unless it's your idea. And in fact, you've decided that tightening up your entire body and refusing to bend and yelling is the best way to NOT have to sit up!

~You're making more and more noises... but still no "mama." Although sometimes you will sign it. It's probably just an accident more than anything, but hey... I'll take it!

~We love you more each and every single day.

I don't write about Ds often.

2010-11-25T00:19:00.002-06:00

Maybe it's because I don't think about it very often. Oh, it has changed me. It has changed my entire family, in fact. We are more sensitive people now because of Down syndrome. But I don't think about it often.

I don't always "see" Down syndrome when I look at my son. I see myself (my lips, my chin...), I see my husband (his cheeks, especially)... I see my beautiful son. But I don't "see" Down syndrome often.

I realize it's there. Oh, I've realized that since the moment I found out at around 24 weeks gestation. It was a huge, scary monster to me back then. It was a curse to me. A "why me? Why US?" But it isn't anymore. I can see that my child is delayed, and I know that's all "part of it," but I'm not worried. Ds is just a tiny part of the whole. But I do realize it's there.

When I read other Ds blogs, there are times when I just can't relate to the feelings. And then there are times when I can. And there are times when I can't relate to what their children are going through. And then there are times when I can. And there are times when I can't relate because MY child isn't doing as well as theirs. And then there are times when I read a blog about a child that is the same as Dylan. Don't get me wrong... there are several Ds blogs that I read (when I have time to read blogs, that is) that I just adore. But I don't always relate.

Is this normal? Am I in some weird form of denial? Do I have to respond a certain way to our new normal? The answers are yes, no, and absolutely not, respectively.

I'm writing this down because I'm hoping that someone out there will feel the way I do and stop feeling badly about not feeling badly enough. Or stop feeling wrong about not worrying about Down syndrome all the time. I'm writing this because we ALL have our own journeys in this... we write them so we can vent and just in case anybody can relate. It's not a competition or a contest. It's our lives, and we live them the best way we know how. And the way I know how to live my life is just to live it. To deal with the feelings as they come, and to be okay with the fact that I am responding how I'm responding.

That is why I don't write about Ds often.

Dylan's boo boo face, FTW

2010-11-14T20:54:00.002-06:00

How can we EVER say no to this face?

Spoiler alert: We can't.

Dear Pediatrician,

2010-11-11T21:52:00.003-06:00

A letter to my sons' pediatrician:

Dear Dr.,

Remember when you said that little M had 4 months to clear up his speech or you would recommend testing/therapy for him?! You know, after you had known him for all of 5 minutes? (If even.) Yeah, well... I'm the type of mother that, when you plant that seed of doubt in me, I will worry and worry and worry about it til I'm a nervous wreck. Luckily for us, I happen to have a friend who is a speech pathologist. Her name's Bonnie. Or Dr. Bonnie, as I like to call her. Which is not a joke, since she does, in fact, have the title Dr. in front of her name. And she and I (and our friends Lori and Leilani) went out to eat last Sunday. And Bonnie sat beside my 3-year-old and talked to him. And about oh, 5 minutes into the conversation (that's about how long YOU gave him, right?), she looked at me and said, "oh, you have NOTHING to worry about. His speech is MORE than just FINE." The difference here, Dr.? Bonnie knows a thing or two about speech. Bonnie also knows my child. She also understands that 1) there's a baby in the house, so baby talk is frequently used, and he's a good imitator. 2) Little M's grandmother watches him during the day, and his grandmother is Korean. Little M doesn't know very many Korean words, but again, he's a good imitator. 3) Little M loves the sound of his own voice and loves to be the middle of the conversation, the center of attention, and hates to be left out. (Which is what *I* thought all along.)

I'm writing you this letter that you'll never see, unless you're stalking my blog somehow, because I really think you should, I don't know, get to know your patients better before scaring parents?? I'm nobody special... but I know people who are somebody special. Like Bonnie. Dr. Bonnie. Who made a good week or more of worry go away with a 5-minute speech assessment.

I will continue to use you as our pediatrician for now, because you're great with Dylan and his issues. But watch it.

Sincerely yours,

M and D's Mommy

PS: Thank you, Bonnie, for listening to little M talk... and talk, he does a lot of! Oh, and letting him pat your leg. lol

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A huge, sincere thank you to all the men and women who have proudly served our country. Thank you for the freedom to write this gripy letter I've written today. Thank you to my grandpa, the late John (Bud) Sweeney; my papaw, the late Monroe Mitchell; and my father-in-law, Mike Culbertson, for doing your part to keep us safe.

Because I don't ever want to forget...

2010-11-06T10:01:00.005-05:00

A few days ago we had to go grocery shopping. Shopping near the first of the month is always a blast, no? Anyway, I needed to get some new Band-aids, as the three-year-old 1) gets boo boos quite often, and 2) loves bandaids. So I figured I would let him pick out what kind he wanted. As we strolled down the aisle, we saw Cars (one of his favorite movies ever), Spiderman, Transformers... all these "boy" bandaids that I thought he would love. But my child had something different in mind.
This is what my child picked.

...and the first words out of his mouth when we got home were, "Where are the Dora bandaids??" He had a scratch on his chest that he wanted to cover up with a Dora bandaid.

Unfortunately, he seems to be a little allergic to the adhesive on the bandaids (gets that from dear-ol'-mom, as I'm allergic to several types of adhesive), so we might have to get a different brand in the future. But I don't mind that he picked Dora. Daddy peppered the shopping basket with some Hot Wheels cars, but he does that every time, so I don't think he was doing it to combat the Dora. The Dora bandaids' outlines are in pink, but nobody here cares. He's 3. And it's adorable that of all the things he could pick, that's what he wanted. :)

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In other news, it's my mom's birthday today.

This is my mom. (Gorgeous, yes?) She is probably THE best woman I know. She is so strong... no matter what she's going through, she comes out on top. She is a loving, caring person.. she was a devoted daughter to both of her parents, and was essentially the hospice nurse for both of them. I know it gave them both such comfort to be in the care of their only daughter, the best nurse ever, in their final days on Earth. How iron-clad you would have to be to be Nurse Daughter instead of getting to be Grieving Daughter in those days, but she did so with no complaint. My mom loves her children, her 9 grandchildren, and her daughter-and-sons-in-law with all her heart and soul. I could sit here for hours typing (one handed with a wiggly 10 month old in the other hand..hehe..) about all the sacrifices she made for us. She was a parent of 5 young children on her own. And I think we all turned out pretty awesome!

Happy birthday, my sweet, wonderful mom. You deserve all the riches in the world... but I hope a blog entry suffices. hehe. I love and respect you beyond measure.

Stats

2010-11-02T23:17:00.002-05:00

Today was long and eventful. Dylan and I started our morning bright and early with an 8AM appointment with opthamology. I pretty much asked to be referred to the opthamologist for Dylan because D's geneticist said he should have his eyes checked within the first year. So when the opthamologist started asking why I felt D needed to be there, it was all I could do to not say "Your guess is as good as mine, lady." Anyway, the opthamologist was very nice... she said that Dylan has a severe case of "cutie pie"... but other than that, his optic nerves look great. She said he's "just the right amount of far-sighted for his age." So no super cute glasses for the boy at this point, but that's okay! I'm feeling blessed that his eyes are great!

Daddy and little M joined us shortly after the opthamology appointment, because both boys had check-ups with the pediatrician. It should be known that little M had never seen this particular pediatrician before... and, in fact, he hadn't been to any pediatrician in over a year because he's just a super healthy kid. (Thank God for that). It should also be known that little M? LOVES LOVES LOVES to jibber-jabber. I think if you've read this blog any amount of time, you'll know that little M has always been a pretty good talker. He says zany, off-the-wall things every single day. Sure, sometimes he talks fast or mumbly and you can't understand every word he says every single time he says them, but most of the time you can understand him perfectly. Except when he's speaking Michaelese. My child has been a champion babbler since birth, practically, and it's a skill he has chosen not to completely give up yet. I suspect it's because he LOVES the sound of his own voice (and hates to be left out of conversation, but doesn't always have the "words" to join the conversation). SO, when Dr. S came in, little M decided that it would be a good time to babble at her. And so this doctor, not educated in the ways of little M, told me that she was giving him 4 months to clear up his speech because by now he should be talking more clearly than that. *sigh*... I just smiled and said "he can talk just fine. WHEN HE WANTS TO." In a little bit, he wasn't paying attention to her anymore, and he started talking about something that was going on out of the window... and using full sentences... and talking clearly. So then she was like "oh, so he CAN talk plainly when he wants to." Yup, lady. (PS: I would have refused any testing or intervention for him anyway. *I* know he can talk just fine.)

Oh, and guess who's "chunky" and we need to make sure he doesn't "get so fat"? Welcome to the world of Dr. S. *sigh* lol

I still like her though. She's an acquired taste, for sure, but I do like her. Plus she thinks Dylan is our miracle baby... and she's right about that. :)

So anywho, on to their stats: Little M weighs 35 lbs (75th percentile) and is 3 ft 2 inches (49th percentile). Dylan is 17 lbs 3 oz (50th percentile on the Ds scale, less than 3rd percentile on the regular scale), and 26.5 inches (25th percentile on the Ds scale, less than 3rd percentile on the regular scale). So apparently I grow 'em short and stubby. :)

Apparently little M's old pediatrician's office let little M get 2 shots behind on his immunizations. So he got the 2 shots today. He did pretty good for someone who doesn't even remember the last time he had to have shots. He only cried for a short moment... just until she put the bandaids on his legs. Because bandaids? His FAVORITE THINGS EVER. Oh, and he had the flu-mist or whatever it is. The up-his-nose one. Dylan only had his first round of flu shot. Lucky ducky!

(Stop right here: Yes, I choose to immunize my children. No, I don't care if you don't immunize yours. To each his/her own. Nope, we're not gonna debate about it. If you're parenting your children the best way you know how, you're doing it right. Thanks!)

Oh, and today I voted. I hope you did too. Because if you didn't, you can't complain. :)

To make up for the pictureless post...

2010-10-30T22:18:00.003-05:00

10 months... 20 minutes late.

2010-10-30T00:20:00.003-05:00

My guy turned 10 months old ~~today~~ yesterday. I don't even have an updated picture to put on this post.. but I've had a monthly post for him nearly every month since he's been here, so why stop now?

You are still in 6/9 month clothes and size 3 diapers.

We don't know how much you weigh... even though you're 10 months old now, your "9 month" well-baby visit is on November 2. That's your mommy for ya!

You also have opthamology coming up the same day. I'm anxious to hear about your eyes!

You just started jumping in your jumparoo. By "jumping," I mean more small bouncing, but it's progress! You seem to be gaining more and more energy every single day!

I'm anxious to find out if your iron levels have come back up since your last bloodwork. Since your last bloodwork, you've switched from breastmilk to formula (fortified with iron), and you've been on iron supplements (when I remember to give them to you. Sorry. Your mommy is quite forgetful when she's busy juggling 230498 balls in the air during the day. Please forgive me!)

You have a bit of a cold, which I always hate. I'm hoping you get through it with no problems. So far you've had such good health, minus a little cold here and there. I'd hate to break our streak, so let's just leave it at this little sniffles and small cough, k? :)

You have been making your big brother laugh SO MUCH lately!! You like to clap your feet like they're hands, and that makes M laugh hysterically every single time! I think you love to make your brother laugh... I think the sound of it fuels you to clap your feet more and more! I love watching you two play together.

Ten months, Dylan. Ten whole months since I gave birth to you. Ten months since I waited (im)patiently for the feeling to come back in my legs so I could go up to the NICU and get a good look at your sweet little features. Ten months since I fell so deeply, madly in love with my second son... a love I didn't know I could have for anybody on this planet (other than your brother).. a love I didn't know I had room for, since I love your brother that much too. Ten months since you changed our lives forevermore. Ten months since we saw your sweet little sprig of blond hair.

Thank you for making my heart more full than I realized it could be.

Just Because

2010-10-21T09:54:00.002-05:00

Just because I think they're beautiful and funny and wonderful and amazing.

hodgepodge and stuff

2010-10-13T21:37:00.005-05:00

There's an OBGYN that is stalking my facebook page.

Well, okay... it's really an advertisement for her fan page (or whatever they're called these days). It shows up every.single.day. on my facebook home page. She's an OBGYN in Duncan, OK... a good 30 miles away. People seem to really like her, and she looks like a nice lady. BUT-- I've never met her before in my life, and still she haunts my FB. I dunno... For me, it's a little, um.. different.. for an OBGYN to have a fan page. I mean, I liked all of my doctors (except one) with both of my boys... but considering I still get all little-kid-who-sees-her-teacher-at-the-store-and-gets-super-shy-and-embarrassed when I see my doctors in public who have seen my nether-regions, I just don't know that I could comfortably socialize, online or otherwise, with one. Maybe my newer doctor. She's pretty awesome.

But anywho.

*********************
The Dylanator had his therapy today. (sidenote: I don't know if it's "occupational therapy" anymore... Kelli [his previous provider] was an occupational therapist. This lady's title is something different... so I guess I'll just call it Therapy Until Proven Otherwise. Or ThUPO. :) Kidding. I'll just call it therapy.) ANYWAY.. today's therapy session went AWESOME. Dylan was not nearly as stubborn as he usually is. He sat propped with her, picked things up, showed off his newfound love for toys, showed off his newfound love for grabbing Puffs out of my hand and trying to get them into his mouth, ANDDDD... Miss Cheryl (the new provider) got him up on all fours for quite a while!!! I was amazed and how well he did and how much he tolerated. I think he could have made it a few more minutes too (he usually pegs out at about 30 minutes), but little M was being rowdy and making TONS of noise, and D got overstimulated. But still, it was a really great session.

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Baby Emma (from my previous post) had the first in her series of surgeries on Monday. She did swimmingly and came through like a champ. Praise God for that!

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School is... well, it is. I'm getting more acquainted with the primary way of thinking, although it's quite the adjustment for me. I still feel like I'm an intermediate teacher at heart, but I value new experiences. I know there's a reason I am where I am this year.... noooowwww to figure out what that reason is. hehe. I kid.

kinda.

The school itself is good, though. I like my coworkers, and the principal is awesome.

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RANDOM THINGS LITTLE M HAS SAID IN CONVERSATION RECENTLY:

Crescent.

Periscope.

Disgus-ging. (disgusting)

CONVO HE HAD WITH HIS DAD

Dad: What color is the sky?

M: Yellow.

Dad: No, the sky is blue.

M: No, it's YELLOW. You calm down. It's still YELLOW.

*****************

That's pretty much all I know at this point. :)

A prayer request

2010-10-03T11:07:00.002-05:00

For someone who thought about quitting blogging, I sure have had a lot to say this week. heh... well, they've been important things (to me, anyway), so I guess that's a-okay.

I do have a request. You see, my Junior High English teacher's son and his wife are expecting a sweet new addition to their family tomorrow (Monday). Her name is Emma Janae. Little Emma has been diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), and will require several procedures and surgeries after she's born. Here is Emma's mommy and daddy's blog. If you're the praying type, could you please lift this sweet little family in prayer? They seem to be very strong in their beliefs and very organized with what they're doing the day of Emma's birth (tomorrow), and that's really great... but we NICU mommies know that it's much scarier when you're actually IN the throes of NICU life than when you're just planning for it.

If you're NOT the praying type, happy, positive thoughts would definitely help them out a lot too.

And, Papaw's funeral is tomorrow as well. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as we say goodbye to one of the world's greatest men.

My papaw, part two.

2010-10-01T21:28:00.003-05:00

My sweet papaw passed away Thursday, September 30th. I know he is dancing with the angels tonight.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31

9 months

2010-09-29T00:12:00.002-05:00

***We interrupt this possible-blogging-hiatus to bring you my sweet little angel-man's 9 month update!***

Dear Dylan,

Today you are 9 months old. Good heavens, son! Time just will NOT slow down for anything! What have you been up to this month?

~You are wearing 6-9 month clothes and size 3 diapers.

~Not sure on your weight/height because you haven't been back to the doctor yet (loving this stretch of no-doctor-ness). You were supposed to have an EGD done twice this month, and both times it got postponed (once by me, once by them). Supposedly you're supposed to have it next month now, but insurance is playing a fun game called "let's don't pay for anything because we think Dylan had insurance before this insurance, even though he really didn't," so we will probably have to postpone again until that's all taken care of.

~You're still working on the prop-sitting, which you're totally not a fan of. Your new OT also has you picking up toys from the ground and bringing them up, which is new for you (unless YOU feel like doing it, of course)!

~You've acquired the loudest, fakest cry ever, which you employed the ENTIRE time the new OT was at our house last time. It wasn't pretty.

~You still do tons of babbling, but still no "mama"... every time I ask you if you can say "mama," you give me the most ornery grin you can muster, like "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Ain't happenin'."

~Grandma is determined to teach you Korean words, which I think is awesome.

~You still love going to visit your grandma every day, and she loves it when you and brother show up!

~Speaking of brother, you just love him... you love to watch him... but you're slowly but surely starting to figure out that if you fuss while brother's around, brother tends to get in trouble. I have a feeling you're going to be a turkey! A lovable, huggable, kissable, ORNERY turkey!!

~You (and brother, of course) continue to be the love of our lives.

And now, goodnight....

2010-09-27T00:15:00.002-05:00

I'm toying with the idea of not blogging anymore. I've blogged for many, many years. It all started on blurty in 2002. My sister and her friends had blurty accounts, and I somehow got talked into the blogging world. Then I switched to livejournal. Then xanga. And now here. I've always enjoyed getting my thoughts out via a blog, but it has never been a way for me to completely express myself. I try not to, but I somehow always manage to write like someone's going to read it instead of just writing what's in my head the way I'm thinking it.

The road I walk now is very different than the road I started out on when this blog was born... and worlds away from the path I was taking back in the blurty/livejournal/xanga days. I'm older. I'm wiser. Mostly just older, but whatev. I don't have time to update all the time, and even though I do not (and never will) get money from my blog, I still somehow feel obligated to update it every once in a while. When something becomes an obligation and not a "want to," that's not good, right?

Bottom line? I love my life. I do. I love my children. And I want people to enjoy reading about my life and children if I choose to write about them... but I hate the feeling of writing FOR whoever's out there and craving their response to what I write... and what's more, being disappointed when people DON'T respond.

So... should I stop blogging? Should I just turn off comments? What are YOUR thoughts on the matter? (And this is NOT a plea for attention... I'm 30 years old.. pleas for attention are SO back-when-I-was-21. heh)

Dear Dylan,

2010-09-22T11:40:00.003-05:00

You know that new fake-cry-scream thing you've acquired? Yeah. Stop that. Super annoying.

But hey, it's pretty awesome that you already respond to "no-no!"

Loves and kisses,

Your mommy.

My papaw

2010-09-16T23:04:00.002-05:00

This is my Papaw. And a very teensy little M. My papaw is one of THE best men on the planet. I double dog dare you to challenge me on that fact. He's quiet, reserved, but secretly hilarious and fully equipped with one-liners and zingers that you wouldn't expect to come out of him. He's strong, kind, generous, and loving. People love my papaw after being around him for only a short while... not because he's outgoing, because he's not. It's because he has one of those souls that radiates goodness.

My papaw has leukemia.

My papaw, his doctors, and my mom (and her brothers) have come to the decision not to move on with treatment.

My papaw is dying.

Dear Papaw,

I'm coming to visit you in the next week. Please hold on. I want you to hold my babies one more time (Dylan for the first time, actually). I want your good-soul-radiation to get on them. I want them to be just like you. The world needs lots of men just like you. I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know that my distance has never been because of something YOU did. I hope you know you still owe me for the tolls to get to your house. (Inside joke!)
I love you. That phrase doesn't seem adequate enough. I want you to be happy in Heaven with my Mamaw (I know she's anxiously awaiting you!), but I'm so, so very sad for me. Just hold on for me. Please?
Love,
Your Granddaughter.

Letting the consciousness stream. Or.. something.

2010-09-10T22:30:00.002-05:00

This has been a long week, even though technically it was a short week. First grade is wearing me down. I feel like a floppy fish out of water. I'm trying, though, and I think I'll get used to it.

Dylan was supposed to have an EGD done on Thursday, but I postponed it til toward the end of the month. Dylan has a bit of a cold right now, and with his nose being so stuffy and/or runny in the mornings especially, I didn't feel good about him being sedated. The thought of it was very unsettling. Hopefully he'll be good to go by the 23rd, which is the new date.

Dylan also had his last appointment with his current OT. Her husband is in the military, and he's being stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. They're slated to move next week. We are sad to see her go. But we met the new lady that will be coming over, and she's really nice. She's a former high school special ed teacher.

They (his now former-OT and his new one) were impressed with Dylan's new-found prop-sitting skill. I'm excited to see where he goes and what he does next.

The big boy is doing well. He's ornery and naughty at times (most of the time), but he's still sweet(when he's sleeping). Today he was in Dylan's room, and he somehow managed to pull Dylan's dresser completely over. I've praised God about a trillion times that Michael wasn't hurt at all, and that Dylan was napping in his swing in the living room....because about 30 minutes earlier, Dylan was in the room with Michael, lying on the floor playing while they both watched Elmo on DVD. I'm so thankful that neither of them were hurt, but it shook Michael up pretty badly. He came out screaming and shaking... I held him, hugged him, gave him big kisses on his tear-stained cheeks, and asked him if he was okay. He said "Yes, I'm okay, but the DRESSER FELL DOWNNNNNN." I see that, sweetie. hehe

I'm glad it's the weekend, but I have a lot to do. I think my house is about to explode with dirty laundry. It would be pretty embarrassing to see my undies and big M's socks flying through the neighborhood because our laundry room exploded. Tomorrow is our niece's birthday (party... her actual birthday is Sunday), and she'll be 5. I can't believe she's already 5. That was THE fastest 5 years ever. Happy birthday, Tori!

It's way past my bedtime right now. Goodnight, friends.

Dear son

2010-08-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Today you are three years old. I cannot believe I've been on this journey with you for this long.... but it seems like you've been a part of my life forever. Either that, or I just don't remember (or care to remember) what life was like before you.

You are so very funny. You say hilarious, random things every single day. You amaze us with your sense of humor. You are also very head-strong, expressive, and dramatic. When your daddy and I are disciplining you, one of us is usually behind the scenes laughing our guts out at your reaction or response... it's so hard to be mad at you!

And oh, how you love your little brother. When we first brought him home after the month away from you, you didn't want anything at all to do with him... and you didn't want ME to have anything to do with him, either. It took a while, but you learned to adore him. You are so helpful.. you'll bring him a toy when he cries.. pat his head or hand to cheer him up... you worry about him when he doesn't seem happy. You come with me each night to put him in bed, and the way you whisper "Goodnight, Brother. I love you!" melts my heart so much, it's bringing tears to my eyes just typing about it.

Sure, we could live without the talking back, the meltdowns, and the testing-your-boundaries defiance. But we know these days will be gone soon, and we'll actually look back on them and long for them. I know one day, when I'm sitting in a stuffy auditorium watching you walk across the stage with your diploma, I'll wish I had my wiggly 3-year-old back, big brown eyes shining and so much love in his little heart.

You came in this world like a tornado, and you haven't stopped spinning since. Thank God for your strong will and strong spirit... I know it will take you far in life, even if it tests our patience daily.

Little boy, I am so excited to watch you grow up and see what you'll become. My dream for you is that you are a happy, well-adjusted, well-liked man one day. I hope you love God and love your wife and your children, and that you follow a career path that you love. I hope one day you look back and you remember how much your Mommy and Daddy loved you as a little ornery boy. Most of all, I hope you will watch over your little brother long after your Daddy and I are gone... and I know you will, because your love for him is endless and boundless.

Thank you, sweet boy, for making me a Mommy and your father a Daddy. We don't even want to imagine life without you. I praise God for always knowing what He's doing, and for sending you to us. You've forever changed our lives, just by existing.

Happy birthday, you beautiful little brown-eyed boy.

Time has sure flown.

Eight months!

2010-08-29T16:59:00.003-05:00

Dear Dylan,

Wow! Can you believe that you are 8 months old today?! I can't! Daddy and I feel so blessed to get to hang out with you every day. You definitely have us (including big brother) wrapped around your little finger!

What have you been up to?

~Well, there's this:

Yep... you're working on it! You can stay up for a good 5-7 seconds before you tumble sideways! It's a start!

~This month you've started staying with your grandma during the day. You fussed when I left for the first couple of days, but now you're doing great! You love spending time with your grandma, and she loves spending time with you! She reports that you are really wanting to crawl... we've seen that too! You get in the crawling position (except the arms), and we can tell you want to take off. Just gotta get those arms stronger!

~At your last appointment with the gastroenterologist, you weighed an even 15 lbs. We think you've grown since then, and that was only about 2 weeks ago!

~Unfortunately, starting today, Mommy is giving up breastfeeding. :( You never have gotten the complete hang of it, which was fine when Mommy was home with you... I could pump all day at any time of the day I wanted to. Now that I'm working, I'm not pumping as much, my supply is going way down fast (yes, even with Fenugreek), and I'm becoming very frustrated with the whole thing. We've been giving you formula here and there to make sure it doesn't upset your tummy... so far, so good. You're responding really well to it (unlike your big brother, who was allergic to the first 2340293482098 kinds we tried). I'm disappointed that things are going this way, but I'm also super proud. I'm proud that I made it to 8 months. I gave up with big brother after just a couple of weeks. I'm proud that I kept pumping when you never got the hang of breastfeeding completely for all these months. I'm proud that I sustained your life on nothing but my milk for 8 whole months (we tried solids for a while... you never acted interested... we'll pick it up again now that you're a bit older)... that I gave you chunky rolls all over your body... that I gave you a good start in life. I'm proud of us for going through all we've been through.

~You are a babbling machine these days! "Dada" is definitely your babble of choice. You've been experimenting with the volume of your voice a lot, lately. You can get pretty loud, there, mister!

~You've also picked up the art that is fake crying! Anytime someone leaves the room, you fake cry. As soon as they walk back in, you stop and smile! Like I said, you've got us ALL wrapped around your little finger!

Whoa.

2010-08-21T14:50:00.002-05:00

Friday was our first day of school.
My first day of teaching first grade.
And if first impressions mean anything whatsoever,
I think that some people were meant to teach such little people.
And some people were meant to put the fear of God in 3rd graders (or older).
I, my friends, am the latter.

I don't want to dread going to work, so I'm praying that Friday was as bad as it's going to get, and Monday will feel more structured and less...... tearsy?

Little M's new haircut, and my week.

2010-08-14T16:32:00.009-05:00

So, our oldest dude took his dear, sweet time growing out his hair. We were afraid he would be hairless until college. But, of course, he started growing hair about 6-8 months ago, and grew the cutest, wildest, mad-scientist-lookin'-est hair you've ever seen.

I often referred to him as my Little Barometer, because his hair would be wild and crazy on hot, dry days... and super curly on humid days. One look at his head would tell us what the weather was like! :)
Humid:

Dry:

We've known for the past few months that he has needed a haircut. Now that his grandma is watching him every day, she threatens every day to cut it herself. So we knew it was time, before Grandma grabbed the scissors. hehe

He was actually pretty excited about getting a haircut at first... before he was actually IN the chair.

And then? He was not so very cool with the idea of a haircut anymore. The crocodile tears started flowing.

He used the cape as his personal tissue.

But... after all was said and done, he is the proud new owner of a Big Boy Haircut!

**************************

All week long, I've been up at my new school. Oh, did I mention I got moved to a different school? I knew that it was a possibility that I would, since I was coming back from medical leave and all. The story in and of itself is one that kind of makes me mad, but we'll suffice it to say that I'm at a new school (school starts Friday the 20th), and so far I'm liking it. I inherited a classroom that was a teacher's room for 30 years. And, well, there was 30 years worth of "stuff" in it. My friend Lori came on Monday of this last week, and thank GOD she did! I got there and nearly curled into a ball in the corner. Not only am I teaching a grade I'm unfamiliar with (first grade), but I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of all the stuff that was left in that room! She was so helpful in organizing all the manipulatives, center activities, leveled readers, and books. That was so much help, you have no idea. The rest of the days I was on my own, and there was tons of cleaning, filing, organizing, etc. Finally, after all of that, my room is decorated and ready. All I need now are the names of my students so I can fill out their desk tags and name tags. Oh, and a plan on what the heck I'm supposed to be teaching in first grade. There's that.

So, pictures of my new room in the next few days. I won't be back up there until Tuesday, since Dylan has OT Monday morning, and a GI appointment in OKC later in the day.

Bonus pic of Dylan waiting for his Daddy and brother's turn in the barber chair. (Oh, he says "DADA" now! His first word! <3)

Parenting 101

2010-08-07T12:22:00.003-05:00

You know what? I'm getting tired of seeing the things I'm seeing online. I see these "mommy bloggers" that people are actually idolizing like they have all the answers. Sure, they're entertaining to read, and some have some neat ways of engaging you in their little lives, but some are just taking it a little too far. Same with websites and forums dedicated to a certain parenting style. I see mothers saying almost verbatim that if you don't feed your children the crunchy foods they feed their kids, or wear your baby like they wear theirs... or breastfeed your baby/toddler like they do theirs, then as a parent, you are NOT AS GOOD.

My first issue with this is that... hello? These people are ON THE COMPUTER (or their phone) more often than they aren't. They are constantly posting, twittering (or tweeting or whatever the word is), or facebooking (or whatever other social networks are out there). So exactly WHEN are they doing all this excellent parenting?! If they're truly tv-abandoning or truly homeschooling or truly doing the things they claim, where do they get their extra hours in the day? I know that when I sit down at the computer, not only do I blow more time than I intend to, but I know that I can get very little else done whilst browsing blogs and facebook. That's why I do try to limit my Internet time to when the kids are napping or in bed, or when the hubby's home and is giving me a few seconds to myself before I head out into the fire-that-is-small-children again. I'm woman enough to admit that I don't get much done when computer time is involved. So you won't see me preaching to the masses about This Is How You Should Be Parenting/Mothering/Doing Things Because I Have The Answers And The Perfect Home Life And You Don't.

My other issue with it is... there are some mommies reading these blogs out there that truly think these folks have this mommy business all figured out. They look at their blogs with their gorgeous pictures, and the children on these blogs look so happy and content. Their clothes are designers that we regular folk have never even heard of. The owner of the blog preaches on what SHE does to make these children so happy and content. What she does NOT preach about, however, are those moments when her kids are having meltdowns and she wants to pull her hair out (SURELY that doesn't just happen in MY house!), or the arguments she has with her husband about money, who should be doing what around the house, etc...(surely THAT doesn't just happen in my house, either!). and she sure wouldn't fess up to having an issue with spending too much money on those designer clothing she's bought for her perfect children! Maybe she's even living beyond her means and creating a credit problem just to keep up with appearances. (Not saying that all the mommy bloggers can't afford what they show on their blogs... but I have a hard time believing that they ALL can!)

Let me just offer this to whoever's out there reading this: Whether your children wear these designers or whether they're wearing Geranimals: You're doing it right. Whether you feed your children homemade nut butter on home-baked whole grain bread, or peanut butter from a jar on white bread.. you're doing it right. Whether you homeschool or send your kids to public school: You're doing it right! Whether you wear your baby in a wrap on your body or push your child in a stroller: YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT! Whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle feed: You're doing it RIGHT!! Whether you stay at home with your children or go to work: YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT! Whether your pictures are taken from the fanciest camera out there and you have a flair for artsy pics, or whether your pictures are taken from a Kodak Easy Share and half your kids' heads are cut off in the pictures: YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT! Basically, as long as you're feeding, clothing, sheltering, and schooling your children in some way-- YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT. Please don't let the mommybloggerland make you think otherwise. The point of parenting is not for everybody to take the same road... but to get to the same destination: Happy, healthy, well-adjusted children who will look back on their childhoods and remember all the love that their mommy (and daddy) gave to them.

Ds Mamas...

2010-08-04T14:02:00.002-05:00

... last time I took D to the doctor (a week or so ago), I told her about the geneticists recommendation that he visit an opthamologist before his first birthday. Her reply was "why?" ... and I just couldn't even remember why! She went ahead and referred him to one, and we have an appointment in November, but here's my question: Did your child see an opthamologist in his/her first year? What are they looking for? I think I remember reading some time that babies with Ds are proned to cataracts... did I read that or is my brain making that up? lol ALSO, anybody else's little one born with a PFO? At about what age were you referred to a cardiologist to see if it closed up or not? His doctor doesn't seem concerned about it yet, and he's doing fine... she couldn't even hear his murmur this last time... but I'd still kind of like to know if it's there or not, ya know? *Note: I could totally look the answers to these questions up on some website or in my Ds manual thing, but I like to hear real-life answers from real-life people going through the same things I'm going through... don't you?*
One more question before I leave you guys alone.... I've been looking at several of your blogs, and your sweet little angels look so strong! I know my Dylan has come lightyears from where he was, but he still just seems so floppy to me in so many ways. I work with him every single day, and I do what the OT tells me to do, but there are some things that he just simply refuses to do. We practice sitting up every day, but he refuses to straighten his back and lift his head, and often just flops himself over or twists his legs so he doesn't have to sit up. We sit up in the bumbo, but the same thing happens. (He's very stubborn... sweet, perfect, lovable, but stubborn! hehe) So could you tell me what YOU'RE doing to make your guys/gals stronger... specifically back, neck, and arms?

Seven Months

2010-07-29T00:09:00.004-05:00

Dear Dylan,

Today, you are 7 months old. I cannot believe it was seven months ago that I was nervously riding in the car to OKC, anxious to meet you but feeling so nervous and underprepared. Seven months ago when you surprised me by being so tiny (only 5 lbs even) and having a little sprig of blond hair. Gosh, it was most definitely love at first sight. What have you been up to this month?

~You are still wearing a size 2 diaper.
~ 6-9 month clothes fit you best, but 3-6 month clothes still fit fine too.
~You have become more expressive...lots of smiles and giggles, which we love.
~You are a moving machine! You've perfected this little scoot thing where you put your legs under you like you're wanting to crawl, and then just push yourself forward. Your arms do almost none of the work, so it's like a worm scoot. SO so cute!
~This month, you've perfected rolling... sure, you've been rolling for a while now, but you would flip one direction and then flip back the same way you came. Now you can roll from either direction and you actually get places!
~Your 6 month well-baby appointment is today, so we'll know then just how much you weigh and how long you are. *Edited to add: You weigh 14 lbs, 14 oz... and you are 25 inches long!*
~Your new obsession? Trying to suck your thumb while you're eating... whether it be from the breast or the bottle, you try to suck both the thumb and the nipple at the same time... lol
~The foods you've tried so far (other than rice cereal) have been green beans (loved 'em!), sweet potatoes (eh...), squash (loved it!), and turkey (loved it!) So far, you aren't showing a huge need to "eat" very often... so we just do a feeding of one of these above mentioned foods once a day or once every other day. You're perfectly content with the breast milk.
~You're getting stronger every day! We didn't know we could have so much love to give to you and your brother. You're both my world, and I just love you so much!!

a case of the blah's.

2010-07-27T23:57:00.002-05:00

I'm going to (try to) make this short, because 1) it's late; and 2) I have things I need to do. Like put the stuff from the washer to the dryer, since the Nameless Somebody who also lives in the house who is over 3-ft tall said he'd help, but did not. (Oh, not you honey! hehe... that... other... person. :) )

I've been feeling the "blahs" a lot lately. Partly because I have to go back to work. I do miss being with my students and having adults to talk to, but obviously I'd rather be with my babies.

But part of it is because of the trail-of-ex-friends that having a baby with special needs seems to create. One particular person is a person I looked up to so much. She meant SO MUCH to me. We haven't spoken in about 5 or 6 months now. I would have never, EVER guessed that I would have lost this person as a friend. I did my best to keep her and my closest friends informed of the goings-on while D was in the hospital. I answered as many texts, phone calls, and FB messages as I could. Granted, I answered them on MY time, because, well, my child and his care came first. Life was consumed with sitting in a NICU room waiting to talk to doctors, pumping, finding out/waiting for the next plan of action. That stuff came first, and I do not regret that. My truest friends understood that. I don't know if she felt like I left her out of things, but SURELY she would realize that my child had to come first.

Truly, though? It's her loss. She's missing out on the best baby ever. He's a happy, content little fella with a smile that will melt even the hardest of hearts. I'm losing out because she was someone I just really thought the world of... but SHE's missing out even more.

I don't expect pity or sympathy or anything like that. I just needed to type this out. Tomorrow's another day, and hopefully I don't feel so "blah"ish.

Who cares, Amy? (I do, that's who.)

2010-07-18T23:51:00.004-05:00

1) The littlest member of our family had his first encounter with green beans tonight. He DEVOURED them!
He still has a hard time sitting up in his bumbo without his neck flopping his head back or to the side, but he seemed to sit a little straighter for the green beans! He's his mama's child... loves the grub!

2) The bigger boy has decided to be the poster child for "Terrible Threes is the new Terrible Twos." He'll be 3 next month, and he's making 2 look like child's play.

3)I am, however, enjoying his ever-developing vocabulary and his imagination and his inquisitiveness. I love his attention to detail and his awesome memory. Right now his obsession is with the Corpse Flower that's blooming at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. We watch Lois on webcam, and he just LOVES checking up on the "stinky fwower" several times during the day. If one of Lois' caretakers happens to be misting water on her or messing with her in any way, he's quick to yell out "JUST LOOK! DON'T TOUCH!" (wonder where he's heard that?! hehe)

4) His new obsessive conversation starter is "Excuse me, Miss..." Example: "Excuse me, Miss, have you seen my sippy cup?" "Excuse me, Miss, wanna watch cartoons?" Another thing he's picked up somewhere is the dramatic teenagery word "FINE." "Do you want to watch Dinosaur Train?" ~*sigh* FINE. lol

5) One day this past week, I let the phrase "shut up" slip out of my mouth in front of him. (It wasn't to him. Or to anybody. The dogs were barking at the folks putting the roof on the neighbor's house, and I said I wished they would shut up.) He immediately furrowed his eyebrows at me, and said "THAT is an UGLY word." He's very right, and I apologized to him. Also, he was being naughty one day while I was changing his clothes, and I got a little loud with him.... his response was "Don't yell! Just talk!" (Again, wonder where he got that?)

6) I have been putting off the visit to the doctor's office for Dylan's 6-month checkup. I know I need to get him in there, but I just am not looking forward to all the shots and bloodwork that I know will accompany the visit. *sigh*

7) Oh. And, I have to go back to work. We're just barely getting by with what my husband makes... especially since he now has all 4 of us on his insurance, which costs an arm and a leg. We tried... we made it quite a while... but I don't see us making it for the long haul. So off to work I go. I feel better now that D is bigger and we're not in and out of doctors' offices so often, but I would have loved to be home with my kids for a few years. *sigh* I guess it just wasn't the plan laid out for me.

The post that was supposed to be made yesterday.

2010-07-09T22:42:00.005-05:00

My eyes and body and brain are so tired, it took me about 230498098 tries to type the title.

Yesterday (July 8th) was our 5th wedding anniversary. We spent it having fun as a family. We figured yesterday would be THE perfect day to go to the OKC Zoo. The forecast called for heavy rains in the afternoon, and we figured that meant it'd be nice and cloudy in the earlier part of the day. We were wrong and right... at first it was super sunny and hot and muggy... but then the clouds rolled overhead and it was nice! Being the awesome people we are, we totally forgot the camera. So the only pictures we have were snapped on DH's phone.

I just about had a heart attack when this squirrel got so close and chummy with little M, but little M LOVED it! When the squirrel thought better of his choice in friends and ran away, little M chased him yelling "Come back squirrel!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"
Of course, that isn't Dilly's sippy. And it's dirty because little M decided that the ground was a good place for it when we stopped for Dylan to have a little snack. All that aside--here's Dylan riding an elephant statue. :)

Michael petting a rhino statue. And my extremely white leg.

With the exception of the bats (which he LOVED) and a few of the birds, little M wasn't all that jazzed about the animals. Instead, he had fun collecting things from the trails. Leaves, mainly. And a rock or two. But he loved, loved, loved being outside and playing all day! Dylan enjoyed riding in the stroller... catching a few z's here and there, or just happily kicking his legs and chewing on his hands. He didn't make a single peep the entire time we were in OKC, other than happy babbles. Such a happy baby!!

After the zoo fun, we went to a barbeque place for a late lunch/early dinner. Soooo yummy. If you're ever in Bricktown, and you're going to the movies or just hanging out there, I recommend Earl's BBQ. Specifically, I recommend the sliced brisket. Michael and I discovered it by accident while D was in the NICU (toward the beginning-- we knew where nothing was (except Bricktown), and we were itching to get out to eat something other than hospital cafeteria food.), so maybe it just holds a special place for us because of that, but their brisket really is delish!

We are so blessed. Blessed with two beautiful babies. Blessed with 9 years of being together--5 years of being married-- almost 3 years of being parents together. We just took it all in yesterday. Everyday, really.

Schnoodles, anniversary preview, cute kids.

2010-07-08T00:42:00.004-05:00

I cut my dogs' hair myself.
I'm not good at it, but I don't care.
I am super cheap that way.
Two of them have been to the groomers in our previous life (BC... before children). The other has been a victim of my haircuts his entire life.

That being said, no laughing at their haircuts. It's been rainy and gross here, and you know curly-heads and the humidity. Right... blame it on the humidity...

This is Rocky. Rocky is the youngest. Rocky is scared of everything. His shadow, other animals, butterflies, people's voices, cameras... there's nothing Rocky is NOT scared of, come to think of it. But he's very sweet and very gentle.

This is Sammy. Sammy is the tough talker. He's the alpha dog in the backyard... or at least he fancies himself the alpha dog in the backyard. Rocky concurs, of course. He looooves him some fetch. If you come to my house, don't ever play fetch with him. He will NOT.LET.YOU.STOP.

Last, but most certainly not least, is Daisy. This is a horrendous picture of Daisy... she refused to let me take her picture. I had to trick her to get THIS shot, and she hid shortly after it was snapped. She's just moody like that sometimes. Daisy is the attention seeker. She will come when you call ANY of the dogs' names, or your child's name, or just yell out "Hey Stinky!" and she'll come. Any human word = "Daisy, come here, I want to pet you" to her. There's a downside to her friendliness... and that is JEALOUSY. She is super jealous when you show the other dogs any attention. And? She pees when she gets excited or scared. But don't tell her I told you... I'm sure she doesn't want her bladder control issues broadcast on the Internet.

Those are my pups. I kinda like 'em. Sometimes. :)

***********************

It's after midnight, so it's officially tomorrow, which means it's officially my 5th wedding anniversary. I'll write more on it tomorrow... hopefully. :)

**********************

I shall leave you with cuteness a la my children.

strange things are afoot at the circle K

2010-07-04T21:55:00.003-05:00

... e-props to anybody who's old enough to remember the movie from which I stole my title!

Some crazy shenanigans went down in my 'hood this past week. You have to understand that my city? Fancies itself hardcore. There are gangs and drugs and yucky things. Despite all of this, I live in a very calm neighborhood. It is a middle-class, homes-built-in-the-80s-and-90s, family-oriented neighborhood.

And then our across-the-street neighbors moved in.

You see, they are all for a party, no matter what time it is. They sit in their garage or in their driveway, play loud music, drink beer, and enjoy their lives, one liver failure at a time, I suppose. They have friends that come and go constantly.

A few nights ago, my dogs started barking like they were being murdered at about 2:30AM. Their bed is in our garage (and the spoiled rotten beings have their very own fan! I don't even have MY very own fan! But that's not the point), so I went to tell them to behave themselves. As I was talking toward the utility room (which is connected to the garage), I happened to glance out the front window. I saw cop cars parked in front of our house. I woke the hubbster up, and like the good neighbors we are, we spied on the goings on. Out of nowhere, one of the cop cars peeled out and drove quickly down the street. The police scanner (Yeah, my hubby's addicted.) said that a guy ran from the scene and only made it a couple of blocks before they caught him. Anyway... to make a long story short, the parade ended with 6 cop cars, an ambulance, a hurt man sprawled out on our lawn, and another man in handcuffs in the back of one of the cruisers.

In all fairness to my happy-go-lucky neighbors, the newspaper reported that it was an auto burglary and a resisting arrest, so I guess they can't be blamed for someone trying to break into their car. The newspaper also put OUR address in the "ambulance" section.. I suppose because the fella was sprawled out on our lawn. (That makes us famous, right?)

*********************

In my family, the awesome thing to do is to be born on one of your family members' birthdays, thus stealing their thunder and half of their birthday cake. It started with my cousin Nick. You see, he was born on my 16th birthday. And then came my darling son, little M. He decided to make his debut on his cousin Summer's 7th birthday. And then my sweet baby Dylan decided that his cousin Madison didn't need her 13th birthday all to herself. Apparently, it runs thick in our blood, because our sweet new baby cousin Sophia arrived today! Her big brother, Harrison, also turned 3 today! And they BOTH stole their birthday from the United States of America, who turned 234 today!

*******************
I sincerely hope you all had a pleasant 4th of July. We did. The boys enjoyed time spent at their Aunt Tina and Uncle Thomas's house today. Big M and I did too!! Good food and good company--you can't go wrong with that! Dylan's still not cool with crowds of people, but I'm sure he'll get there eventually. Little M and his daddy are still at the lake popping firecrackers! Happy birthday, America!

Six months!

2010-06-29T09:25:00.003-05:00

Can you believe it? Can you?! Because I CAN'T! My baby is half of a year old. SIX MONTHS!

What have you been up to?

*You are getting so big and rolly... we just love the chunkiness on your thighs and arms... and even the chub-roll on your knees! :) You haven't been weighed for a while... you should get weighed at your well-baby appointment (that I still haven't made. Your mommy is a procrastinator!)

*You wear 3-6 month clothes, but you're transitioning into 6-9 month clothes nicely.

*You wear a size 2 diaper. You didn't make it through all the size newborns, 1s, and 1-2s that people gave us at your baby showers, but you have a sweet new cousin named Sophia who is due any day now, and she will inherit all of your unused diapys. :)

*You roll around like the wind blows... you seem to get where you want to go, but you haven't figure out that when you roll on your tummy, if you roll to your back the same way you came, you kind of cancel out any movement you made. lol.. still, it's adorable to watch you flip-flop.

*And man, oh man, do you have a thing for kicking these days!! I think if you could spend your waking hours with nothing else to do except kicking those legs furiously, you'd be happy as a clam!

*You've finally, FINALLY found your feet! Your OT will be so proud! She's been wanting you to find your feet so you can strengthen your core area!

*You're starting to grab toys and bring them to your mouth!

*We still haven't started you on any solid foods... you just seem so content with the boobie-milk.

*You are becoming a babbler!! You like to "talk" to Mommy, and it seems like you're truly trying to tell me a story. It's mostly one or two noises you're making, but bygolly you're saying SOMETHING! :)

*Your funniest milestone this month has been the blowing raspberries thing. So stinking cute!

*I've been so blessed to stay home with you and get to know your every single move, not to mention being available for every single appointment you've had so far. I pray that I get to be home with you, at least until you're finished with the early intervention program and graduate on to school. We shall see what happens... Mommy and Daddy are still weighing the pros and cons of going to work vs. staying home... Daddy wants me to be home with you! And your ornery big brother, of course!

Some Super Sweetness, and some rambly randomness.

2010-06-24T08:48:00.003-05:00

Here is Dylan, demonstrating things he loves most: Pointing, Eating his fist, and telling mommy what-for!

*******************

1) I seriously, seriously hate heartburn. I could eat nothing but crackers and drink nothing but water and STILL get heartburn, I think! But when I'm pregnant? Almost NO heartburn. Whatsoever. Maybe I should just stay pregnant a la Duggar Woman to stave off heartburn?

2) Little M is currently wearing a pair of underwear, but I'm not holding my breath for all day good results. The other day, he was wearing a nice pair of Lightning McQueen underpants. I told him not to use the bathroom on Lightning McQueen because that'd make McQueen cry. Apparently, who cares about LM's feelings? Because about 15 minutes after his 230498th (prompted) trip to the potty, my son pooped right on him. Don't worry, though, he took his underpants off and let it fall right on the floor! *sigh*

3) I've been having lots of random flashbacks to when Dylan was born and the month of NICUness that followed. Just little, random moments that weren't even significant, but I had apparently filed away in my noggin anyway. Like right before they took me back for the c-section, the LD nurse said "I'm going to give you a medicine that is most likely going to make you anxious. So when you start telling me that you just want to go home, I'm going to ignore you." lol.... that nurse? Looked EXACTLY like Christine Taylor. You know, Ben Stiller's wife. (Side note:I just tried to Google Image a picture of her, and almost gave my computer a virus. Random.) And like when I had my final meeting with the lactation consultant, I did something wrong while she was helping me get him latched, and she made some joke like "are you SURE you should take him home with you?" which I KNEW was a joke, but I still almost cried anyway because I WAS overwhelmed and scared to do stuff wrong once I got home. She was super nice and super dedicated to her job, and I knew then and still know now that she meant no harm by that comment.

3a)Certain smells remind me of our RMH prison. Like the lotion I use. Certain songs remind me of being locked down in our room with nothing to do but to listen to the radio. We listened to Delilah every night. Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" was, like, her FAVORITE song to play, I think. That, and Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." When I hear those songs now, I'm stuck back on that twin-sized "sleep number" bed, where the "sleep number" feature was broken, reading books I lifted from their library, pumping every 3 seconds (it seemed), and missing both of my babies so much it was physically hurting.
*sigh*

Daddy's day

2010-06-20T14:52:00.003-05:00

I remember the moment my husband became a father. Well, I mean, my husband was a father for 41 weeks prior to that moment, but the moment my son was born is the moment I'm referring to. I was in labor for what felt like 2340928320498 hours, only to end up in the operating room, listening to my doctor talk about Kevin Costner movies and how Brinks home security was at his house and he was still stuck at the hospital. (That, my friends, was a playful guilt trip because he wasn't even on call that evening, but my doctor knew I was scared of doctors, so he wanted to stay with me and deliver my son... too bad he didn't realize that my son didn't wanna come out, and was not delivered until 10:08PM!) Anyway, all of that to say... I remember when my husband became a father.

Me: Is he okay? **baby starts crying**
Him: Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh...**Entire face lights up and tears stream down***
Me: What does he look like?
Him: I don't know.. he's purple, and he has a cone head!

lol

Almost 3 years later, my son is no longer purple, nor does he have a cone head, but my husband's face still lights up when he sees his children in the same way it did in that first moment that he became a father.

Happy Father's day, big M. Your children are so blessed to have you as their Daddy.

Can I get an AMEN from the boobie choir?

2010-06-19T18:20:00.002-05:00

***DISCLAIMER*** I am, in no way, bashing folks who choose not to breastfeed (or cannot breastfeed) their babies. I did not breastfeed my oldest son, and he turned out more than just fine, thank ya. I am, however, taking up for those of us who DO breastfeed and get flack for it. As mommies, we get glares and stares for breastfeeding AND for giving the baby the bottle. Naysayers on both side of the fence, when shouldn't we be supporting each other as mothers and women?! Oh, and how many of us have breastfed in public to the tune of people tsk-tsk'ing or mumbling under their breath or DOWNRIGHT GETTING IN OUR BUSINESS and saying something.... but those same people would give us those same dirty looks or those same ugly comments if we just let our kid scream instead of feeding them!! Mmmhmm.
*************

So... Kim Kardashian tweeted yesterday about being disgusted that a woman breastfed her baby at a restaurant in which Kim was dining WITHOUT A COVER*gasp*.... Um, yeeeeah... Kim Kardashian, ON A DAILY BASIS, shows more boob than this breastfeeding mommy could have POSSIBLY shown!!! Can I get you a big dose of "mind your own business and don't watch if you don't like it", Miss Kardashian? I mean, I know you think of boobs as lust objects, but sheesh.

THIS blogger says it better than I ever could.

I guess this is what they call a "stream of consciousness?"

2010-06-18T11:20:00.003-05:00

1) I know I should update more, but I can't think of anything clever to write.

2) The boys are doing well. They're growing and doing and saying funny things. Well, the big one says funny things. The little one only does funny things. For instance, the little one has learned how to blow raspberries. And it's rather funny and cute. The biggest one's newest obsessive thing is to put the word NOW behind everything in a very dramatic, sing-y fashion... "I'm full NOOOWWWWWWW." "It's all clean NOOOWWWWWW." "My show is over NOOOOWWWWWW."

3) I know he's said some really funny things, but I can't clear my brain enough to think of them at this moment.

4) I read The Lovely Bones this week. And then I watched the movie. The book was pretty good, albeit a tad wordy in parts (I still stand firm on LESS IS MORE when describing stuff sometimes, people). But the movie was... eh.

5) Dylan's due for his second hearing test and his eye exam pretty shortly. I'm not worried about either one. I don't understand why he would be considered high risk for losing his hearing simply because he was in a "level II or III nursery for more than 24 hours." Anybody care to explain that to me?

6) I don't know if we're going to survive financially if I don't go back to work. But I don't know what to do with my kiddos if I do have to go back, and I don't see myself being terribly focused on work with Dylan in someone else's care, especially since he doesn't feel the need to eat for anybody but our close family members. And paying for daycare in one fashion or another is going to be tres expensive. So... eh, we'll just see.

7) I had other stuff written here, and Blogger decided it would be so much fun to erase it all. *sigh*

8) I went out for ice cream with my friend Bonnie, who is an audiologist and a speech pathologist (I think... I don't know the right terminology... but anyway, she's got her doctorate and she's also in the National Guard and she's also a grandma even though she looks super duper young. So all of those things = she's way cooler than I am.) Anyway, she feels like Dylan is doing good things on his path to speech and language! He puts his hands in his mouth, which she says is the first critical step to language (oral awareness). His tongue doesn't protrude much, and he has good control over it. He latches to both the breast and a bottle. And he is starting to make plenty of sounds with his voice. This news from her is very encouraging (she's so cute, she can't help but diagnose folks, even off the clock. Even in Braum's. lol). She's a no-nonsense, no-beat-around-the-bush type of lady (which I love about her), so I don't think she'd just fluff things up because we're friends. I think she'd give it to me straight either way.

9) I've heard rumor that Dylan's OT will be moving soon, since her husband is military. This makes me sad, because I don't want to get used to someone else! And even though D's OT is this tall, thin, blonde bombshell that I would normally hate just because she's so much hotter than I am, she's so nice that I can't even hate her! And I've gotten used to having her in my house. I don't wanna get used to... oh, I already said that. Sorry.

10) I can't remember what else I said before Blogger ate my post. SO I guess that's about all I have to say. :)

Summertiiiiiime

2010-06-10T15:10:00.005-05:00

The boys are both napping,(oh, the blessed both-boy-napping-at-the-same-time moments. Hardly ever happens.) and I need to do dishes and fold laundry, but FIRST! My boys.

Big M and I have been taking the boys out for walks in the evenings, when the sun isn't quite as hot. Oklahoma chose to skip Spring this year, so we went straight from being frozen to melting, so we only do a teensy amount of outside play during the hot part of the day. We save it for when Daddy gets home, after we've had our dinner. Awesome way to get the big one to wind down and go to bed at a normalish time.

Little M is in love with his tricycle.

Dylan is a fan of riding in his stroller, but he is NOT a fan of that stroller stopping for ANY REASON. Which is why the only picture of him on our walks is from my position as stroller-pusher.

And, because I love you all, here's a bonus picture. :)

Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2010-06-06T20:08:00.002-05:00

Yesterday.

1) My darling 2-year-old was snooping through my jewelry box on my dresser. This is not uncommon, as he is just the perfect height to open the bottom drawer of the jewelry box over and over, and he takes full advantage of this, despite getting a talking-to each and every time (that he's caught. Let's face it, he has free time when his mommy is feeding his brother, and I know he hasn't been caught every single time he's done it. But I digress.) Somehow, he knocked into this glass fishbowl I keep on my dresser where we keep our spare change (because we're very southern in that way... Heaven forbid we get an actual bank of some sort. We had a fish, it met its maker, we used the bowl for change. Right, off topic again. Sorry..) Well, he must have hit that fishbowl juuuuust right, because it came tumbling off my dresser, and it shattered in a million pieces. Maybe a TRILLION pieces. A BASKILLION PIECES. It was A.Lot.Of.Pieces. I saw it all go down.. it felt like it was happening in slooooow motion. Don't worry, my son jumped out of the way just in time, thank God. Not a scratch on the lad. It took me an hour to pick up all of the baskillion big and small pieces. Not to mention all of the change that had to find a new home in a box. The pieces of glass found THEIR home in a bucket thing.

2) You think that story's over? Not quite. When I turned around to put lotion on my hands and walk out of the bedroom? I stepped right in that bucket. I know how dumb that sounds. Geez, Amy, how do you NOT see a friggin BUCKET in front of you?! But I stepped right inside of the bucket. And cut my big toe pretty badly. I bled through four bandages (2 big, 2 small), so I ended up with 6 bandages on my toe at one time.

3) Our computer got some weird virus where it wouldn't let us do a SINGLE THING online. It wouldn't let our virus protection work, etc. My first thought was MY PICTURES! I HAVEN'T PRINTED PICTURES IN 203498 YEARS! THEY'LL BE GONE FOREVERRR..Everr..ever... (that's my echo effect). But I restarted the computer in safe mode, was able to run my virus scan, and then did a system restore. And if the virus isn't gone, it's at least letting us do stuff online again, so whatev.

4) All of this happened before noon yesterday. We then went to El Chico for lunch, where the smart staff decided that my 2-year-old needed a grown up's glass of lemonade... but oh, they put a flimsy lid on it, so it's secure. Ha! I saw this spill coming a mile away. Before I could even get my own drink out of the wingspan of a 2-year-old, he grabbed the glass and spilled the entire thing into his lap.

It was at this point when I declared yesterday our bad luck day, but I was determined that it wasn't going to bring us down. Some days are just like that (even in Australia [ha! clever playback to the title of the post!]), and I knew that things could be so much worse. Once I decided that, things got much better. We had a wonderful day together as a family, my throbbing toe and all.

Take THAT, whatever force was trying to dampen our day!

Nine years...

2010-06-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wonder
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow

Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But darling not as much as tomorrow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, nine years ago, I started dating my darling husband. Every single day, our relationship has evolved into something deeper...something more meaningful. We have been through so much together. Thank you for a beautiful 9 years so far, my wonderful husband. Here's to 99 more. :)

What a wonderful world....

2010-06-02T00:05:00.002-05:00

I see skies of blue

clouds of white

Bright blessed days

dark sacred nights

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world...

I remember sitting in 8th grade English class, listening to that song. My teacher wanted us to really listen to the lyrics. I was a 13 year old cynic, and I protested out loud about how the world isn't THAT wonderful, what with all the pollution, crime, and natural disasters that happen. My teacher, ever the optimist, wanted me to look PAST all of that and see the beautiful things about our lives and our country and our world. I just couldn't SEE the beautiful things then.

Oh, I can see them now.

And that sweet, optimistic teacher of mine? Well, her family is about to go through a really rough, trying time. Her daughter, who is only 29 and just had a baby a few months ago, has been diagnosed with stage-4 adenocarcinoma, which originated in her lungs. And you know what? I bet, even with Meghan going through aggressive chemotherapy treatments and the fear of losing her very life, that family will STILL think to themselves, "What a wonderful world." They're just filled with God that way. :)

I'm blessed to have been touched by this family.

If you're the praying type, please pray for this girl (it's hard for me to admit that she's now a woman, because in my mind, people I knew when they were little are ALWAYS little...saves me from feeling old. :). Here is her caringbridge site, if you would like to keep up with her journey.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghandelobe

5 months

2010-05-29T15:40:00.002-05:00

Dear Dylan,

Today you turn 5 months old!! Really?! Where did the whole month go?? You have been a busy boy this month, learning new skills and getting big!

~You haven't been weighed in yet, so I don't know your weight, but you're growing nicely! Everyone comments on how filled out and chunky you are!

~You wear 3-6 month clothes, but your feet are still so tiny that you wear a size newborn (size 1) in shoes.

~You are talking more, adding "Oohhhmbuuh" and "Aaaagoooo" to your vocabulary. I'm positive that means "I have the prettiest mommy in the world!" hehe

~Just today you rolled from your back to your front with no assistance! And then you started fussing because you were on your tummy and didn't wanna be!

~You're still sleeping through the night! I feel so blessed to get a full night's sleep every night!

~You're really getting too big for your bassinet, but I hate to give up having you in the room with us at night. But I know you'll love your crib!

~You haven't started any solids yet, but maybe that'll be in next month's update! You love your breastmilk, though!

~You have some stranger anxiety... who can blame you, with all the shots and blood draws you've had in your short life. You practically break your neck looking for mommy if someone is holding you and I'm standing nearby.

~Still, everybody who meets you falls in love immediately!

a decision

2010-05-28T00:00:00.002-05:00

I went up to my school today. First time I've been there since right before Christmas break. I went after school so I didn't have to see many people. I saw my old classroom... things were different. It's funny how you don't actually expect life to go on without you. I had the weirdest feeling of being violated and being bitter, even though those feelings were unjustified. It's not my sub's fault that she did the absolute very best she could and gave those kids what they deserved-- a teacher that was there and not gone all the time for appointments. In fact, that's EXACTLY what I wanted her to do. But when I saw the whiteboard, with their little signatures on it telling her that she was the "best teacher ever" and that they were going to miss her over the summer... well, I felt sad and betrayed and forgotten. I know how dumb that sounds. I'm the one who CHOSE, and was not FORCED, to take a leave of absence from school. With my son AND my class's best interest at heart. But it still stung a bit.

But... seeing that classroom... I know that nothing inside of it compares to being home with my babies. So, (depending on if we don't struggle too badly financially this summer, which would change this decision drastically...), I think it's my place to be home. For good. Or at least until Dylan is no longer breastfeeding and starts taking to other people a little better. (Presently, he seems to have stranger anxiety... you should see how he searches for me when someone else is holding him.)

So... here goes nothin'.

2010-05-25T11:28:00.006-05:00

You're my little lovebug; my cuddly kangaroo...

My funny bunny, sweet as honey, all of this is true!

You're everything that's wonderful; you're all of the above...

But most of all, what YOU are is...

God's sweetest gift of love!

words borrowed from the book You're My Little Lovebug

eh.

2010-05-24T20:53:00.001-05:00

1. quite obviously not dead.

2. cute pictures on my camera.

3. ...........

tornadoes part deux, and other randomage.

2010-05-18T23:33:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is promising to be filled with tornadoes again, and this time in MY half of Oklahoma (you didn't know I owned half of OK, did you? heh), so if you never hear from me again, assume that my time has come and that you have inherited my pogo stick.

But in all seriousness on the tornado thing, I am scared. I hate bad weather. But if it happens in the middle of the night? Fahgettaboutit. I'll sleep right through it.

Couple of days ago, I had a bit of a spewing of the mouth on facebook via cryptic status message. Sorry about that, guys. I just get so frustrated. And I wasn't REALLY speaking to anybody in particular (yes I was), but if I WERE (I was), it would have been to people that are generally nice people, but just have their heads up their hindquarters at the moment. And they didn't get it. (Don't worry, it wasn't any of you who responded.) Anyway, moving on.

School is almost out, which means I'm supposed to go up to the school and get my stuff packed. Here-in lies my dilemma... I don't know if I shall be returning to teaching or not. So I don't know what to do with my stuff. Should I pack it up with the intentions of not coming back? Should I leave it there and make the next ~~fool~~ I mean, teacher clean it up? I have until February to decide if I'm returning to the profession. I wouldn't mind doing something to bring money in to our family, but I don't know that teaching is what I want to do. Plus, I've fallen in love with my current job, and I don't want to give it up. Decisions, decisions.

D man had his bi-monthly visit with the OT lady yesterday. He showed off ALL of his mad skills, like "look what I can do now, lady!!" and she seemed to be impressed. This was the first visit with her that he didn't cry the entire time! He only cried at the end, like "GEEZ, chick, what's with making me do all these workouts? I'm tiiiiiireddddd, waaaaaaaaahh." He's trying so hard to roll from back to front now... he perfected the front-to-back roll weeks ago. He's getting so big!

Pictures eventually.

So I was watching Tyra yesterday (don't ask me why, for I haven't a good explanation), and appaaaarently, there's a dating website for folks who are married and want to have an affair. It's funny, because OMG there's a site for married folks to hook up with each other! But it's NOT funny because it's a site for married folks to hook up with each other. I suppose that people think that cheating will magically make their problems disappear. Unfortunately for them, it doesn't work that way. Shame on the person who owns this website. Shame on them for profiting off of people's pain. Shame on me for watching trash TV! And also, shame on me for wikipedia'ing the site because I was still in shock that this place even exists. And indeed, it does.

Which brings me to evidence number 234093284098 that I have the TV on too much during the day:
Little M, having his toys talk to each other, completely engaged in his own little imagination: Just go to disneychannel dot com and check it out!!

uh. oops.

Here's one more Michaelism, then I must sleep:

Me: James Michael, your room is SUCH a mess! *Sigh*
Him: Don't worry, Mommy. You will CLEAN the mess!

Tornadoes are no bueno.

2010-05-10T22:56:00.003-05:00

All's good here, for anybody who was worried about us Okies. I live in Southwestern Oklahoma (I know it says I live in Ada, but I don't. I grew up in Ada, though. Home of a football player, a country singer, and a couple of redneck cowboys who came in second on Amazing Race. And me. The redneck cowboys' momma took my senior pictures, though. BUT I DIGRESS.)

Tornadoes. Yes.

We didn't get hit here in SW OK. But we watched the terrible damage as it was happening in central OK, especially the OKC area (specifically Norman) and the Shawnee/Tecumseh area. I prayed for the poor people living through those mean tornadoes... I marveled at how, in a neighborhood, several houses were reduced to simply foundation, and some houses weren't touched at all. I watched a vehicle tumble down the road. I saw a whole truck stop demolished. And it's scary business.

Tornadoes. I. Do. Not. Like.

Keep those people who were affected in your thoughts and prayers, please. The last total of deaths I heard was 5, but the property damage is out of this world. Praise God for those who did escape with their lives, and may God hold the ones who didn't make it in the palm of His hand.

Stuff I'm Thinking About.

2010-05-08T15:17:00.003-05:00

1) When you find out that my child has Down syndrome? You know what I really don't want to hear? "Oh, children with Down syndrome are the sweetest kids ever!" So is the bonus chromosome the sweet chromosome or something?! If my son is a good natured kid, it's because he's Dylan. Not because he has designer genes. It's such a generalization that's not necessarily true... people with Down syndrome have ranges of emotions, just like people with the regular amount of chromosomes do. They are going to be happy, sad, angry, excited, indifferent. Maybe it's just someone's way of making the parent feel better about the diagnosis... but really? Down syndrome is really NOT bad news. Dylan is Dylan. He's not Down syndrome.

2) If you're staying away, you're one ones missing out. I can promise you that.

3) I saw a friend I used to work with yesterday at a restaurant. She has a baby just a couple of weeks younger than Dylan. I got to hold him, with his huge eyes and bigger grin and TONS OF BLACK HAIR (Dylan and his one small blond sprig were jealous!). And for the first time during this 4-month-so-far-wild-ride, I saw the things that this sweet baby his age could do that Dylan can't. Yet. And for a brief moment, I was sad. I've tricked myself into thinking it's not okay to be sad. That being sad is insulting to my child that I love so much. But it IS okay. Our family was given an alternate version of normal. A slower-paced, small-things-are-big-achievements normal. And my new normal is perfectly okay. And Dylan will be able to do the things this other baby was doing eventually. But... for that brief moment, my heart broke.

4) Let's leave it with a Michaelism.
Him (Using a comb as a camera): Say CHEESE! SMILE! *click* That's an AWESOME picture! :)

I Will Carry You, and well-baby visit

2010-05-05T23:43:00.004-05:00

I will keep this short and sweet, because my husband's sleeping head is like, maybe 3 feet away from this computer and this keyboard is very clackety. Is that a word? Anyway, I read Angie Smith's book, I Will Carry You, in a 24 hour period. I have been reading Angie's blog since probably about October of 2008, about 6 months after her sweet baby girl Audrey went to be with Jesus. I actually found her blog through another baby loss blog, which also introduced me to her sister-in-law Nicol, who also lost a sweet baby boy... which introduced me to the group Selah. I know, I have an e-stalking problem. lol Anyway, all of that to say, it was an AMAZING book. Even though I knew the story of Audrey Caroline (or at least most of it) before I read the book, I still bawled my eyes out. It's a must read.

*********************************************

Dylan had his 4-month well-baby check-up today. First, I have to say that his doctor is a very kind, very concerned and thoughtful person. She is also about 4 ft 9 inches tall. And very blunt. Our conversations always (and I mean always. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.) consist of this:
Her: How much is he eating?
Me: As much as he wants, whenever he wants.
Her: Oh, you breastfeed... do you supplement?
Me: Yes, I breastfeed. No I do not supplement.
Her: Okay, I just don't want him to get fat.
Me: It's just breastmilk. It's good for him.
Her: Yes, it's good for him, it'll be easy for him to work The Fat off.

hehe. Bless her soul.

Anyway, The Dylanator is up to 12 lbs, 6 oz. and 23.5 inches long. He had 3 immunization shots and some oral something-or-other. (Before this fact offends anyone, I should just say that Yes, I immunize my children. No, I don't want to debate it with you. No, I don't think you're wrong for not immunizing. No, I don't think *I'm* wrong FOR immunizing. I think everybody should do what their heart tells them to do in this matter. The end. :))

His little doctor thought he looked kind of pale, so she wants him on a multivitamin. She wanted to check his hemoglobin and his thyroid levels again, so she sent us down to get bloodwork. Dylan's at that awkward stage where he's really too big to prick his heel, but his little arms are so chubby that it's hard for them to find a vein. They poked and poked my baby til I deemed it Enough For One Day. They only got enough blood for the thyroid blood test... the blood for the CBC blood test clotted, and that's apparently a no-no.

He's been a grumpy gus this afternoon/evening, but he ate well and he fell asleep just fine. He's a little warm from the shots, but the only tylenol I have has been recalled, so I will just monitor him.

Whoops, this turned longer than I anticipated. Good thing my hubby could sleep through a tornado. Or at least, through a baby crying in the night... :)

4 months, and a journey to capture a smile

2010-04-29T13:55:00.007-05:00

Dear Dylan,

Today you turn 4 months old. Four months. In some ways four months ago seems like an eternity ago, and in some ways it seems like only yesterday. I remember the day so vividly. I don't know if I'll ever feel entirely caught up with the rest of the world after being confined to your NICU room for that month, and that's okay. So what are you doing these days?

***You are smiling!! You decided that your first real, true, reactive smile was going to be on April 13th. That also happened to be a day when you had your blood drawn, and I figured you would NEVER SMILE AGAIN after that. But you still smile. Sweet, happy boy!

***You can still wear 0-3 month clothes, but you also fit nicely into some 3-6 month clothes, too! A friend from Canada sent you some 3-6 month clothes, and they fit perfectly!! Thanks, Heather!

***You still wear a size 1 diaper, but we're trying to get through them so we can get to the ginormous box of 1-2 diapers that your grandma bought you before you were born.

***You are doing a little bit of yelling at your toys now. It is so precious. You get so excited!

***You are impressing your OT with how strong your lower body is, and we're still working on that upper body strength! But you are finding your hands at midline more often, which is great!

***You are still sleeping through the night, although the last time I bragged about that on here, you did a few day stint of waking up in the middle of the night, so I hope I didn't just jinx it again! Because right now you're THE PERFECT sleeper!

***You love, love, love your big brother! Sometimes, when you go on a little fussing jag (which isn't often, admittedly), big brother's the only one who can get you to stop!

***Your favorite Saturday morning activity? Staring at your daddy! It's not just "looking"... you STARE HIM DOWN. It's so funny! Daddy gets up with you on Saturday (and usually Sunday) mornings so your mommy can sleep in, and you two have a stare-down contest til I get up!! hehe

***You have been taken off your Actigall and synthroid medicines! You are down to prevacid.

***You are thoroughly, completely, unconditionally loved!!

*************************************************************************

So, like I've been saying, my dear, precious son goes stone-faced as soon as the camera or phone comes out. Allow me to demonstrate:

You were smiling just seconds before this.

You eventually threw me this small bone.

You were just "talking" in this one.. you were telling me that you were getting a little rumbly in your tumbly!

Yesterday was a close one... you would do the CUTEST SMILES EVER, and somehow everytime I clicked the camera, I would miss it!!

And now, the very closest I've gotten to an on-camera smile... keep in mind that I am making tons of faces at you, holding the camera where you can still see my face and not just the camera, and tickling your back all at the same time, well, that and I'm a crappy photographer... hence the poor quality of the picture.

You know what's funny?

2010-04-27T11:07:00.002-05:00

...my kids are total opposites. Besides the obvious fact that one has a bonus chromosome and the other doesn't, there are a couple of things that stand out so much to me about how different they are.

1) Sleep:
Little M: Fights sleep for all it's worth; sometimes up til midnight or later; usually wakes up when Daddy is up and getting ready for work, which is between 5 and 6:30AM; hates naps; extremely cranky before AND after a nap.
Dylan: Loves sleep! Sleeps most of the day away! Sleeps through the night! Falls asleep at about 8:30PM and is out til about 7:30 in the morning! Sleep = his favorite activity evaaaahhhh!

2) Behaviors:
Little M: Extremely stubborn; has the 2-year-old defiance thing down to a fine art; but also very polite and funny and almost NEVERRRR acts up in public. (That's an "almost" never, because it does happen... just not very often.) People who are around him think he's the best behaved kid ever, and they never believe the stories of fits thrown at the house.
Dylan: Best behaved baby ever. Hardly ever cries. Gets around other people, though? Total bawlbaby. lol... smiles, does lots of moving around and playing around with his voice when we're home alone, but as soon as OT shows up, starts cry-griping and doesn't want to participate much! Hard to convince people that he is actually a super duper happy and content baby. lol

How they're the same...

1) They are both thoroughly and completely loved by me, their daddy, and all of their family members. Nobody in our families treat Dylan like there's something wrong with him... everybody knows he's just a regular little guy.

Okay, okay, no more posts til I get a picture of the smile. Seriously, though, as soon as he sees the camera OR the phone, he gets this stone straight look on his face like, "you want me to WHAT?! I've never heard of this *smile* thing, and I shall never do it!"

Hodgepodge

2010-04-21T22:35:00.005-05:00

Still no picture of a smile from Dylan, but Daddy DID get to finally see it!

Skipped an appointment at OU today because it was pointless and because his doctor here is also an endocrinologist, so why waste my father-in-law's hard earned money ~~stealing~~ um, borrowing his Pike.pass to get up there and back for something that can be taken care of here?

The weather needs to make up its mind. The changes and the blooms are knocking my two Michaels for an sneezy-faucet-nose-watery-eyed-loop.

Must. Call. Walgreens tomorrow so the ONE PHARMACIST THEY'VE GOT THAT DOES COMPOUND DRUGS can start getting Dylly's refill done. Thanks for reminding me, yall.

Still staying pretty annoyed with people, and I'm trying so hard to not do that.

Must. Start. Exercising.

Read some really old emails today. It's funny (and a tad disturbing) to me to read stuff I wrote so many years ago, because I honestly don't remember any of it. Like, apparently I set up this diaryland account called "girl with eyes" back in 2003ish... I swear, I have no recollection of this AT ALL.

Made Pioneer Woman's BBQ Meatballs tonight for dinner. Third time I've made them. They're pure heaven, I tell ya.

Been working with little M on counting things. He knows how to count, he can recognize his numbers, but when it came to me putting out, say, 5 toys and asking him how many there were, the answer would be something like "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,16" (yeah, he skips 15 a lot.) But recently he has shown interest in really counting, so we've been working on it through the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar. (It's edging up there as His Favorite Book, next to One Fish, Two Fish...) He's such a fast learner. And a great counter! Now if he'd only start using the potty...

I will NEVER forget.

2010-04-19T10:22:00.003-05:00

It was April 19th, 1995. I was 15. My sister was having her baby that day. My mom was on the phone. I was impatiently waiting for her to get OFF of the phone so we could get to the hospital to see my sister. With all of my 15-year-old attitude, I flipped through the channels on the tv, annoyed that the same thing was on every channel. Footage of what looked like some war-torn country, with a blown up building, smoke, and people crying. "Is there NOTHING ELSE ON?!" I whined as I saw the same footage on about the 5th channel I changed it to. It was only then that I saw the caption at the bottom of the screen. "Live in Oklahoma City".... wait, what?! What IS this? I finally actually tuned in to one of the stations, and that's when even my 15-year-old-it's-all-about-me heart sank into my chest. Someone attacked us! Oklahoma! MY State! My state capital!

From that point on that day, while we waited in the waiting room for the arrival of my brand new niece, all we could do was watch footage of what was going on just 80 miles down the road. The babies, covered in ashes and blood, being pulled out of the building... people stuck just beneath some rubble, but alive and screaming for someone to help them. Smoke billowing up in the sky like the world was ending. Speculations on who did this and why started flying...

As horrific and scary as that day was, good did come from it. My beautiful niece was born and was healthy. Oklahoma City's community shone through the smoke and ashes, as people swarmed together to help each other out and console each other. It was like all the people of Oklahoma linked hands and hearts that day. The next few days at school, our teachers decided that there were no lessons that were more important than the one that was going on in our very state, so we watched footage of rescue and recovery.

I will NEVER forget that day or the days that followed.

I always tell my students about that day so we can observe the 168 seconds of silence in honor of those who lost their lives that day. This happened well before they were born, so even though it's a sad story and something they'll undoubtedly have to learn for a history exam one day, it doesn't touch them like it does if you've actually lived through it. But I hope, for the sake of our future, that they do learn something out of it so that history never repeats itself.

Rainbows, Lollipops, and Unicorns

2010-04-16T23:52:00.002-05:00

...my mood really hasn't changed since the previous post, but I'm determined to not become a somber whinypants. So how 'bout some randomage instead?

1) The Dylan-ator has been perfecting his newfound skill this week. That skill? THE SMILE!! It's beautiful and wonderful and funny and precious. BUT! He refuses. REFUSES! to smile for the camera. Picture it, he's all *GRIN GRIN GRIN, I'M THE CUTEST BABY EVAH!!!* Then I get the camera out and he's all *WHAT?! Lady, please, I do NOT know what you're talking about. I do NOT know how to smile!* (Yep, he gets attitude at the ripe ol' age of 15 weeks. hehe) He also will NOT show off his smile to his daddy. He's all :-) and I'm all LOOK MICHAEL and Dylan's all :-|. Get it?

2) Dyllywilly had an appointment on Tuesday with the gastroenterologist (Dr. Grunow). Everything's lookin' fine... he goes back in July... Dr. Grunow will schedule another endoscopy to check out the area where Dylan had an ulcer before, and if that's clear, we'll no longer be considered gastroenterology patients! Which is happy and sad.. happy because, duh, nothing's wrong with my kid's gut! And sad because, well, we LOVE Dr. Grunow! We'll miss him! And by "We" I mostly mean "me" because Dylly + strangers = eh.

3) Little M continues to answer everything with "yes it is", and has also picked up a passion for the phrase "Oh my gosh", which is interchangable with "Oh my goodness", depending on his mood. Like, today... a person on my facebook had pictures of her family with Mickey Mouse, and my son saw it and said "OH MY GOSH! I can't BELIEVE it! It's MICKEY MOUSE!" Thing is? I don't know where he picked up the phrase "Oh my gosh"... because I'm very careful not to say that around him (because, hi, he's a friggin PARROT! Or Mynah bird... or... whichever bird talks and repeats what you say. You get the idea.) Ah well. It could be worse. Like the time his dear ol' daddy called someone on the road a jackass, and mister man repeated THAT...

4) Me? Nothing new to report on me. I find myself longing for adults to talk to, but I suppose it's a small price to pay for the job I get to do now. It's the job I was born to do. So I'm not complaining. Much. It'd just be nice to have a conversation with someone above 3 feet tall, is all.

That's all, folks!

Stuff I've learned. (alternative title: Want some cheese with that whine?)

2010-04-13T22:46:00.004-05:00

I'm kinda down tonight. I think I'm being over-sensitive. I feel ignored by people that were once my dearest of friends. I feel dumped by a few of them. Now that I'm home with my boys, I'm not around other people a lot. I don't know what's going on in people's day to day lives, aside from what they post on facebook or what I find out through the occasional text message. I know I've shut myself off to a few people, because it seemed like they were phishing for information on my family to be the first ones "in the know" so they could spread the word. I'd tell them something, and pretty soon the entire world would know it. I'm not worried about losing friendship or burning bridges with those people. But the people that have surprised me the most are some of the people I loved and trusted the most. No, not family. Family has been great. But those people that are outside of your family, that you take into your heart and MAKE part of your family because you love and respect them so much. Those are the people that I feel betrayed by the most right now. My real-life friends are dropping like flies. I'm down to less than a handful. Would I give up being at home to save my friendships? Absolutely not. These friendships must not have had a strong foundation to begin with if they were so easily crumbled just because I'm not in the physical presence of these people anymore. Learning who your true friends are is a tough.and.bitter.pill.to.swallow.

*sigh*

My next post will be upbeat. Even if I have to make up some lollipops and rainbows and unicorns-type stories! Promise!

30 makes you fall apart.

2010-04-09T22:45:00.005-05:00

Since I've turned 30, the following things have happened:
1)My face is breaking out like I'm 12.
2)My bones are creakin' like I'm 80.
3)My eyes are getting worse like I'm...well.. whatever age your eyes go bad.

It's sorta cheating to blame the 3rd one on 30, because I've had glasses since I was about 13 years old. But hey, 30 is a *insert not nice name here* so I'm blaming her anyway.

In I-watch-too-much-tv news...
Okay, slap me, but I've been watching some really stupid shows lately. Like...

This show. Jerseylicious. A bunch of Jersey girls in a hair salon, with the focus on the extremely orange Olivia and her arch rival Tracy. I will lie and call you crazy if you ever repeated this, but I. Love. This. Show.

And there's more. Oh, there's more. But it's getting late and I'm getting too tired to embarrass myself further.

Back to the important stuff...

Dylan Thomas has not started smiling yet. But he's going to ANY DAY NOW. I can feel it. He is finally giving me some reactive facial expressions, and I just know that smiling and cooing are coming. I can't wait. It's funny how when little M was a baby, smiling was just expected... it happened, it was definitely cute and I definitely got pictures of it, but it wasn't ceremonial like I know Dylan's first real smile will be. Dylan is changing and has changed so many things about me. The way I think, the way I feel, the way I parent, the way I love, the way I act, the way I react... the list goes on and on. He has helped me prioritize. He has made things that seemed impossible before seem not only possible, but necessary now.

Little M.... oh, that kid. His imagination absolutely blows me away. The way he can make ANYTHING into a telephone and carry on conversations for long periods of time. The way he pretends his toys can talk and has them converse with each other. The way he thinks long and hard about the right thing to say, like when he says "no, please", then pauses and says, "I mean, no THANK YOU!" The things that come out of his mouth that make me laugh, even when I probably shouldn't. His newest answer to my questions is "Yes it is!" This can be the answer to any yes or no question where the answer is yes. "Did you have a good sleep?"~ Yes it is! "Do you want pancakes for breakfast?" ~Yes it is!

Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore my children? Because... I do.

This. That.

2010-04-06T23:06:00.003-05:00

1) D man had an appointment today with the geneticist. We were never referred to a geneticist while he was in the NICU... my guess is because we already knew his diagnosis before he came. So by the time we saw one (at 3 months old), we're already doing everything they wanted to talk about. hehe. Monitor his thyroid/ get him an endocrinologist? Check. Work with early intervention/therapists? Check. The geneticist was like, "what are you guys here for, again?" lol

2) D man is up to 10 lbs 14 ounces!!! And while he's somewhere in between the 25-50th percentile in height/weight for a baby with Down syndrome (and less than 3rd percentile on a regular growth chart), that's still a huge jump from a couple of weeks ago when he was at 9 lbs 6 oz!

3) And because what post is complete without a Michaelism?
(He was in the bathroom, playing with a car and my hairbrush)
Talking to the Car: Brush your hair, car!
Talking for the Car: I can't brush my hair!
Talking to the Car: Brush your hair, you'll feel better!

:)

In which I have not much to say

2010-04-04T23:10:00.003-05:00

... except that He is risen! :)

And... I managed to not take a single picture of my boy participating in Easter egg hunts. But my relatives did, thank God. So now I'll just have to bribe them (or threaten them, whatever)for copies! :)

I did get a picture of Little M in his Easter finest... the outfit he wore only long enough to get a picture because it was far too HOT here for the sweater vest and long sleeves.

...He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.~Isaiah 53:5

Ex. Haust. Ed.

2010-04-02T17:13:00.008-05:00

Remember how I bragged about my 3 month old sleeping through the night? Yeah. I jinxed that. We've been up at 1:30 or 2:30 every night/morning since.

But who can be upset with him? Just look at him and see if you can get upset.

And because both of my kids are pretty darn cute, here's little M, too.

And... here's baby footsies.

Finally, today is World Autism Awareness Day. We're wearing blue in support of our friends who have children with autism!

(pay no attention to the fact that I didn't brush my hair today, but just slopped it back into a ponytail. We'll pretend it doesn't look that bad, k? :) )

Man, that was fast!

2010-03-29T21:32:00.002-05:00

How is it possible that 3 months have gone by already?!

Dear Dylan,

It seems like only yesterday, I heard your little cry for the first time. I was so excited to hear you, to see you, to breathe you in. I was so surprised to see your little sprouts of blond hair and your perfect round head. You have my side of the family's lips and daddy's toes. What have you been up to so far?

*You weighed 9 lbs 6 oz at your last doctor's appointment, but I think you've grown since then!

*You wear a size 1 diaper. Finally. We didn't think you'd ever graduate from newborn! :)

*You wear 0-3 month clothes, but you can also still wear newborn size clothes.

*You have the sweetest, calmest personality. You drink in what you see.. you are thinking about it, I know you are.

*You love to watch your brother play. His voice lights up your face.

*You started rolling over from tummy to back at 9 weeks old. At this rate, you'll graduate tomorrow and become a lawyer the next day.

*You almost never cry. The only times you cry (if you can even call it a cry) are when you're hungry or when you feel like people forgot about you. They're more like wimpers, really. The hungry wimper is accompanied with this little look you give where it almost looks like you're grinning. You are VERY easy to console when you do start crying.

*You've slept through the night since about 2.5 months old. I probably just jinxed that.

*You breastfeed and/or bottle feed (with breastmilk) every 2-3 hours, except overnight (obviously).

*You haven't really started smiling consistently yet, but you've been known to sneak a grin or two in.

*You love your vibrating bouncy seat with the Itsy Bitsy Spiders hanging down. You could chill in that forever.

*You could take or leave the paci. You're not the paci's biggest fan, but not its worst enemy.

*You don't have much hair.. the only hair that's mentionable is a little sprout of blond hair that sticks up like Alfalfa from The Little Rascals, and a small mullet of blond hair in the very back. SO CUTE.

*You make our family feel complete, and we love you so, so much.

husbandisms

2010-03-27T23:34:00.002-05:00

I love you, honey. Let me just start it with this.

So picture it: I was making a pizza for lunch today. I had the dough rolled in a ball, sitting in a bowl on the counter. I was grating some cheese. I had the pizza sauce sitting beside the bowl of dough. I had a pizza pan sitting on top of the stove. The stove was preheating. My husband walks into the kitchen and asks, "What are you making?"
*******

THEN HE ASKS AGAIN WHEN I DIDN'T ANSWER!!!!!

I responded with "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?!" But now that I've been thinking about it all day, I've thought of a million other responses. Like "It's a bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy."*

*Stole that from Golden Girls. That show makes my heart happy.

Later, when he was standing outside talking to our brother-in-law, I went outside to check the mail. I flipped through the stack of mail til I got to one piece. It happened to be an envelope that contained a check from when I was on maternity leave. I turned to Michael, who was standing no more than 5 feet away, and I said, "Oh, I got that check!" And he said, "Really? How much is it?" Dude, I JUST TOOK IT OUT OF THE MAILBOX! Let me use my xray vision skillz and look through the envelope, k?

I'm glad that my sweet husband and I love each other enough to make fun of each other. It'd suck to be stuck with someone you couldn't joke with. I'm glad I don't know that feeling!

In Dylan news, OH EM GEE kid, are you EVER full? I feel like Bessie the milk cow. I can't complain about ya too much because 1) you're super cute and 2) you DO sleep through the night. Ah, sweet sleep-through-the-night bliss. Little M didn't even bother attempting this skill til he was about 6 months old. And even then, it was an on and off type of thing.

In little Michael news, he's decided that I can no longer sing. I can't sing along with the Phineas and Ferb theme song. I can't sing along with the radio. I start singing, and he starts yelling "NO SINGING!" The ONLY person to appreciate my singing no longer appreciates it. *sigh*... at least Dylan doesn't know the difference between good and bad singing yet! :)

In sleepy news... well, I'm sleepy. Goodnight folks!

Friday stuff.

2010-03-26T15:44:00.005-05:00

1) There's really nothing interesting going on in my life today... I'm behind on laundry (quel SHOCK!), so I'm kinda sorta catching up on that....

2) The Us Weekly beside me a little bit cracks me up because of 2 things:

a) Pamela Anderson's face on the DWTS teaser (I wish this was a clearer picture. I think she's beyond the point of rescue on the botox thing.)

b) The fact that I read Us Weekly. It actually comes to my house in the mail. *sigh*

3) My son's newest obsessive catch-phrase is, "ya know, sometimes..." This can preface ANY SINGLE THING HE HAS TO SAY. Example: "Ya know, sometimes, I want orange juice." "Ya know, sometimes, Dylan's crying, mommy." "Ya know, sometimes, *babble babble babble*"

4) Speaking of this Us Weekly, I am SO MAD at Jesse James! How, oh how, can you cheat on SANDRA BULLOCK?! You DON'T GET ANY BETTER THAN SANDRA BULLOCK, A-HOLE! Sheesh. I'm sure he REALLY cares that I'm mad at him, too. :)

5) I need a food intervention. It's getting crazy around here. I am the queen of many things (ie: The World), but I am NOT the queen of will power! I know breastfeeding makes you way hungry? But it probably shouldn't make me way hungry for honeybuns and apple pies.

6) Ever watch Word Girl on PBS? Ever get extremely tickled about the title song and how soulfully sung it is? I can only imagine someone in the recording studio, putting their heart and soul into "Word up, it's Word Girl.. WORD UP!" hehehe

7) Ya know, sometimes, I'm all outta things to say. See ya! :)

My little lovebugs

2010-03-24T12:02:00.003-05:00

The Toy Bandit

2010-03-22T23:39:00.009-05:00

Now who do you suspect would spend endless amounts of time doing this throughout my house?

Pay no attention to the toy pit that is his bedroom. Only feast your eyes on his train-o-books.

Oh who could it be? Could it beeeee....

THIS GUY?!

So here's the Sitch...

2010-03-22T00:57:00.002-05:00

I don't know how the "blog follow" thing works, so I never actually follow blogs. I just stick them on my little thingie on the side and click on them when they have updates. And I know right before Dylan was born, I asked for your blog addresses.. and, well... I didn't actually go back to that post and get blog addresses and add them to my thingie on the side until just now. So now I feel like a total butthead. So... I want to stalk you still... if you're not over there >>> I really want you to be! So... consider this "I want YOU!" part 2: The Sequel.